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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Cross dressing

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Author Topic: Cross dressing
Racerboi45
Neophyte
Member # 109659

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I like to cross dress I'm 14 and youngest of 3 brothers. I am straight and in an amazing relationship with gf but I have an addiction and love for crossdressing. When ever I am the only one in I love going into my parents room and trying on my mums clothes from bras to heels. The only 2 people to know r gf and bff
My question is
1. I want to tell my mum it's the time where she should know as I have done it for about a year now. She is open minded when happy so I would ask her then and I have looked up advice but can I have some more. So far I got make sure she knows I'm not gay not her fault and also that it is just me and her in house and that no one else can know. Is their any advice or anything to help me plz

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Aaron

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Molias
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Hi Racerboi, and welcome to Scarleteen.

What you've outlined is a good place to start. I think in any sort of conversation like this, there are two main things to cover: what you want her to know about you, and how she can support you or treat you in the future. So if you have those in mind, that's probably enough.

One thing I think you may want to do is to talk with her about getting some clothes of your own. She might be upset that you were wearing her clothes without asking - not necessarily because of the crossdressing aspect but just because it is an invasion of privacy to wear someone's clothes (especially underwear) without their knowledge. So, moving forward I think it's a good idea to get some clothes that are just for you.

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Racerboi45
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Member # 109659

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Thank you for your reply but I must ask how would I tell her as I really don't know and how to bring it up. Thank you for your help so far though
I just think I don't really know how to say and how to being it up.

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Aaron

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sometimes it can help to start by thinking about why you want to tell someone something like this, and what you are looking for from them in a response.

In other words, ideally, what would you like your mother to say or give to you emotionally if and when you do tell her?

Leading with that can be a good way to figure out how to create, on your end, the kind of conversation you'd like to have, and also make sure it really is a conversation you want to have with that particular person. Sometimes we will want to share parts of our sexuality with parents, other times, that can be a part of our lives -- or parts of that part -- we keep private or only for sexual partners.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Molias
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Well, in all honesty, if you don't want to talk to her right now, it's ok not to (although I would strongly advise you to stop wearing her clothes and look into finding your own, either way). If you really do want to, then sure, go for it. But it's not required that you share every private part of your identity with your family, and if you do worry at all that you might get a strong negative response from her, it could be a good idea to wait.

Maybe one way to think about it is: what do you think you'll gain from talking to her? Are you looking for support from her? Just someone to talk to about this part of your identity?

It might help to even write down what you want to say to her, so you can organize your thoughts before you talk to her. In terms of how and when to talk to her, it's probably best to pick a quiet time when you can speak to her without interruptions and you're both feeling pretty calm.
You could even write it in a letter, hand it to her, and ask her to read through it when she has some time. Either way, it might be helpful to say something like "you don't need to talk to me about this now, if you want to wait a while to think about it before you talk to me, that's fine." Some people need time on their own to process new information.

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Racerboi45
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Okai I would first like to say thank you for the great advice.
So for my final plan i am going to proberly write ideas down for my letter for my mum and I am sure I want to tell her as I do want help and I think this I something I think she deserves to know about
I should hopefully write my letter by the week end no promises and I will proberly post it here first just to see if it is good it don't really know
My only problem is tht if I did want stuff off my own if. I had to go out and buy it with my mum I mean I am very socially awkward I mean I get anxious when buying normal stuff from shops anyway thinking I will muck something up
But I read a lot of people saying it's your mum don't u think she knows
I mean I have a tiny bit of me think she knows and has known for a while but i have one thing that is stopping me doing this and it's how my brain keeps telling me that I am weird and not right and something is wrong with me and I shold be ashamed
Because I love crossdressing does it mean that something is wrong with me

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Aaron

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Racerboi45
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I ask this as with every yahoo question or anything I go on their is always someone staying stuff like this

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Aaron

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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In terms of your last comment there, what were you referring to with the "stuff like this?" Do you mean that at crowdsourcing sites, you are reading that something is wrong with people who enjoy cross dressing, or were you referring to something else?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Racerboi45
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I meant their is always at least one person saying that cross dressing is weird and the people who do it r weirdos and I have seen comments like aliens and wrong in the head and stuff that makes me feel down
And I have been bullied before and this kind of stuff gets to me and stays in my head

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Aaron

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Okay. So, about that.

There is also always someone -- sadly, way more than one someone -- saying it's weird or those of us are weirdos who are queer instead of straight, or like kinds of sex that aren't just for babymaking, what have you.

Now, I personally am cool with weird: "normal" never seems so great to me, so it doesn't seem like a bad thing to me to be weird, should that be the case.

But if it does to you, understand that some people lack the maturity, sensitivity or ability to see diversity -- especially in human sexuality or gender -- as just that: as just diversity. I get that that can hurt when it comes at you, but it really, really, really is more about them than about you.

That kind of stuff is also pretty much never coming from anyone with any kind of education in human sexuality to understand that, for instance, crossdressing is actually not that unusual, particularly among heterosexual men (studies in the past have generally found that around 10% of all men have or do, which is a LOT of men). Again, that talk is ignorance talking, ignorance and also often fear, especially fear of sexuality and someone's own sexuality.

Mind, like Mo said, I think it is vital you stop wearing your mothers clothing without her consent. This is something sexual, and engaging someone, including their personal things, in our sex lives without their consent just isn't okay. But that has nothing to do with you dressing in the way you like and that excites you, in general, not being okay: it's no more weird, ultimately, for you to get off on wearing lingerie than it is for anyone else to do so, no matter someone's gender. [Smile]

I do think it might not turn out to work so well to ask your mother to go shopping with you, though. I don't know her or your relationship, but ultimately, in most families, parents purchasing things that are about sexual entertainment -- and I don't mean to be dismissive by calling this that -- for their children, or really about your private sex life that aren't things like safer sex supplies or birth control can get a bit uncomfortable for everyone, because it can be tough for people to do that and still have the kind of boundaries parents need to not actually be an active part of your sex life, if you follow me.

So, my personal advice would be that unless this is something she offers on her own to you -- shopping with you for things -- that that part of this is something you figure out how to do on your own, whether that involves learning to sew, or hitting shops by yourself or with your girlfriend, what have you.

I'd also suggest that if and when you do talk to her, you lead with an apology for invading her privacy by using her things without her permission. Our clothing, especially our underclothes, tends to be a really personal thing, so people can feel pretty violated if and when someone else takes or uses them without permission, especially when it's about sex.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Racerboi45
Neophyte
Member # 109659

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Thank you for the help and again I have another question for advice
I know my mum should know and I agree that I need to say sorry and also tell her but I am scared that my mum will try to make me stop
She properly won't but I am scared she will and I just love the jolt and how I look and feel in girls clothes
So I ask again do u have any advice plz
Thanks aaron

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Aaron

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, I don't think this is something where it is not okay NOT to share this with your mother. In other words, I don't see that you owe her any disclosures about this if you feel it isn't safe for you in any way -- including emotionally -- feel she will be unsupportive, or just plain don't want to tell her.

I think so long as you stop using her clothing without her permission, you're all good on what you "owe" her, you know?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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