Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Risks? (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Risks?
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend and I were dry humping about 2 months ago and I have a few questions regarding this incident .
1. Could Precum pass through mesh shorts and boxers and still impregnate someone
2. Could Precum on his fingers cause a pregnacy if he were to finger me?
3. Is a period 11 days after this an indication of not being pregnant ?
4. Could I get some advice on how to deal with anxiety and stress over this?

Please help me .. I'm so stressed out about it..

Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Is this the same situation you asked about in this thread? http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/028903/p/1.html#000000

If so, then you've already been given all the information you need regarding whether there was a risk of pregnancy.

Having a period that is normal for you, that arrives when you're expecting it means that pregnancy did not happen. If you want to be absolutely sure, you can take a pregnancy test.

Per letting go of your anxiety around this, do you have anything that you know helps when you get stressed that could help now? (Reading a favourite book, watching a good movie, going for a walk, whatever.)

It might also help to think about what's at the root of your anxiety: some people worry about pregnancy risks because they don't feel like they have the information and education to tell what's a risk and what isn't. Other times, worry can come from not feeling quite ready to be sexually active, or from other problems in a relationship. Does any of that sound like it might be the case for you?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes I have very strict parents and I'm so scared because my period is now two days late and I'm not experiencing any symptoms of my period and my parents are questionin me. That's why I asked about the Precum on fingers risk, my boyfriend says he didn't have any Precum on his fingers or shorts but I don't believe him. So with one period I have no risk as you stated? And I tried to stop thinking about it but the thought creeps back in..
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Calliegrace,

Does your period always come after the same number of days, or does it come after a different number of days each time? I ask because having a period be two days later than usual really isn't late at all. It's typical for there to be some variation in when a period arrives. our bodies aren't machines, after all, and so don't follow the same patterns day after day, week after week.

So, trying not to think about this hasn't worked for you.

What sorts of things do you do that help you when you're feeling stressed?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes it normally does , but after this event I had my period 8 days later than I was supposed to and now i haven't gotten it this month either . Could Precum on his fingers , if he fingered me, get me pregnant? and I just started stressing after this incident took place . I don't know what would help relieve stress
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You've already been given the answer to whether what you're describing is a pregnancy risk. [Smile]

Menstrual cycles can change for all sorts of reasons. Our bodies aren't machines, so our cycles aren't going to be the same month after month, year after year.

Here's some information on missing and late periods:

M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?


Here too is some information on things you can do to take care of yourself and manage your stress:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/selfcare_a_la_carte

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So I had no risk for pregnancy right? I just want to make sure I understand the information you are giving me .
1- Precum can't go through clothes and still present a pregnancy risk

2- if a small amount of precum could have been present on his hand it would have to be completely soaked in semen to pose a risk?

3- if I had my period 11 days after this incident I'm most likely not pregnant and stress is delaying my period for this month?

Am I correct ? (:

Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Precum on hands isn't going to get anyone pregnant at all, but otherwise yes, you have that all right.
Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So there is no risk If he had Precum on his hand and fingered me after ? Sorry your response confused me , because I thought there was a low risk of fingering with Precum as I have read on you other threads .
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The only time that manual sex/fingering will pose a risk of pregnancy is if someone were to ejaculate on their hand and then take that hand and immediately put touch a partner's vulva with it. Precum won't do this. A little bit of dried semen won't do this.
Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay! Thank you so very much for your repsonse! And one final question (sorry to keep bothering you guys) can stress really make your period late or not Even come at all?
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If you look at the article Robin linked above, it talks about stress and other things that can delay periods. We can't always know why periods or late, but it may help to remember that bodies aren't machines, and that not everything runs according to a strict schedule. Sometimes cycles are irregular for a while, and there isn't always a specific reason.
Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Since I had a period since then it was 11 days after the incident , I spotted 4 days before , would I still have a chance of being pregnant ? I didn't have cramps like I usually do..
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Again, we've been very clear per giving you information about this non-risk. I get that you are still scared, but if we're going to keep talking about your fears here, I think we need to do it productively, which involves starting with the understanding that your fears are real, per you actually feeling scared, but a risk of pregnancy is NOT real.

In other words, feeling afraid about pregnancy, or feeling guilty and ashamed and scared around sexual activity? These are real feelings. We can talk about those and how to work through them and make choices that work for you given how you're feeling.

But what is not sound for us to do, nor productive, is to stay stuck in talking about something as if there were risks there simply were not, okay?

You're not pregnant, and can't be, because you didn't do anything that can create a pregnancy. The same would be true even if you were missing periods right now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am very afraid of becoming pregnant as my parents barely even let me date . I wouldn't want to risk the chance now for sure! Me and my boyfriend have talked about waiting until marriage to have sex, but then of course when my period didn't show up yet for this month I was really scared . As he has fingered me plenty of times and now all I can think about if there was any precum on his fingers . But you said there was no risk of me getting pregnant like this right? What would be the best to stop all of my stress around this matter ? I really would like my period to come any time now .
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I certainly understand that. Again, I'm not going to keep repeating that no, manual sex does not pose pregnancy risks. If you want it repeated, you could always just read the answers we gave over and over. [Smile]

Given how scared you are still, what do you think about taking all kinds of sex off the table for now, including manual sex? It doesn't sound like it's something you yet feel good about, or emotionally safe doing, and it seems to me like it's causing you a great deal of stress.

If waiting for marriage is what feels right for you, okay, but how about at least waiting until you have done some work to unpack some of what came out of your upbringing in terms of sex, and figure out what you need in the near future to really feel okay and not afraid when it comes to any sexual activities?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you so much for your replies! They really are making me feel alot better about my situation. And also I've been having this white discharge and it feels as if I'm peeing on myself when it comes out.. Is this a sign of my period or infection?
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We can't possibly know what is or is not normal discharge for you: only you can know your patterns. And if and when, for anyone, we notice discharges that seem very unusual for us in some way, and don't go away in a few days, then a healthcare provider is our next step to take.

How are you feeling about what I suggested per different choices that might better help you work through your fears and feelings?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think we are going to hold off on all sexual activity for now , since my period hasn't come yet and I'm still a little paranoid . My boyfriend is supporting me and says he knows I'm not pregnant bc there was no possible way to be. And I do trust him but I Really wanted expert advice on this possibility (:
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Glad to hear you have your boyfriend's support and understanding. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's very comforting but he said that sperm dies immediately after hitting air, which I I don't think is true . But precum can't be on his finger and be inserted into me to get me pregnant as you stated , he said there wouldn't be a risk even if his hand was soaked in precum , is that right ???
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Our whole bodies are full of oxygen, including sperm cells themselves, so not, this stuff about sperm "hitting air" just makes no sense in the first place.

I'm trying to set and hold a limit with you around rehashing information we have already given you, but feel like you keep dismissing it or pushing past it. Manual sex does not realistically pose pregnancy risks, and can't at all when there is not ejaculate -- not pre-ejaculate, ejaculate -- present at all. I am sure there really aren't any other ways left for us to say that, it's now on you to accept it or not, but we can't convince you to accept something you won't. As well, facts often can't touch irrational fears: that's because they're not rational.

Your fears here are, as you have clearly expressed, primarily about guilt and shame around sex and getting caught somehow, having engaged in sex. So, if you want to get some relief from them, you'll need to start working with the real things they are actually based in. Catch my drift?

But if that's not something you want to do, we still need you to respect limits we have set. I'm not going to keep repeating that what you have engaged in doesn't pose pregnancy risks, and I'm asking that you please stop asking me or others to do that, okay? Thanks.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you for the information I think I was confused on something in the answer but I understand that precum on fingers and inserted into the vagina poses no risk for pregnancy! Thank you (:
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
People should wash their hands before putting them on or inside someone's genitals. That's not just basic manners, it's basic health safety, just like we do before eating (hopefully). But that's about germs and infections, not about pregnancy.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I still haven't gotten my period /: how exactly do you chart, my last period was August 29 to September 3 , that was 40 days, so do I count another 40 days or no? My period used to be Regular but it isn't now ... I'm very scared of being pregnant from him fingering me . I'm sorry to be posting back so late ..
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I still haven't gotten my period /: how exactly do you chart, my last period was August 29 to September 3 , that was 40 days, so do I count another 40 days or no? My period used to be Regular but it isn't now ... I'm very scared of being pregnant from him fingering me . I'm sorry to be posting back so late ..
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Charting periods, specifically, just means making a note on day one of every cycle over time. To find out how long ones cycles are, you'd count between day one of one cycles and day one of the next.

But if you are just starting, you're not likely to be able to predict when a period is likely to arrive only have that information about one previous cycle, particularly if you know you tend to be irregular.

Once more, since manual sex doesn't pose pregnancy risks, so this fear is not a rational one, if you would like to talk about the things that are likely under this fear, where you seem clearly stuck to me, I'm glad to do that with you, and think that's most likely the best route to getting out from under them.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No ive has my period for about 4 years now and maybe stress is making it irregular ? I've. Been stressing two months straight about being pregnant from fingering
Yes I would like to talk about that with you!

Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There are many reasons periods can be irregular, including that it sometimes takes five years or more for them to become regular in the first place.

For all the possible reasons, you can read right here: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

So, I hear you saying that your parents are strict, so I assume whatever sexual activity you're engaging in, you're sneaking around, lying about it, yes? I also hear you saying they are monitoring your menstrual periods? In other words, you say that because your period is late, they are asking questions?

It sounds to me like what you're really scared of here is your parents.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My parents would probably kill me if I ended up pregnant at the age I am,and no my mom does know that I have been fingered and I expressed to her I was waiting until marriage for sex. My parents are one thing that scares me about this whole situation...
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, so lets then talk about that and them, since that is clearly the real fear here, eh?

We can do that a few different ways.

For instance, I am assuming your mother would not actually murder you: what are you afraid she WOULD actually do? What do you think would realistically happen?

Too, what do you think about NOT dating or being sexual right now while you are still at home and they are still like this? How different might you feel if you were not being dishonest and breaking rules and sneaking around?

Of course one option is to just be honest. Some of this might be that you're effectively waiting for them to find out in one way or another, scared about when and if they do, and just being honest about engaging in manual sex might take the air out of that balloon, so you don't have to live in fear of what will happen anymore.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My parents don't really care unless I actually have a risk of being pregnant so that's why I kept asking .. I needed an answer that would get them off my back .. But since my period was acting up I was even more scared! The guy in dating is way to great to let him walk away but no we aren't being sexual for a long time after tihat
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So why not be honest about this then? Once you are -- as in, "My boyfriend and I only had sex with our hands. I'm not pregnant, my period is just late, and by the way, can we let my period be my own business, please?" -- you may well find that the fear you're feeling gets a whole lot smaller very fast.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calliegrace
Activist
Member # 108435

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Calliegrace     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I like that answer! Lol thank you so much ! But my period last month was 40 days would I it have to wait 40 days this time also?
Posts: 71 | From: Los angles | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Like I told you earlier, I - nor you -- can possibly predict when this period is due or likely to arrive based on only knowing how many days your last cycle was. The way we can predict periods, when our cycles are regular, is by charting them over many months, not just one.

I hope being honest helps you let go of some of this fear. I really do think it sounds like the fear is of your parents, more than anything, but from what you're saying here, there's no reason for you to be being dishonest, amping up that fear, in the first place, so changing your tune in that regard may help.

I'd think getting some more privacy around your body and its functions might, too. I don't imagine your Mom would feel all that comfortable with you monitoring and asking about her bowel movements, after all -- I'd say the same goes double for her doing so with your periods.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen