Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Finding myself and what is landscaping? (Updated with new question)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Finding myself and what is landscaping? (Updated with new question)
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hello! I am new to this site, someone recommended to me. I am a 20 year old female and recently I've been feeling very full of sexual tension. I have never had a sexual relationship and I have never really been with anyone before. So, last night, for the very first time, I tried to help myself feel better through self pleasuring. And I have to say... I have NEVER felt anything like that before and it was AMAZING. It really helped relieve the tension I've been feeling.

I have been doing some reading, and it says that self exploration in this way is good, because it will help you learn what you like to help your partner when you get one. And it's good for your health too.

Is this true?

And I feel awkward wanting to do this. Is it normal to want to do this? And lately, I've just been feeling really, really tense with want and it's also crossing into wanting a baby (which I'm sure is just the biology working, with the hormones and it doesn't help that my friends are all having babies too).

And how do you get around the awkwardness? Where would you do this and how would you go about continuing the exploration? I'm very new to this, so help would be appreciated!

And also... I know a bit about orgasms, but what do they feel like and how would you know you had one?


EDIT NEW QUESTION: So, I was trying to talk to my mother about this, and she goes "Ohhhhh, I'm cool with that, I thought you were talking about landscaping". I'm not 100% what that means? Is it the idea of waxing down there or shaving? I am not sure...

Thanks!

[ 02-03-2014, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: Hydrophobic333 ]

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Welcome to the boards, Hydrophobic333 ! [Smile]

We certainly have no data that has ever soundly shown masturbation is harmful, and lots to show it typically benefits people in a bunch of different ways.

Is it normal? Well, somewhere around 98% of the population masturbated or has, so if by normal we mean common, it's very, very common.

What do you mean by the awkwardness? Have you read the content on the site about masturbation already per some of these questions?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sam W     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Hydrophobic,

I'm so glad that you've been finding self pleasure/masturbation to be something that is making you feel good.

Now, everyone has different experiences with self-exploration, but generally speaking what you read is correct. By figuring out what feels good to us prior to being with a partner, it makes it easier to communicate what we want when we ARE with someone because we already have some sense of what we like.

There are some health benefits as well, at least in the sense that masturbation often leads to a release (and thus decrease) of tension, plus it floods our system with hormones that make us feel good.

Masturbation is a totally normal activity, so try not to feel awkward on that account. You are right that there can be some awkwardness. I would say that the best way to diminish that feeling is to keep exploring. Self-exploration, like any other activity, takes practice. The best space to do it in is somewhere that's private and not too stressful. Beyond that, it's sort of just trial and error.
I think you might find this article to be helpful
How Do You Masturbate?

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heather - Awkward as in... How to explain it. I just feel weird doing it, because I live in my family's house still. I would only ever do it if they weren't around, but it's just awkward to me, thinking about doing it.

And I have not. I've been a little confused reading through this site, ha, ha! I'm still trying to figure out my way around.

Sam W. - Thank you so much! Yes, I have never felt anything like that before and I could feel it building up pretty quickly and my heart was racing. It was very, very strange but I really liked it. I did it when I was extremely tired and I ended up being up for another hour afterwards, I felt refreshed.

Thank you for that link, I will definitely take a look at it! And thank you so much for your help!

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Maybe it might help to figure that other members of your family likely also have masturbated or do masturbate in the house, too? Again, this is something most people do or have done, including as infants and small children (you probably did yourself, you just stopped early enough not to remember -- anyone who has cared for infants a lot can tell you they and toddlers tend to masturbate with some frequency).

If you'd like more links after reading the one Sam started you with, happy to toss you some more!

You might also find Betty Dodson's book "Sex for One" helpful.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That is true, I'm sure they have. I know I've done it at school accidentally, sitting the wrong way and it stimulated me, so I kept doing it without realizing what I was doing... Ha, ha. School was probably not the best place, but oh well!

Anyways, yes, that link was very helpful! And it helped clear up some confusion on anatomy as well, as I always hear the terms but am not one hundred percent sure where they are on your body.

Now, I don't know if you'd know, but... Will masturbating help clear up some of those thoughts you have? Like for me, I think about getting pregnant a lot and wanting a baby, as well as having sexual fantasies. Or will it increase them?

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, for most people, even though intercourse is often how pregnancy happens, their sexual desires don't tend to be all that linked with reproduction.

Regardless, though, what someone thinks about, or thinks about more or less, when touching their body, or expressing themselves someway sexually ranges just like what someone thinks about, or doesn't, or does more or less, ranges with say, exercise, knitting or expressing themselves artistically.

So, there's no answer to this, only whatever you find to be your own experiences.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, okay. So the fantasies that I have when I don't do this, may or may not go away. I guess it'll be trial and error. If I do self touching, and the thoughts go away after a little while, then that'll tell me!

Thank you so much for your help. (:

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, sexual fantasies are about your brain, not your genitals, so I'd say thinking masturbation, or any physical activity, can magic thoughts away isn't sound.

But you likely can do just fine with them: fantasies, no matter what they are about, are only thoughts. Thoughts can't harm us. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I see no reason why it wouldn't be sound lol I have just seen before that people tend to feel better and not get the thoughts as much because they're taking care of their needs. That is why I asked. (:

But thank you very much, I appreciate the help!

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
For sure, if and when we express certain desires in action, we may find they take up less real estate in our heads.

But again, who knows, your mileage may vary, as it tends to do that. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you very much! I appreciate the help!
Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think you'd have to ask your mom what she meant there! She could be talking about pubic hair grooming, but she could have something else in mind.
Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Who knows, maybe your Mom gets SUPER stoked about actual landscaping. Some people do. [Razz]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, no, she doesn't want me to do it. I didn't know what it was, so I was asking to find out what it was lol But I know now, thanks to a friend lol
Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, she's a naturist, then. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hydrophobic333
Neophyte
Member # 109506

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hydrophobic333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, she is, as am I. I never felt the need to do anything about it.

But! I've been looking, and because I'm still a little lost with figuring out this site (I'm still exploring), do you have a link to a thread on here about how to help reach orgasm? I've been trying, but I just can't seem to do it. I feel myself get really, really close, I know it is, but then either my arms get too tired and stop on their own, or the feeling just goes away out of nowhere. And I'm positive it's not an orgasm I'm having, because I've read that you will KNOW when you have one, because you'll feel it.

Also, I'm sure it might take a little while, given the fact that I have only just started, but some references on how to help would be great. (:

[ 02-04-2014, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Hydrophobic333 ]

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We're not going to have anything that works as an instruction manual - or even a suggestion manual [Smile] - for something like that, because each person's body, what they like, and how they respond, are so, so different. We do have lots of information about sexual pleasure, sex and anatomy which might fill in a lot of info for you, so I'll make you a small list to have a look at.

With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_late_to_the_game_have_i_had_an_orgasm_yet
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_this_orgasm
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/when_the_big_o_is_a_noshow

Per finding things on the site, at the top of the screen, there's "Go to" and a list of words: you'll find all our static content there, arranged in sections categorised by those words. All the main site pages have a search box towards the top right of the screen, and you can search the site using that.

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'd also add that one of the top things we know is most linked with people having trouble reaching orgasm? Is people trying to reach orgasm. In sexology, it's called "spectatoring," and people who want to become orgasmic are strongly advised to try not to do it.

Instead, what you go for is just finding what you enjoy and makes you feel good, as well as doing what you can to just relax, chill out, and go with the flow: those are the things most likely to get people to orgasm.

So, you're just starting to explore this: give yourself that time to engage in that process and enjoy that process, rather than trying to get somewhere with it. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen