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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Broken hymen? Painful fingering

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Author Topic: Broken hymen? Painful fingering
Rach5495
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Member # 109293

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My boyfriend regularly fingers me and I really enjoy it. Recently I'd decided I was ready to have sex with him(I'm a virgin, he's not). He said I was too tight down there and it would be too painful. So he started being more intense with two fingers and going deeper to loosen me out a bit. It's a bit uncomfortable but never got close to me asking him to stop. Mostly it feels good. I definitely felt the more we did it the looser it got and the better it felt. Yesterday he asked could he try 3 fingers. I was really wet and he'd been using 2 fingers for a while already so I said yes. I have a very high pain threshold but I just couldn't take it, it was really painful. I pushed him away and he tried again but it was just too tight and I felt like he was stretching something that wasn't budging. We stopped at that and then noticed there was a fair bit of blood. And I bled for a while after. Did he possibly break my hymen? I've been horse riding and very active for a long time, I thought I'd be fine. When we transitioned from 1 to 2 fingers it hurt but it was nowhere near the pain of 3. I'm really afraid to have sex incase it's that painful again. I was completely relaxed and aroused. Advice would be much appreciated x
Posts: 2 | From: Ireland | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, hymens rarely actually "break," outside of things like sexual assault or serious genital injuries. Rather, what happens with the hymen is that it very gradually wears away over a lifetime, though sometimes more than others, like with some kinds of sex or masturbation. (Horseback riding, for the record, has no likely effect on the hymen: that's an old myth that mostly came out of people trying to scare women out of active sports over 100 years ago.)

That bleeding could have been because of some wearing away of the hymen, but it also could have been because of him doing that without using gloves or properly manicuring his hands or nails, because of needing lube (I know you say you were wet, but sometimes we need extra lube even then for some things), or maybe just because three fingers is not what felt good to you, but even when it hurt, you kept trying again anyway. Vaginal fissures or abrasions can happen for any or all of those reasons, and that can cause bleeding.

When something is painful, it is usually our bodies' way of telling us not to do that thing.

Just so you know, no kind of sex permanently "loosens" the vagina or vaginal opening. How tight or relaxed that opening or canal is is something that changes slightly based mostly on if we are relaxed or aroused, and then when we are neither of those things, or those ways of feeling stop, they go right back to how they were before.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rach5495
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Member # 109293

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Thanks for your quick reply!
If the hymen only wears away gradually I just wonder why it felt as if the hole he was putting his fingers in felt so tight, what caused that? And if the bleeding was caused by his nails would it really have bled as much as it did? I thought loads of girls bled the first time they had sex? Like when he used three fingers it felt as if they physically couldn't fit. What if that happens when I try to sleep with him?
Thank you so much x

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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The vaginal canal is a closed tube when nithing is in it, a tube made of, and also surrounded by, muscle. When we are relaxed and aroused, it expands, but if we are feeling pain there, we are not going to be relaxed anymore, and those muscles will tend to tighten up, like other muscles in our body often do with pain.

We actually have very little study on bleeding with first intercourse, but what we have so far supoorts that most people do NOT bleed with first intercourse when it is wanted and consensual. And yes, a little scratch can cause an awful lot of bleeding, as there are a whole ot of blood vessels in the genitals, and more blood is filling them when we are aroused.

It sounds like you are assuming that because this time, three of his fingers did not feel good, that means intercourse will not or will be a problem, but I am not sure why you are assuming that. A penis and fingers are different things, intercourse is different from manual sex, and discomfort with this this one time does not mean it will feel this way every time.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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