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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Ortho Evra Birth Control Patch (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Ortho Evra Birth Control Patch
wilcatgirl
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Good morning,
Yesterday morning my boyfriend i had sex, we used a condom. I am on the birth control patch and have been for almost 5 months. I am very consistent on it and have not once forgot to put it on. Yesterday when we had sex he DID NOT ejaculate inside of me. I was wondering, this happened on the patch off week, and I was just curious as whether or not being on the patch, but it being the off week is still effective?

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September
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If you are using the patch as directed, you should be at its full effectiveness, including during the placebo week.

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Johanna
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wilcatgirl
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How does it work when it is the patch off week? I have tried to look it up, but I cannot seem to find any information on it.
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September
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I don't have anything specifically on the patch, but this article on the pill should give you an idea (they both contain the same hormones, and only differ in the delivery method): - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/pill/sfeature/sf_cycle_text.html

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Johanna
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wilcatgirl
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Thanks. I looked at it but am still confused. If we arent wearing the patch, for the patch off week. How are we still protected?
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Molias
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This article explains why pill users are protected during their placebo week; as Joey said above, the off week on the patch is essentially the same so this information applies to you as well: How do birth control pills really work, even during the placebo period?
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wilcatgirl
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Thank you so much Molias. This article helped me so much. Now I understand why it still works [Smile]
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Molias
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Good! I'm glad it helped.
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wilcatgirl
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Quick question, is it bad to have sex on the last day of your period? like the day you put your new cycle patch on?
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Heather
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Hormonal methods of birth control are equally effective every single day of your cycle, including during the placebo week. So long as you keep taking it properly, there are no days in which it is more or less effective.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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wilcatgirl
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Does that inlcude having sex being on your period. When I did it my period was ending.
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Sam W
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As Heather said, it protects you on all days, period days included
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Heather
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You were going to take a test for pregnancy this weekend to try and put an end to this scare.

Did you go ahead and do that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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wilcatgirl
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Yes I did, both tests came out negative, but we had sex after that with a condom this time and he did not ejaculate inside me. So that is why I was asking
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Sam W
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A situation like you described, where you are using three methods of BC correctly (the patch, condoms, and withdrawl) means you are 99.99% protected from pregnancy. In fact, even just using the patch and condoms would give you a 98.8 to 99.99% protection rate.
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wilcatgirl
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Thank you so much for that. I really needed to hear that [Smile] I didnt think of it as three methods. So do you believe that I am being as safe and careful as possible without being abstinent?
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Heather
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You know, given all the time we have spent talking about how this last time didn't make you feel good, I think if we are going to continue these conversations, it seems like we should focus on talking about making choices you feel truly okay with, and setting limits around the things you obviously don't.

In other words, knowing how much all of this has freaked you out, and having said you were going to take some time to think over if being sexual at all with him right now was a good choice, sounds like somehow that all got derailed, and here you are again, worrying again.

Why do you think that is? Are you having trouble setting and holding limits?

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wilcatgirl
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It's confusing because I want to have sex with him, I guess I'm just scared that he might ejaculate in me on purpose again. He sat me down and told me that it will never happen again, he said he know it's hard for me to trust him like that again, but he said he learned the hard way in seeing me freak out....he was almost about to cry telling me this.
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Heather
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Well, like you and I talked about, we can want things but know that for any number of reasons, it's not right for us at a given time to pursue them.

You know this freaks you out: you knew before this weekend, as you and I already talked about in chat.

So, am I getting it right that you are having a hard time making choices you know feel best about when it involves something you want?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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wilcatgirl
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Yes, I believe you are correct. I know I can easily say no because he always asks me and makes sure it's something I want to do... Maybe I'm scared that if I say no... He night get mad.
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Heather
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Okay, so now you know the next thing you two need to talk about.

I'd say you need to talk to him about that, but then also do some big thinking on your own about even IF he did, how that would be a really crummy reason to have sex. And also how it wouldn't be safe for anyone to even be with a partner who did get mad because a partner declined sex with them.

So, more to think about and talk about then, big time, I'd say. And maybe when you open these talks, you can set a limit right there and then, making clear that for the time being? Sex needs to be off the table for you, any kind that freaks you out, because you need to first figure out what you need so that it doesn't.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Molias
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Have you had any experiences in your boyfriend, or other partners, getting angry when you said no to sexual activity?

One thing you could do is just say in advance that you don't want to have sex, or only want to do certain sexual activities and not others, and ask your boyfriend to respect that limit. That may be something that's easier for you than setting limits on the fly.

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wilcatgirl
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I haven't . But he did tell me in the best and even when he was here yesterday that axe isn't a priority for him. He asks me every time if I want it. Does that show that he actually cares about how I feel in the moment?
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Molias
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It certainly sounds like he cares and is checking with you to make sure you're on board for sex.
So, how about you take Heather's suggestion and have a conversation with him before your next visit where you take sex off the table completely or set some limits you feel very comfortable with?

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wilcatgirl
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I know this might not be an effective way to talk to him. But he is in the military so we Skype every night. We are going to Skype in a little bit and I told him I had something serious to talk about and he said ok. I feel like he will understand, he may not like the idea but all I need for him is to understand.
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Molias
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Sounds like a good plan. And honestly, no matter how he feels about this, it's clearly something you need.
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wilcatgirl
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Im nervous right now, but who knows he might actually understand and accept where I'm coming from. And I'll make clear that its not like we will never have sex again, because we will. just not for the next time he visits. Everytime he's come here since November we have sex about 2 times and he's been back 5-6 times. Thats a lot of sex lol. I guess i'm different from my circle of friends who say they crave and need sex all the time. Sex is really fun, but I don't want to have it all the time because it takes the special moment away from doing it all the time.
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Heather
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You know, I wondered too, if you thought you might be feeling a pressure that is often felt in long-distance relationships, which is this sense that you need to bring All The Things, including The Best Sex of Ever, when he does visit because you don't see him often.

That's really common for people in LDRs to feel, I'd say, but also, obviously, it's a problem, especially when that sex is freaking you out, and then that person is not there for aftercare.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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wilcatgirl
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I think thats exactly what it is. We have sex and then he has to leave. And normally the sex happens the day before or the day he leaves. This time I promised myself I wouldn't have sex with him, but Initiated it. After I cried and was upset with myself because I broke my promise to myself. I enjoyed it don't get me wrong…And I've told him that Id give him the best sex ever, but I'm highly incapable of doing that.
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Heather
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Okay. Well, this is good to know!

So for one, I would strongly advise you, in your head, take away that promise. We can't promise the best sex ever. We just can't. When and if people have their best sex ever is usually so freaking random, it's just not a sound goal at all. Plus, the pressure of that! Yipes!

Again, when you talk tonight, I'd talk about this stuff, and again, lead with that you NEED to take ANY kind of sex freaking you out off the table for now, and maybe even ask for his help coming up with some other ways for you to feel like you two have gotten close so you still kind of get that need met.

You can also ask for him to support you, if you like, in terms of holding you to your limit that you know you need for yourself. Given, he shouldn't have to act like a parent, telling you you said you didn't want to do something when you invite him to do it with you: you need to take care of yourself that way, primarily, and take that responsibility for yourself. But you can certainly set that limit and ask for a little help holding it if you like.

Btw, in case you think this, you know that LDRs can be something people sustain without sex, right? That sex isn't glue that holds relationships together? If you don't know that, know it's not. [Smile]

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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wilcatgirl
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I know its not. I think he can really see how nervous I get after having sex. And i feel bad because yesterday I asked him if we can stop and he stopped and we laid there and kissed and held each other. That makes me think if he was really mad that I didn't continue he would be here still treating me well. I guess I don't give him enough credit in respecting my wishes. Its just hard because I want sex and he wants it but after he leaves I'm just heart broken.
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Heather
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So far, in all our conversations, I have not heard any indication this guy would likely be anything but supportive of your limits, and very relaxed about them. So, yeah, might be some lack of trust or faith here you have going to sort out.

But you can have that talk, and find out for yourself. [Smile]

You know, this doesn't have to be forever. In other words, this may be temporary, where some day, be it with this guy or another partner, you have the option of only having sex when your partner isn't literally running out the door right afterwards. That's something that is awfully hard on a whole lot of people when things are not super-casual, or they do not want anything but a sexual relationship with someone. Right now, it seems that's the only option, with this guy, but it likely does not have to be the forever-only-option, you know?

And too, there are other ways to engage in sex without risking pregnancy, if you find those things don't leave you feeling this way.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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wilcatgirl
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Him and I are pretty serious. We have been talking about marriage, he's going to take me to meet his family out in Missouri. I know nothing is for sure or absolute, but at this point in our life him and I do want a life together. I think I may be analyzing this way too much.
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Heather
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This is also your very first partner, wilcatgirl. It's not like you can know or predict how you feel -- save that at some point, you can, obviously, like now knowing how freaked some of this makes you -- without experiencing it and seeing how it goes.

But you know, if you two do think you may be in this for the long haul, then it's way more likely this is temporary, and you will soon enough get to a place where he is NOT leaving all this time and this is not long-distance. So, maybe focusing on that, and doing only what actually works in the situation you are in right now might help?

Unless THAT feels like pressure: after all, talking marriage with your very first partner when you're so young is also awfully heavy, so it might help even more to try and dial this all down a little bit? Lighten things up here?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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wilcatgirl
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wait. are you saying that me feeling this way about him is not right?
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