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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Pregnancy risk question.

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Author Topic: Pregnancy risk question.
Meerareed
Neophyte
Member # 109257

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I didn't really want to have to ask this, but my period was supposed to come today and it hasn't yet, which is making me nervous, and an answer would make me feel better.

Two weeks ago, I was hooking up with a guy. We were getting hot and heavy, and he moved to penetrate me and his bare penis brushed my vulva. I told him to stop and put on a condom. Since neither of us had one, we didn't have PIV sex, but manual and oral. He ejaculated, but none got anywhere near my vulva.

The next morning, I had some light cramping, which iI associate with ovulation, which got me worrying.

I've read that manual/oral, especially without ejaculate, doesn't pose a pregnancy risk, and rubbing genitals together does. However, we didn't do what other answers I've found have been about -- extended genital contact, rubbing against each other. He brushed against me momentarily -- not even my entrance I don't think -- and his penis never got anywhere near my vulva again.

So logic is telling me, probably there was no risk/minimal risk but I can't help but worry. I'm worried that my worrying is delaying my period. I had a headache this morning, and usually track my fertility via my cervix -- it feels hard and a little open, like my period should be coming, but it hasn't yet.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm just kind of freaking out and want my period to come. Some expert advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

[ 01-15-2014, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: Meerareed ]

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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It sounds to me like you've correctly estimated your risk.

It's completely normal for periods to be irregular in their arrival time, especially in terms of being a few days late or early. Does that help?

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Meerareed
Neophyte
Member # 109257

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It makes me feel a lot better to hear that from someone who knows what they're talking about. [Smile] I've been having a war in my head since this happened between "it seems logical not to worry" and "you're just telling yourself that to make yourself feel better."

Anyway, I think that I've learned having any kind of unprotected sex isn't for me. I haven't been feeling all that great about what I did and I think that's part of it.

Thanks for the super fast reply!

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Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

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I'm glad you're feeling better.

If you'd like to talk about what happened, or about how to have things go differently in the future so you feel good afterwards, we'd be very happy to do that with you.

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Meerareed
Neophyte
Member # 109257

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Even though we didn't have any kind of penetrative sex, he kept asking to, and promising he'd withdraw. I got pretty frustrated, like I wasn't being listened to. Plus, it just wasn't very pleasurable for me, and I felt like I was using all my "listen to me" points denying sex. Which I know is ridiculous but at the time it felt like it would be naggy, I guess? Afterwards, I wished I hadn't done it, not because I was assaulted or even felt dirty or used, but because it just felt like a waste of time. And I know that's not how sex is supposed to feel, but I've never had sex that was satisfying to me, both emotionally and physically. And it's kind of a downer.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Unfortunately, like all things in life, sometimes we are just plain going to have bad sex or connect with a bum partner.

My advice for any next times like this, if you want it, is that the minute you feel the ways you express feeling here? You just take a pass in the whole thing, excuse yourself, and go home. Generally, when we feel like that, and communicatiin and negotiation is going that poorly, we can be pretty sure the sex is going to follow suit and also be crummy.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Meerareed
Neophyte
Member # 109257

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I think that you're right. There came a point I just wanted to go home and go to bed. I even told him I was going to leave if he asked for PIV sex again, at which point he apologized and stopped asking. I felt like I should stay and get him off though, which now seems stupid. Especially since I wasn't enjoying myself when pleasing him was feeling like a chore and though he was trying, he just wasn't good at returning the favor.

Thank you for all the advice, and the external justification of what I'd been thinking. This is the first time that I've asked a question, but reading Scarleteen has helped me a lot in the past.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Eh, we live we learn, right? [Smile] Now you know! Our instincts really are almost always highly reliable guides: we can trust them.

And you are so welcome!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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