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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » I'm really concerned about a friend

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Author Topic: I'm really concerned about a friend
Mulysa
Neophyte
Member # 11262

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...

[This message has been edited by Mulysa (edited 01-03-2003).]


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Milke
Activist
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How do you define the difference between 'having sex' and 'making love'? Physically, they're the same, I'm guessing, but are you trying to attach different emotions or dignificance to sexual acts at different times? I'm confused.

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Milke, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

I want a boy for my birthday . . .


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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I sounds to me that you and your boyfriend are not on the same page in terms of what you are ready to do sexually.

You love your boyfriend, and I'm sure he loves you too, but it really sounds like he's not ready for sexual activity. Love is not the only thing that makes a person ready for sex. It doesn't sound like he intended for your lovemaking to not contain love. To know this for sure, ask him what his feelings are. He could very well love you more than life itself, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have other feelings about sex. By that, I mean he's probably worried that having sex outside of marriage (and masturbation for that matter) is sinful or dirty, and that's really what's bothering him.

If this is the case, you need to respect his feelings if you don't want your boyfriend to continue feeling guilty or awful. Understand that he probably does love you, but he's simply not ready to be having sex right now. Not till he can reconcile his feelings towards what is and isn't appropriate sexual activity. He could be ready later on, though, so hold on hope.

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Don't be coward like shrimp, be brave like PRAWN!


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Daydreamer24
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Mulysa:

Please don't delete or edit a thread so that it is in a different format even after it's been answered. Other users may want to know the answer but can't because it's not there!

Thanks.

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"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." -Mother Teresa

"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." -Theodore Rubin


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Gumdrop Girl
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Well, for the folks at home, Mulysa asked the following question (not quoted, but paraphrased):

My boyfriend and I make love, but he says that sex and masturbation make him feel really bad about himself. Now I'm upset because it seems like our lovemaking isn't really lovemaking if he's not enjoying it.

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Don't be coward like shrimp, be brave like PRAWN!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mulysa
Neophyte
Member # 11262

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Alright, well not exactly but good job twisting my words. My boyfriend feels awful/disgusting/dirty after we make love, he masterbates, or any other sexual act, as he has felt this way since he was a young lad. I'm worried about him because i want him to be able to feel pleasure and because i know this is unhealthy. I deleted my post because the responses that i got did not answer my question at all, but told me things that i already knew and made me seem like i'm asking this for my benefit. So i asked my therapist and i'm taking him to see her next week. Thank you ladies, but next time take my words at face value please.
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Daydreamer24
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Member # 5578

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Whoa, Mulysa.

The advocates and sexperts are here to help you. Milke and Gumdrop Girl were only trying to be helpful; they weren't trying to state obvious answers.

If you weren't getting the answers you wanted, why did you delete your post? Next time if you don't get the response you wanted try being more specific and explaining to us what type of response you're looking for.

I was the one who asked you not to delete your post, and Gumdrop Girl was the one who clarified it. She told me what you had posted since it had been deleted and she was trying to help fellow readers.

Lastly, if you have a problem with Scarleteen, please eMail info@scarleteen.com . Thank you.

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"A sad soul can kill you quicker than a germ." -John Steinbeck

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." -Maya Angelou

[This message has been edited by Daydreamer24 (edited 01-04-2003).]


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Milke
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Member # 961

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Actually, dear, since your post was rather confusing, I asked you to clarify it so I could try to make something of it. We try to be helpful and sensitive, but we need your cooperation too.

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Milke, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

I want a boy for my birthday . . .


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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