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Author Topic: really fed up.
Daaante
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The medication I'm on is being stopped, so they can change it as I was told I have BPD and manic depression, I figured because I wasn't on the right medication coming off it wouldn't be so hard, but I was wrong. Its hard I was dependent on them, and without them I just feel worse than I did before, I'm failing to see the actual point of any thing any more. I'd be quite happy being on my own in a dark room from now until forever if I had it my way, it just doesn't play out that way, people in my family just never seem to want to leave. Me. Alone. I meaaan how proud must my parents be that they're kid is some whacked weird Douche bag that has tendencies to flip out and hurt them or any one or myself. I spent my entire day this week trying to convince my parents that it would just be best if they let me kill myself. If that's not something to be proud of I don't know what is. And what my kid must think i do not know. I want to make it better for her but I can't, I tried but I fail, I failed, I don't know why I'm rambling or ranting, fed up I guess, I'm sorry.
Posts: 56 | From: brighton east sussex England | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey, Daante: I am so, so sorry to hear you're feeling like this.

Unfortunately, I'm out of town right now for work, so have only a few minutes at a time to review the boards. I wish I had more time available to talk to you, as it sounds like you're in a really rough, rough place.

But I'm also hearing what sounds like you voicing suicidal feelings: is that the case? If so, I'd strongly advise contacting someone you trust -- and if you can't think of that someone, a hotline, like the Samaratins -- to ask for help and a lifeline with this. can you do that? I'll do my level best to check back later when I can.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Daaante
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Hi thanks, my older brothers around if i need him, but the Samaritans work for me, so I'll call if i need it to.
Posts: 56 | From: brighton east sussex England | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi Dante,

Just checking in to see how you're doing today.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daaante
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Hi, same as yesterday and the day before, but I'm fine, I'll have to be.
Posts: 56 | From: brighton east sussex England | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey Daaante, I was wondering if you had managed to get back onto your medication. It sounds like it was really helpful to you.
Posts: 688 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daaante
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Hi, not yet, i start my new medication on Tuesday, i want to be back on it, or on something it was helpful. It made things seem better now not so much.
Posts: 56 | From: brighton east sussex England | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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I understand. I'm glad that's happening and it's also good to hear you've been able to sort out what you need despite what you're experiencing. That's not easy.

Are you doing anything to pass the time tomorrow? I imagine it might be a relief to be using the medication again on Tuesday, even the physical effects weren't immediate.

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Daaante
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I think I'm meant to be in a meeting for work tomorrow, not that I've actually been at work for ages, i don't really want to go but I'm pretty sure the police are going to be there and I've known about it for the last month, but you know don't want to go, if i don't go i don't know what I'll do.
Posts: 56 | From: brighton east sussex England | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Well, right now you are sick, so you can't expect yourself to be doing great in terms of preparation for work stuff etc... It's better to only go if going to work will help you, or if it'd be too stressful you should have continued access to sick leave.

I'm thinking if you decide now that work isn't good for you, you could do something like taking yourself out for a movie (or getting a friend to), or something that you can do which doesn't put pressure on you, if that sounds like something helpful rather than cumbersome. From what you're saying, whatever activity would feel like a balance of easy and helpful for you seems like it'd be the best call. Perhaps easy could be the priority?

[ 09-22-2013, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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Daaante
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People just tend to annoy me, people in the same room same house annoy me. I just spent today alone with the added joy of my mum bugging me every hour of the day, I spent my afternoon trying to flick coins into a cup got pretty good until it got dark then not so good. Then not so good again when I remembered I missed my kids class play, not that I'm sure if I went it would of been for the best. I can't decide if I'm avoiding her or she's avoiding me either way it's not good. She was meant to be at my parents house to be safe to be away from me, but now I'm staying here . It's like welcome back to hell kid. It feels like hell it felt like it today if my mum wasn't coming in checking on me she'd text me and ask if I was okay. Then my dad came home and started it is constant. And I don't what they want me to say, my dad lost his grip on it today when I said I'm fine. But what is it they want me to say that I'd rather be high and hooking up rather than stuck being babysat. Because I'm pretty sure that won't go down at all well. I'm so grumpy and irritated and moaning I'm sorry.
Posts: 56 | From: brighton east sussex England | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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