Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Fearing the worst.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Fearing the worst.
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 9 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't understand my own body anymore. & I'm ashamed to admit this, but I think there is something wrong with me, with my body but I don't want to go to the doctor. I have a fear of doctors [also, there is the issue with me not having insurance & it costing $170 to have a check up at the nearest clinic] so I'm not so very prone to going to them because I'm afraid of hearing bad news from them. By all means, I am not a stupid girl; I understand that going to the doctor would clear up every question in my mind & would be the wisest choice to make, but I simply cannot make it. I'm quite afraid of them. Just thinking about it makes me feel anxious & I begin to have tears in my eyes.

These last several weeks have been Hell for me, in the midst of bladder infections & trying to deal with that, & also an abnormal period that lasted 8 days. It wouldn't have been so bad if I could have someone to talk to about these things, to give me emotional support, but my Mother -- who has always been there for me before -- is convinced that every pain I feel in my body has everything to do with "my fornication" so there is no support coming from her. She won't take me to the doctor, she won't offer me advice, she won't tell me it's going to be okay. I suppose this is apart of adulthood, but it's a hard transition to go through when you've always had your Mother to kiss your scrapes & take care of you when you're sick. Now all of a sudden she's telling me, "Well, I don't know what to tell you. You're choices aren't Godly choices." I understand that, but I just need her to be my Mother without preaching to me & making me feel more horrible than I already do.


I suspect that something is wrong with me [like I said before]. My boyfriend & I had what I like to call "marathon sex" on Friday. Now, with it being a few days after, I'm feeling sore, like usual. But something doesn't feel right to me. I feel pain down there sometimes; I have ever since my crazy period. I felt myself down there, & I felt bumps... thinking it was a cyst or something, I took a mirror & looked. I saw a white discharge & what looked like a few bumps around my vagina. They were a bit sore to the touch & the discharge doesn't smell like it normally does. My first thought was an STD. I called my boyfriend immediately & asked him randomly if he had anything to hide from me & that if he had always been honest with me about everything. Of course, this freaked him out & I told him about what I suspected, which was quite humiliating after he confirmed to me, once again, that he had been tested for STD's & that it came back clean. Now I'm ashamed that if it is an STD, he'll not want to be with me.

Then of course, it could be nothing. I get bumps down there sometimes. & the soreness could be from the sex we had. But of course, I don't know because I've never had to deal with this sort of thing, so I can't say it's a yeast infection, or side affects from having sex, or an STD even. The real answer is obvious: go to the doctor, to a free clinic even & see to it. But I have such a fear of doctors, & doctor's offices, I just can't bring myself to go. The thought of going is humiliating; to sit naked, with my legs up in stirrups, having someone examine me that I don't know. & then there comes the bad news part. I am so afraid of that, having to face my family & tell them that there is something wrong with me & it ends up being because of "my fornication" as my mother puts it.

I should also add that I'm quite the perfectionist, a bit of a hyperchondriac (sp?) & I tend to care too much about what people think of me.


I just needed someone to talk to right now & though I don't know any of you personally, I feel comfort knowing that you will not condemn me for fornicating, as silly as that sounds. I'm just upset that I can't get the reassurance I need from my Mother, I'm upset that my body doesn't feel right, & I'm upset that I just completely embarrassed myself with my boyfriend. I'm stressed & almost beside myself.

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yikes [Frown] ... Sounds like a really tough situation you're in right now.

First of all ... Just wanted to clarify this ...

These last several weeks have been Hell for me, in the midst of bladder infections & trying to deal with that, & also an abnormal period that lasted 8 days. It wouldn't have been so bad if I could have someone to talk to about these things, to give me emotional support, but my Mother -- who has always been there for me before -- is convinced that every pain I feel in my body has everything to do with "my fornication" so there is no support coming from her. She won't take me to the doctor, she won't offer me advice, she won't tell me it's going to be okay. I suppose this is apart of adulthood, but it's a hard transition to go through when you've always had your Mother to kiss your scrapes & take care of you when you're sick. Now all of a sudden she's telling me, "Well, I don't know what to tell you. You're choices aren't Godly choices." I understand that, but I just need her to be my Mother without preaching to me & making me feel more horrible than I already do.

Having your mother turn on you and become less than supportive b/c she doesn't agree w/ your choices is not normal. It's not part of growing up or adulthood, and it's extremely sad. You have every reason to be upset over this. I'm upset FOR you.

That all said, you haven't really said anything that makes me think "Oh my gosh get to the doctor right now!!" You obviously have some concerns, and those do need to be addressed, but i think you can probably rest assured that there is nothing major going on here.

A lot of people are scared of going to the doctors, and having their first gyn exams, and they get through it. I know you can too. Do you have any friends that can go w/ you? Or your boyfriend? These kinds of exams may seem embarassing or humiliating at first, but i've come to find them more empowering than anything ... I have a means to take care of my sexual health and i do it! Every year! It can be uncomfortable and unpleasant, but i do it b/c this is the only body i have and i know i need to take care of it.

Can you explain more of this weird period and bumps to me? Again, i don't really think there's anything to get too excited over, at this point, but a better description could help me give you a better idea of what could be going on.

Hang in there!

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Lauren-     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
(As far as cost is concerned, I see you're in
California. There's a statewide program called FamilyPACT that provides family planning and basic sexual healthcare for free.

You can go to your local public health center, or Planned Parenthood, and tell them you want to sign up for FamilyPACT. They'll take care of it from there. You won't have to worry about your mother finding out so long as you have transportation there and back.)

Here's a thread for more details:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=21;t=001006#000000

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You are so nice; thanks for the kind words. :]

In defense of my mother, I have to say that I've always known that she was against my choice to have sex before marriage. She instilled this belief in me & my sister since we were very young & blamed herself when I told her that I was having sex. It's just that now, I feel like her unwillingness to help me has worsened. She has no sympathy for me when I'm worrying like I am now. I dare not tell her anything because it's pointless.

I have, indeed, had a GYNO appointment. In October. It was my first one & I was traumatized, to say the least. I just hated the idea that someone was looking at my body. I get nervous undressing for my boyfriend, so it's maddening for me with a doctor.

If I simply HAD to go to the doctor, I would make a way for my boyfriend to come with me. He'd have to take a bus & travel 2 hours to do so, but he's already made it clear that he would willingly make the sacrifice, which I love him for.


About everything else: the last period I had -- which ended about 3 days ago -- lasted for 8 days. It was very strange because my periods are always 5-6 days long. I've had my period long enough now to where I can expect them to be a certain way. I thought that the abnormal bleeding might have been fibroids, but a day after that suspicion, I stopped bleeding. Everything seemed fine, except I still felt a weird pain down there that had lasted through my period; thus, the reason I thought it was fibroids, or a cyst.

Now, after making love to my boyfriend, I still feel a weird pain down there; kind of sharp sometimes, but sort of a dull pain. I decided to see for myself, & in the mirror I saw a few bumps around my vagina & a white discharge. It wasn't chunky or anything, but it was certainly white. It didn't smell like my discharge usually smelled & it's a bit itchy & irritated down there.

An STD would be out of the question, I would think, considering I've only had one partner -- not including my current boyfriend -- & we were both virgins. Also, as I said, I was tested in October for STDs & my boyfriend was also tested. It could be my body trying to recover from the sex; we hadn't had sex in a very long time, thus the irritation. But I hate assuming, especially when it comes to my body. & I don't like freaking out over nothing.

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm glad you've already been to the GYN! See! It can be uncomfortable, but you can totally do it. You know you can do it; you've done it before.

8 days for a period, when you normally go 5 or 6, isn't anything to be TOO concerned over. Seriously. Keep an eye on the length and flow of your periods over the next few cycles, but other than that, i really wouldn't give it a second thought. Periods aren't ALWAYS regular, even when you're used to being regular. Doesn't mean anything's wrong, per se.

This weird pain 'down there' ... Down where? Lower abdomen? Vagina? Vulva?

Discharge can also vary depending on where you are in your cycle. White is okay. Yellow, brown, green, etc, chunky, and foul smelling are not. How long has the itching and irritation been going on for? When was the last time you had sex?

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The pain seemed to have come from the left side of my vagina, sort of internal, though I can't really pinpoint it. There are certain ways I move where it feels as though I pulled a muscle; this was before I had sex with my boyfriend. That pain seems gone now, not as bad as before.

The irritation has been since yesterday morning, which was the last time I had sex. The itching just started today, really. The irritation, I know, could have been from not enough lube during sex. I don't know.

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't really know what to say about the vaginal pain. If it's getting better, it's likely not something to get too concerned over. Keep an eye on it. If anything changes (any new symptoms) or it gets worse, i think you should make an appointment w/ your doctor.

Irritation from not using enough lube for intercouse is so extremely common !!! Irritation can cause itching too. I'd give it another day or so, and if it doesn't clear up, again, i think you should make an appointment with your doctor. Itching can be a sign of a yeast infection, and those are not something you want to leave untreated.

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay, but what about the bumps?

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You said you've had these bumps before, right? Are they on the outer part of your labia majora (the skin area, where pubic hair grows) or inner part (mucous membrane, no hair)?

[ 01-07-2007, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: LilBlueSmurf ]

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Inner part... where my period comes out, to be frank.

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay ... Did you have these when you went for your last GYN exam? How often do you get these? Do they go down on their own? How big are they?

[ 01-07-2007, 10:16 PM: Message edited by: LilBlueSmurf ]

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Did you have these when you went for your last GYN exam?
-- Not that I know of. I may have, & if so, she didn't mention anything about it.

How often do you get these?
-- Up until now, this is the first time I've noticed them in that particular area. When I -- dare I say? -- masturbate, I've felt some bumps there before. & I'm prone to cysts on my vulva & around my vulva. The cysts go away after a week or so. They shrink in size, but they tend to come back after a while.

How big are they?
-- They're no bigger than a pencil eraser; smaller than that, actually. & I'm referring to the bumps around my vagina. The cysts are about the size of an eraser on a pencil. Sometimes smaller.

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay ... I would suggest seeing your doctor about these. I'm pretty sure it is nothing to be too concerned over, but at the same time, it is always better to have these things checked out, right?

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You are right. If only it were that easy. I think I'll give it a few days, to be sure. Afterall, this is day one after sex. It could be irritation. & I am a nervous wreck.

I really, really appreciate all of your help & support. Most importantly, I appreciate you talking me & calming me down about the situation. You don't know how much it means. =]

I think I'll come here from now on when I need to have "the sex talk." ;]

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Anytime [Smile] That is what we're here for! I'm so glad you're feeling better!!

--------------------
Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
Activist
Member # 20075

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fille_francaise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So I have let some time pass. The discharge is normal; I have no fears in that anymore. The only things that are occuring is 2 bumps around the outside of my vagina that are painful to the touch & the pain that is coming from them. Other than that, there are no other symptoms. The bumps are still quite small, but they hurt like the dickens which makes me believe that they may be cysts. It's a simple assumption, but nothing else seems to be happening aside from those things.

I'll keep an eye on that, but for now, that is what I'm thinking.

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3