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Author Topic: After first time questions
runrun67
Neophyte
Member # 108572

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So about a month ago me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. We were both virgins and we ended up doing it on the beach at night. The problem is it was so uncomfortable that we had to stop. I think it was a combination of me not being turned on enough (from nervousness and paranoia from being in a relatively public place) and not using lube (we did use a condom FYI). He said he couldn't really feel anything.
We tried again about 3 weeks ago and almost the same thing happened - only this time we used lube. I was turned on, however still paranoid that his parents would for some reason come home early. It was excruciating, to the point where I was in tears. I tried to suck it up but I couldn't handle it, although he got deeper than before and said he felt it a little bit. It just feels as though there isn't anywhere for it to go..

So my questions are:
1. Should we wait longer to try again? Would that help the situation at all or is it a matter of me being turned on enough?

2. It is normal for it to feel like his penis can't go in any farther? Is it possible that he's not quite putting it in the right place? (Sorry if that's TMI, I just don't know how else to explain it! I don't know how to tell if he's putting it in the right place..)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This second time, you didn't mention if you felt very turned on then or not: did you? It also sounds like you weren't able to feel relaxed either time, right?

Really, when something hurts with our bodies, we want to stop whatever that is. pain is our bodies telling us no, in a word. And it's usually best we listen. NOT "suck it up." especially since this isn't a needed surgery, it's sex, which should always be 100% optional and about pleasure, not getting through it. [Smile]

There is an end to the vaginal canal, so there will always be a point at which certain penises can't "go further." But by all means, how deep that is has a lot to do with arousal, for one, as when we are very turned on, the vaginal canal lengthens and becomes more flexible. It also is about angles: the vagina is angled kind of upwards and back, so when people are having intercourse -- or other kinds of sex with vaginal entry -- by all means, they can be at an angle where they are basically pushing against the walls of the vagina, rather than going with its angle.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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runrun67
Neophyte
Member # 108572

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Hi Heather,
Thanks for responding! The second time I was turned on at first, because we had talked about it a lot more and I felt more comfortable with the subject, but once the time came the paranoia of being caught crept in again and looking back now, no - I wasn't very turned on at the time of penetration

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay, so you know now that twice you weren't aroused when this was going on, which is a pretty big factor here, if not the biggest. same goes for being relaxed.

Do you forsee a time and scenario where you two could engage in this kind of sex or others with the kind of safety and privacy where you COULD relax? And in a situation where you COULD be very excited and stay feeling that way?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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