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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Peace of Mind

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Author Topic: Peace of Mind
Ananzi
Neophyte
Member # 96341

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Hi, I'm a 19 year old straight man. The problem I've been having is this: I have occasional porn cravings and I'm not sure what to do about them. Occasionally, (about once every week or two) I just get really aroused for some reason. A lot of times it's brought on by stress and not having time to myself because of college and by seeing high-heeled shoes, I kind of have a shoe and foot fetish. When this happens, I want to look at porn to relieve the feeling, but I feel really wrong about it. I've gone back and forth over the years. I've tried masturbating to relieve it, but I have trouble doing it during the day and I feel buzzed for several hours after doing it, which can be annoying if I have work/social stuff. I've tried ignoring it too, but that doesn't work either. Even when I do look at it, I feel really dirty and it bothers me. Whenever I look at a woman after that, the porn images flash in my mind. So I'm really torn about it, and I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm worried that it's distracting me from real relationships (I've never even been kissed). I'm also worried that no decent girl would ever want to be with a guy who watched porn, because I'd want to be honest with her if we became intimate.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Patricia H
Volunteer-in-training
Member # 103815

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Hey Ananzi,

Have you checked out our resources on porn? I'm giving you the link to our main article penned by Hanne Blank; you might find that it will answer some of your questions:

Looking, Lusting, and Learning: A Straightforward Look at Pornography

And perhaps it might help, too, if you could explain a bit more why you feel "wrong" about viewing porn; is this something that you feel like you should be feeling about porn because of what society dictates and taking pleasure in viewing it is socially unacceptable, or is this more of something that is intimately wrapped in your individuality and has more to do with you as an individual than anything else?

At length, I'd also like to add this link for you, too:

Self Care: A la Cart!

just because college is and can be stressful, making self-care of utmost importance in order to not only survive, but also be successful in school. It sounds like you're using masturbation as a mode of stress-relief, which is good, but I hope you'll take a look at that second article to see that there are plenty of other options available, especially if the one you're using now isn't working out too well for you.

As such, we'd love to hear what you think and how we can help you further if need be. [Smile]

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

Posts: 234 | From: Hawaii | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ananzi
Neophyte
Member # 96341

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I think it's more societal. When I look at porn, I feel sated. But then I start to worry that I should be able to resist the urge, that it's like wanting to drink or take drugs. I also worry that I'm damaging myself in looking at it and preventing the forming of real life relationships.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Only you get to decide if pornography is something you feel okay about or not, as that's very personal. And if you feel like it isn't okay, then you get to choose not to look at it.

The data we have so far on people and pornography hasn't shown us that looking at most pornography, and not doing it every minute of every day, is damaging to most people's lives or relationships. But again, that's really for any given person to decide and sort out for themselves.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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