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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Guilty, should I be?

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Author Topic: Guilty, should I be?
Youngerstar
Neophyte
Member # 110071

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Hi, I hail from a conservative background and like any other teenager have sexual urges.. I particularly am attracted to this one boy and it is purely physical. I had a dream about him & me doing sex related stuff and since we are close I told him about it. He asked me if I really wanted to have sex with him... Considering I am attracted to him it gave me an amazing feeling in my head but then I realised what's going on. I feel a little guilty about having had this conversation with him.. We didn't do Nything ever but I feel like I did something wrong as my parents and society have conventional beliefs.. This may sound very stupid but is there anything wrong in what I have done? Also, how do I keep my sexual urges in check now that I know he is also interested in having sex with me.. Please help, really confused.

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Yo!

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi youngerstar,

First off, I want to stress that there is nothing wrong in having sexual urges or talking about that with someone you're close to. Those sexual thoughts and feelings do not make you abnormal or bad in any way.

I do want to clarify: when you say you want to keep these sexual feelings in check, are you referring specifically to the idea/possibility of you and your friend having sex, or to something else?

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Youngerstar
Neophyte
Member # 110071

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So if I have a conversation where he asks me if I wanna do it with him.. That's okay? That isn't wrong?
Yes I was referring to the idea of us having sex.. See that's against my culture, pre marital sex, that is why even talking about it makes me guilty.. So since I can't do it but on some level I want to... How do I direct my sexual energy else where?
Also.. Is it okay if I continuing talking about having sex with me.. I mean kinda talking dirty to him..

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Yo!

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Ok, thanks for clarifying [Smile]

So, I think there are a few things to keep in mind. Again, I want to stress that have sexual thoughts and/or enjoying them isn't wrong. The only instance where the conversation you described would be "wrong" is if he keeps discussing it past a point where you're comfortable, or if the conversation is used to pressure someone into doing something they are not OK with.

As far as whether or not to continue "talking dirty" or otherwise acting on sexual feelings, I think you might want to weigh the benefits of doing so with any potential risks or bad outcomes, and make your decision based on that. For example, if you decide that even talking about it with him makes you really, really uncomfortable? Then you don't have to bring it up again.

You may also want to take some time by yourself you figure out what YOU believe and feel about sex. From there, you can set your pace around sexual stuff in way that works best with your feelings.

I want to add that, per releasing sexual feelings you'd prefer not to act on, masturbation can actually be very helpful. So you might want to also consider whether or not that's something you're comfortable doing.

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