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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » need advice please!!! - about to lose my virginity

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Author Topic: need advice please!!! - about to lose my virginity
Marisabel
Neophyte
Member # 10792

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I am about to lose my virginity. To be precise, saturday the 30 november. My partner is going to use a condom and plus i figured out the day in my cycle(18th) that is bad for making a baby. So am i going to be 100%protected? I don't want to get pregnant obviously. And I am really concerned about getting an std first time i have sex. I don't want to take any birth control as i don't want to get into it(i'll have to take it all the time then right?)I hate the pain. Is it going to be really bad? Is there going to be a lot of blood? Am I going to be bleeding afterwards? How can one alleviate the pain? Any special place or position to do it maybe? In the bath or smth? I really want to know a means to mollify that whole procedure.
I've thought about losing virginity for quite a long time. I don't want to die. So it may sound ridiculous but is the virgin more unlikely to die than a person who's had sex. I mean i really am afraid of death. I thought if i stay pure and innocent all my life i won't die. Does that make any sense to you? Or is it just my prejudice? That idea really bothers me.
I would also like to know, what will change in my life after i loose virginity? Are those changes going to be positive or negative? Will i start thinking about sex often? Will i have worse grades at school? Afterall should I loose virginity? Or is it better to stay a virgin? I am really confused.
I would really appreciate your help. I have noone else to reply to these questions for me, only you - teenwire.
I am almost 18(turning 18 in 2 weeks) and virginity is like a boundary for me. It prevents me from getting in serios relationships with people I really want to see as my boyfriends. As people get older sex seems to become an essential component of relationship. My dates expect me to be active already. Well anyways i figured out that he age of 18 is the right age as my cycle got better and my body has formed.
Thanks in advance 4 your help


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Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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Whoa whoa whoa! slow down! I hope you haven't gone and done the deed just yet because you have an awful lot of questions, and for that I'd suggest you wait just a little bit longer till you find out all the things you need to know. After all, sex is a pretty big and important undertaking and it helps to have as much information as possible.

First off, here are a few links that will answer your general concerns:

I know that's a lot to read, but you asked a lot of questions. And I suggest you read it with your boyfriend, too because I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about.

Oh, I forgot to look at where you were from, but please check out http://www.ageofconsent.com to see if it is even *LEGAL* to have sex with your boyfriend where you are. If you are too young by law to consent, your boyfriend could land in a *LOT* of trouble (which may include jailtime in severe cases).

Other questions you have:

Will you die sooner if you are a virgin? No. But you will die someday. Everyone does. As for your fear of death, I recommend you talk to a clergyman or read some books about death and ideas about the afterlife.

Will you think about sex more often? Not necessarily. But your thoughts on sex may change a little after you learn more about sex from your experiences.

Will your grades slip? Part of being responsible about sex is being responsible about the other aspects of your life. Your grades will not slip as long as you study hard and keep your time evenly divided between your schoolwork and your lovelife. In short, as long as you don't spend all your time screwing around, you should be fine. And if your grades do slip, it's probably a good idea to *STOP* having sex and get back on track with school. That's right, once you start, it is perfectly OK to stop.

As for other things you said, sex is NOT and essential component of a relationship. Having sex does not make you mature. It does not make you a better girlfriend. And it certainly does not guarantee unconditional love.

If there's any doubt in your mind, please listen to it. You will have an entire lifetime of opportunities to have sex. You should never feel like you have to rush sex. Haste makes waste. If you hurry through sex, you can forget inportant things like safety, legality, or even your own real emotions.

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Correlation does not equal causation.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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quote:
plus i figured out the day in my cycle(18th) that is bad for making a baby.

Counting days is a very, very unreliable way of figuring out when you are or aren't ovulating. The timing of ovulation can vary a lot, so unless you are actually taking your body temperature daily and monitoring your cervical mucus, it's safe to say that you really don't know which days you're most or least likely to get pregnant.

quote:
So am i going to be 100%protected?

No, you won't be. No method of contraception (except refraining from any activity with a pregnancy risk) is 100% effective.

This is one reason why we recommend combining two methods of contraception (such as condoms and the birth control pill). Margaret Sanger’s Disneyland - An easy chart of your birth control options gives you all the info you need on different types of contraception and their failure rates.

quote:
I don't want to take any birth control as i don't want to get into it(i'll have to take it all the time then right?)

If you take the birth control pill, you will have to take it consistently, every day, for as long as you want to stay protected.

quote:
It prevents me from getting in serios relationships with people I really want to see as my boyfriends.

Y'know, "virginity" is not an object, let alone some kind of burden that you have to carry around . It needn't stop you from doing anything you want to do.

Having sex once isn't going to magically transform you into a different person, and there's no one "right age" when you're "supposed" to start having sex.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Marisabel
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Member # 10792

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ps oops I meant saturday december 7 sorry not november 30 obviously

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Really, the date is irrelevant.

What's relevant is what has been discussed here: your own readiness and preparedness. neither of which care very much about specific dates on a calendar.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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Marisabel
Neophyte
Member # 10792

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Thanks a lot for the advices; the reading was extremele helpful too.
Could you please tell me where i can actually buy the bottle of latex-safe, water-soluble lubricant (KY Jelly, Astroglide, Wet, etc.)? Why is the lube so important?

And are there any painkillers I can take before the first time to alleviate the pain? Cause I really do HATE the pain so much!!!


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Ashy
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You can buy lubricant at drugstores--they are located near condoms and other safer sex supplies. Lube reduces friction, so it reduces the chances of vaginal tears or irritation, makes condoms less likely to tear, and can also make sex more pleasurable by reducing uncomfortable friction.

As stated in the articles, some women feel pain during their first intercourse and some do not. We can't recommend any painkillers to you, because as stated in the Ready or Not? –The Readiness Checklist, part of being ready for sex is being able to handle a moderate level of pain. If you feel that you are not comfortable with that, perhaps you aren't ready--and that's all right.


Posts: 1784 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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