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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » I don't know what to do.

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Author Topic: I don't know what to do.
beaver987
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Member # 95850

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Hello Scarleteen,
So I have a questiom that I need a little advice for. I ak worried on the pill that I would get pregnant and be a "breakthrough" ovulator so the pill (or the shot) doesn't work on me so I got the advice to get ovulation tests for the month to see if I am one of the .03%.

I am really asking for advice here. I love my pill. The only side effect that I have is breast soreness throughout the month. However, I have soft stools sometimes (they sometimes fall apart, sometimes don) and I've had that for over a year so I'm scared it constiututes as diahrrea and isn't really working. I also breakdown when I'm about to get my period because I know the exact time its supposed to come. So I get more and more stressed out as I go down my pill pack.

For the shot, I love that I will only have to get it 4 times a year and it will not fail unless I am a breakthrough ovulator, but I am going to take ovulation tests to be confident I am part of the 99.7%. I like that I won't have to worry about counting down to when I get my period, and not have to worry about diahrrea or vomiting. But, I am terrified of the possible side effects like bleeding constantly, not knowing when you bleed, or gaining 5 lbs a year. it also made me nervous on your depo provera page that said these can last years after only getting one shot. I really need help with which one to pick. My doctor said it's really up to me, but I don't know. I apprrciate your responses to help me with this. Thank you!

Posts: 155 | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Your doctor is correct. This really is up to you.


All of your medical decisions are up to you. Once you have all the factual information for whatever medical decision you need to make, it's your responsibility to make the decisions that are right for your body. No one can, or should be able to, make those decisions for you.

We've talked with you before about making changes, such as not engaging in sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy, that might ease your anxiety around this. It sounds like this uncertainty about which contraception to use, and your strong fears that you may be one of the people for whom these forms of contraception don't work, tells me that your anxiety levels are still very high. Have you discussed your anxiety with your doctor?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
beaver987
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Member # 95850

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No, I haven't discussed my anxiety. It bothers me SO much that I feel like I will get pregnant when I havr sex. I want to SO bad. I feel like I'm with the right person, but I'm just terrified of my mom and getting pregnant going into my first year of college. It bothers me so much that some of my best friends that are in long term relationships can have sex and trust that everything is working and for me that knows SO MUCH from this website and how to have sex safely, use birth control to make it effective, I still can't havr sex because of that fear. And although my boyfriend doesn't pressure me, I know that he would like to which makes me feel bad. I don't havd any trust in anybody and that's how I grew up, so that might be part of my thinking that if I can't trust a person, how the heck am I supposed to trust a pill or a condom. I feel like I have to tell my mom, but I know I can't talk to her at all about this. Not even one bit, becauae she gets so angry and won't talk to me for days at a time.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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I'm so sorry you feel so alone with this.

I hear you on wishing you could feel better, that you could enjoy the kind of sex you want to enjoy, that you could have a similar outlook to the one your friends are expressing. When anxiety is this strong, wishing it away usually doesn't work. usually, when anxiety is as intense as you're describing, one needs help to manage it.

So, my suggestion would actually be to take a step back from making birth control decisions and make getting a handle on this anxiety a priority. What do you think of going to talk to your doctor, explaining how pervasive and long-lasting the anxiety has been, and talking with them about whether they think anti-anxiety medication is an option.

I also seem to recall that you were in therapy for a while. Did the therapist give you anti-anxiety strategies to try?

Did you and this therapist also discuss this difficulty with trust? That seems lie a really big thing for you, one that it might be worth taking a look at with a skilled therapist if you haven't done so already.

[ 01-20-2014, 11:27 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
beaver987
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Member # 95850

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Robin,
Thank you for the nice response. I'm having a really hard time with it this week. Do you think I would have to go into the doctor to see if that would be an option?

Also, yes I did see a therapist for about a year and when she left the office I stopped going. We talked about my pregnancy anxiety, my depression, not being able to talk to my mom, and I actually have a type of disorder that I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows when I get anxious or nervous (which happens a lot with my anxiety with pregnancy). I didn't talk to her about actual sex. It was more that I get worried about oral or manuel when I think precum could transfer to hands to vagina even though I'm taking the pill and have never missed one. I make it my number one priority to take daily. Anyways, she tried to teach me how to manage my worries and that it could never happen, but I stopped listenimg and talking about that after she said a couple wrong facts about the pill and pregnancy to try to help me.

I asked my mom a couple times to go back to a therapist and that I really liked it, but she said it was expensive, so I'd have to talk to her about what I want to go back for and if I actually need it. I know I need it, but I don't know if I can tell her why.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, a therapist/counselor is often not also a sex educator or contraception expert. That said, even your concerns about things like being one of the smallest percent of people for whom methods that suppress ovulation don't work suggest, to me, that clearly anxiety is still driving a lot of this car way more than reason, you know?

So, sounds to me like not just getting this help, but sticking with it, is something to figure out how to make a priority.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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