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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » HELP PLEASE!!!....FAST!!!!

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Author Topic: HELP PLEASE!!!....FAST!!!!
dancechick16
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last night i had sex for the first time. my boyfriend and i did not use a condom and i am not on birth control. he did not cum inside me and i do not think there was any pre-cum. he said that nothing came out of him. what are the chances of me being pregenate? and what should i do?
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ErinK
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According to What's The Risk? - Five Easy Pregnancy Risk Assessment Flow Charts

If you DID have unprotected penis-in-vagina intercourse but the man DID NOT ejaculate, then you have a MODERATE to HIGH risk of pregnancy. See your health care provider as soon as possible for a pregnancy test/Morning After Pill and an STD screening.


Since it's been less than three days, I suggest that you look into getting emergency contraception if you do not wish to become pregnant. For more about emergency contraception, see our article Emergency Contraception or call 1.888.NOT.2.LATE for a list of providers in your area.


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dancechick16
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i dont know what to do. i am so scared. i am worried that something did come out of him. even if it was pre-cum. but he said nothing came out of him and he wont take me anywhere to get ec. he keeps saying there is no reason to and stuff. i really dont know what to do. i would feel so much better if i went and got some. just to be on the safe side. but he wont take me and i dont know anyone else who can take me. i cant tell my mom and have her take me. she would freak out. i just dont know what to do.
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Heather
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Don't you think she'll "freak out" when and if you become pregnant?

Ask your Mom. Or take the bus or train. Ask a friend.

And after that, I'd actually have a good long think about your boyfriend. Someone who refuses to deal with risks and consequences of sexual behaviour -- and puts dealing with those risks all on his partner -- is NOT a good partner to be having. Sex isn't all fun and pleasure -- there are practical matters and risks to deal with as well. If he can't deal with those, he isn't ready for sex, period.

FYI: very few men feel pre-ejaculate, especially during intercourse. And since his penis was inside your vagina, he can't very well have been observing it, now could he?

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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dancechick16
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i cant ask my mom. that is not an option. maybe he isnt the best boyfriend. you would think that if i am asking him to do something for us to just be on the safe side he would agree to do it. if i went somewhere would it be confidential or would they call my parents? how long would it take? would i have to fill a prescription? how much would it cost?


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Heather
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You can find out all about emergency contraception right here: Emergency Contraception .

In most cases, it is confidential. If you're under 14 or so, it may not be. It will take mere minutes to get the prescription, and will likely cost around $25.

And yes, I agree: a boyfriend who cares and who is mature enough to be sexually active would indeed care about potential risks and gladly share half the load in dealing with them, especially when he, like you, chose to take big risks instead of protecting himself and you against them by simply using a condom.

Might be worth asking him if he can't handle helping you get EC, how he was planinng on helping you deal with a pregnancy and/or child-rearing if that did/will happen. Or an STD or STI?

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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dancechick16
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i asked him. i was like "Well what if i end up pregnant then what are we going to do?" and he replied with "babe, its not going to happen, everything is fine, trust me" this is causing so much stress on me and i dont need it. i have finals this week to worry about and keeping my grades up and stuff. i dont need to be worrying about whether or not i can be pregnant.
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logic_grrl
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Well, it sounds like you know perfectly well that someone saying "trust me" doesn't magically prevent pregnancy (or STD/STI transmission) - otherwise you wouldn't be posting here to ask about the risks, right?

You know, you have a choice in these situations. If someone gives you a completely bogus answer like that, you can choose not to have unsafe sex with him. You can stand up for yourself. You can say that if he wants you to trust him, then he needs to use a condom to keep both of you safe.

You're right, having to worry about whether you're pregnant or not is very stressful and not what you need right now. But the way to avoid that worry in the future is to protect yourself by not agreeing to sex that you know isn't safe.


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Heather
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Well, you can trust him all you want, but that can't thwart biology and human reproduction. Sounds like you know and understand that and he doesn't, which is foolish on his part and says a lot about how ready he ISN'T for sex with a partner.

For the record? My parents used withdrawal. But here I stand. Voila!

That's not to scare you, but to affirm that this does happen, and you do have risks of both pregnancy and STIs that are nothing to dismiss or treat flippantly.

Obviously (hopefully it's obvious now) in the future, you know that it is NOT safe and that if you do NOT wish to become pregnant or transmit or contract an STI, you need to use a condom/reliable birth control, or not be sexually active and that's just that.

But for now, get the EC, love (ask a parent or friend to drive, take a cab, bus or train, or bike it, what have you). It stinks and is really upsetting and dissapointing that your boyfriend helped get you into this and isn't willing to help get you out (likely because in part it means admitting he doesn't know what he's talking about AND that he took part in screwing up), but it happens, and you don't need him to take care of yourself.

But personally? A partner who left me in the lurch like that wouldn't be one I would be involving myself with again.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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dancechick16
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he said he would take me today when he comes to pick me up. are they going to need an insurance card? where should i go? and its not too late if all this happened friday night right?
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-Jill
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1. No, they won't need an insurance card and if you use one your parents will find out about it when they pay the bill -- definitely not the best way to tell them.

2. You can go to a clinic such as Planned Parenthood or the emergency room.

3. You generally have seventy-two hour window to use EC; today should be fine.


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dancechick16
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ok..well planned parenthood was closed and we went to the emergency room and they didnt have any. so now i am not sure what to do. tomorrow (monday) around 10 is when it will be 72 hours. should i go by planned parenthood tomorrow after school? or will it be not worth it?
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dancechick16
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how soon can i take a pregnancy test if it is too late for ec? do i have to wait and see if i dont start my period? cus im not supposed to start till around the 7th of march
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dancechick16
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sorry i have now posted 3 times. i just keep having more questions. how long before cumming does a guy pre-cum? and you said that most guys dont feel pre-cum right?
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Milke
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Personally, I'd see this as a legitimately good reason to skip school, and get the emergency contraception ASAP. I couldn't tell you when most pre-ejaculate happens, as it can really vary, and no, msot guys won't feel it.

------------------
Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost


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Heather
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Just FYI, dance, it is still worth it to go ASAP tomorrow.

There is now data to show that EC can work up to as long as five days. That doesn't mean to wait -- the soonner one takes it, the more likely it is to be effective, but it does mean that if you end up a litttle outside that 72-hour window, don't consider it a lost cause, go on and get it.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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dancechick16
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thank you so much. i will go today after school. i cant skip school and go because i have finals. but i will go after school for sure. how soon could i take a pregnancy test to be sure this works? should i just wait and see if i do or dont start my period? i am supposed to start around the 7th but it may be a couple of days later because feb. is a shorter month. should i just wait and see whether or not i start and then take one? or could i take one like 2 weeks after the incident or something?
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alaska
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Good on you for going to get EC after school today, DanceChick.

Indeed, you can take a pregnancy as early as 2 weeks after sex that had a pregnancy risk or the first day your period is late. If the result of a pregnancy test is negative but you do not start to menstruate as expected, make sure you re-test.

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Caro
~Scarleteen Sexpert~


Spike: (In response to being asked to fight a troll) "I would, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much."


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dancechick16
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i went to planned parenthood today. it was great i must say. i feel so much better about everything. i happened to go (by chance) on the day they were having the teen special thing and i talked with 2 teen girls and they made me feel at ease. they made me feel more relaxed too and i wasnt as nervous. they also said i could get birth control for free and confidentially. i would say any of you that needs to talk to anyone about anything to do with sex call your planned parenthood and see if they have a special day and time for teens. it really makes you feel a LOT better
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alaska
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Excellent to hear that, chick.
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blondie17
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im not jk when the exact same thing happened to me last nite... i was planning on getting EC 2day after work. but ye.... umm i have no money at all!!! since i live in canada is that covered by ohip?? or my insurance or wut..... just wonderin cuz i feel its important i dont leave this a minute longer than it needs be...

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~BlOnDiE~


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Milke
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blondie, some clinics will give it to you free of charge; why not call around and find out?
Find clinics by checking your phone book, or try your local health unit.
------------------
Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost

[This message has been edited by Milke (edited 03-12-2003).]


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blondie17
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i got the pills last nite... i took teh second one this morning and feel a little sick but thats better than risking being pregnant right? so ya...my bf is freaking...even though i explained how they work and everthing he is offering to pay me back for it because he feels so bad. It was his first time but not mine and ya...he wants to make sure im ok so do u think in a week or so i should get a pregnancy test to help my mind and his?? oh and the doctor said that if i didnt get my period in 21 days after the pill to come back... problem! my period is so outta whack, its never on time, its different everytime, so i cant count on that. I dont even know if i was just supposed 2 get it recently cuz its been five weeks since my last one...

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~BlOnDiE~


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-Jill
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Yes, I think taking a pregnancy test in ten to fourteen days is a great idea. That way you can be sure everything was successful.

If you don't get a period in three weeks definitely give your doctor a call. Explain the situation and see what s/he has to say -- you certainly aren't the only person to have irregular periods.

And, as mentioned earlier in the thread, now is a good time to look into STD/STI testing, condoms, and a back-up form of birth control.


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blondie17
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Thanks so much for all the information here on the site! If i hadn;t have found it i dunno wut i would have done So i'm feeling better about alot now. I think the more informed and ready you are, the better everythign will be! I also bought condoms to keep on hand in case the situation happens again thanks tons!

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~BlOnDiE~


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