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Author Topic: I'm from Brazil and I'm scared, Please help me!
Paul1990
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Hello,
My name is Paul and I'm from Brazil, so please, forgive me for my bad english.

Here's the thing.

In May 17, me and my gf had a situation. We were kissing and it got hot. So, she took of her clothes and stand in "4" position (hope you understand that). I took my penis out of my pants and touched on her butt (not in her anus or in her vagina). I didn't cum. But I was afraid of having pre-ejaculates fluid on my hands (it was little fluid) than, I touched her vagina.

That was tha risk situation. I checked your web site and a lots of other that said to me that tehere was NO RISK FROM THAT.

But i GOT COMPLETELY SCARED!!!!!!!!! And I got scared and ashamed to make a test.


In June 4, she had her period and she said it looked like exactly same as in the other months. She had cramps, and a lot os blood coming out of her vagina for 5 days (actualy, the last day wasn't too much).

She never had ANY Symptom as nausea etc.

In July 4, she had her period. 5 day of too much blood (the last one not so much), cramps. And that's it.

IN August, her period got 3 days late (she said it's because i made her really stressed). So in August 7, she had her period (and, again, 5 days of too much blood and cramps).

Now, if she was preganant, she would be for 17 weeks, and she must have gained some pounds and her belly should be bigger, but it's not.

I have no one to talk about and your website is helping me.

Here are my questions:
1) do you think we really had a non risk event?
2) I read that decidual blood looks like periods. But you guys have said that it doesn't look exactly like period and that is doesn't last for so many day. Should I consider this events like periods, and, consequently, that seh's NOT PREGNANT?


To sumerize,
In may, finger with pre ejaculatory on vigina, In june, july and august normal period) and now no symptoms at all, no big belly.

May I relax and be sure that she's not pregnant?

Sorry for the long posto and the bad english.
Help, i'm a little bit desperate.

--------------------
Thank you all

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Paul1990
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And she obvisouly needed pads for her periods in those last three months after that possible event

--------------------
Thank you all

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Heather
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Welcome to the boards, Paul, and your English looks just fine to me! (Forgive me for my total lack of Portugese!)

I hear you saying that you have read that what you're describing doesn't pose any likely pregnancy risks: I'd agree, it sure doesn't sound like there was one. Someone's buttocks are not their vulva or genitals.

I also hear that your girlfriend has had two periods since.

So, by all means, it sounds very clearly like she is not pregnant.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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I don't Know if it changes anything, but it was 3 periods (jun, Jul and August).


Should i truthly believe this is her period and not decidual bleeding?
thanks again
And, in portuguese, it menas Muito Obrigado! Lol

--------------------
Thank you all

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Paul1990
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By the way, i touched her butt with the penis, but her vagina with finger (they were propably with some pre-ejaculatory). Still the same answer?

No risk and not pregnant?

Thanks

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Thank you all

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Heather
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It only makes her even more not-pregnant. [Smile]

Decidual bleeding is not only pretty rare, but with period-level bleeding for several cycles, a pregnancy couldn't be sustained if it HAD happened, because the uterine lining shed is what a fetus needs in order to grow.

Is SHE concerned she is pregnant right now, or just you?

(Thanks for the little Portuguese lesson!)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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It's only me.

She says that she is not pregnant and is getting mad to me because i cant't relax.

So, may i relax once for all?
And if you dont bother, are you a doctor or a sex educator?

Thanks

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Thank you all

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Paul1990
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And would the uterine lining shed "grow" again after those bleedings?


Thank you so very much

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Thank you all

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Heather
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I have been working as a sex educator for over 15 years now. You're welcome to check my bio and CV if you like by clicking the "about me" link under my signature here. I also sometimes am a person who provides doctors and clinicians education about sex and sexuality, as medical schooling rarely includes that.

Well yes, it does that with every cycle -- for more information on that and everything else periods, check this out: On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation

-- but a fetus can't be sustained when menstrual cycles are happening.

Again, that lining is how a fetus is able to develop, but it's also how it's embedded inside the uterus. Without it, a pregnancy cannot continue.

I can't tell you you can or can't relax: that's obviously up to you. All I can say is that it seems pretty clear to me your girlfriend isn't pregnant, and if she knows she isn't and doesn't want to test, then by all means, I do think you need to drop this with her.

But perhaps you can tell me what you think you need in order to relax about this?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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I definetly don't know.

Just would like to take this out of my mind. Maybe with all this infos you got me i can do that.

I want to relax and a i feel like i should after everything we saw here.

In my shoes, would you relax and enjoy life knowing that there was no chance she is pregnant?

--------------------
Thank you all

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Heather
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You know, I can't put myself in your shoes, because I haven't been a guy who has the capacity to co-create a pregnancy in someone else's body that isn't theirs. I can certainly understand that that must be hard to get used to and accept.

I also am afraid I just don't know the process, personally, at all, of how one gets comfortable with that over time, save doing what you can to not go faster with sex than you feel ready for, and when you do, to only do so with reliable methods of contraception when pregnancy isn't a thing you want.

But what I do know is that what you have described here is someone who isn't pregnant, clearly, and you also seem to be saying your anxiety is putting a real strain on you and your relationship. So, from that perspective, I know were I you, I'd be doing all I could to let go of this, do things differently moving forward, and do what I could for myself to help myself relax.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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Thanks for your fast answer.

You have no idea of how this is helping me.
I agree with qou and I apologize for taking your time.

I feel much more happy right now, and the fact that you, a studied person, is telling me that she is not pregnant, than i can relax.

Thanks for your time and support. I'll try to be relax. Oh, by the way, A have never had sex, that's why i have so many doubts.

You may not believe, but that's truth.

Thank you!
Good Night.
Paul

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Thank you all

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Heather
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I have no reason not to believe you. [Smile]

You know, sometimes we find out how we really feel about things -- and if we're really ready for them or not -- by doing them. Obviously, finding out there are things we'd feel which are uncomfortable or upsetting, and that some things are outside our control we can't handle? So not fun.

But you live: you learn. Now you know!

I'm glad this was of help to you, and hope you can calm your worries. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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Final advice. May i really relax?

--------------------
Thank you all

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Heather
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You certainly don't need my permission, but if you're asking for it: YES!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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Thanksssssssssssss

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Thank you all

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Heather
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De nada!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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Hey, it's me again.

I'm still a little bit confused.

Let me ask you something. If a pregnant womem have a bleeding in pregnancy, this bleeding must be lighter than a period right?

If she has any bleeding that seems like a period, it's impossible that she's pregnant?


What about those people who says that has periods during pregnancy?


God, I can't take this out of my mind.

Are you really sure that a finger with some pre-ejaculatory fluid in a vagina wouldn't cause a preganancy?


Are you really sure that a woman that has 3 vaginal bleedings (that looked exactly like periods) in the in the right time cannot be pregnant.


Sorry for all theses questions...If you believe she's preganant, would say that i needed to check with a doctor?

Should i relax?

--------------------
Thank you all

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Heather
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We've talked a lot about this in other threads before, but to sum up, most of the time, people saying they are having periods through pregnancy are either a) not being truthful, b) have miscalculated when they became pregnant (thinking it happened earlier than it did), c) have had bleeding for other reasons, and not bleeding at the level of a period.

We can't say that it is impossible for a finger with your fluids on it, placed inside someone's vagina to cause a pregnancy. But what we can say is that given the fragility of sperm cells, and the many factors needed beyond contact with possible trace sperm cells (which are always the weakest of the bunch) to create a pregnancy, it is incredibly unlikely.

Again, she has had three periods. You didn't do anything at all likely to create a pregnancy in the first place. So, no, once more, her being pregnant is clearly a non-issue here.

It might also help to remember that she'd have WAY more cause to be concerned about being several months pregnant than you do, since it's primarily her body and life it would effect. And pregnancy is one of the biggest things that can happen to a body, so it's not like she'd feel all normal and fine for months into a pregnancy.

As well, while to you, periods are only what they look like, to those of us who have them, they also FEEL like a whole bunch of things, things we recognize when we are having them, are about to have them, and when they are over. So, while I get that you may be in doubt these were her periods, you can be sure the person with periods knows what they are when they happen.

I think you need to let her non-concern here take the lead.

What do you think you need to let this go?

[ 08-29-2013, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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So, it's possible in theory to get pregnant with pre-cum on fingers but for pratical purposes it's not possible?

No preganant woman can bleed 3 times as in her period and sustein a pregnancy?

If she was pregnant, and had a bleeding, she would be able to make a diference from the period?

With 4 months, would she need to grow a belly?


I don't know. I'm a little bit nervous cause har next period must come in a week or 10 days. And I start thinking: "what if this period doesn't come?"

And i got desperate. That's why i'm getting all these infos so i can use reality against my thoughts.

--------------------
Thank you all

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Heather
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It's possible just like it's possible to win 20 million dollars in the lottery. Or like it's possible to accidentally come up with the cure for cancer.

Menstrual periods are something people have because the body and brain sends signals to the reproductive system that it is not pregnant, and thus, can shed the uterine lining that has built up during that cycle in case a pregnancy did happen. And once more -- last time -- in four months of pregnancy, someone who is not mentally ill, off in total lalaland (like serious drug users, or people very traumatized by something to the point they aren't noticing their lives much anymore), not only is a person having some body changes, they are feeling that something very different is up. This is kind of like asking if someone having a heart attack can somehow not know something is wrong: a pregnancy does a whammy on a body, and not just during a birth.

Clearly, at this point, stating the facts isn't working, and we need to manage our time here and not keep going with information we know isn't helpful and is fruitless. When people are having irrational fears, facts don't often help, since they are rational.

Your girlfriend isn't pregnant. That's the fact, and it's the one that matters. She's just not. She's told you she is not, I've told you she is not.

If you keep finding yourself unable to accept that, then you have to know this isn't an issue of a lack of facts, but an issue of your feelings and anxiety that isn't rational per a pregnancy,. but might be per not feeling okay about what you did for some reason. Have you sat with those feelings and tried to sort through them?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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No, I have not made it.


My gf is really mad at me because i'm always looking to her belly to see if it is getting big.

She said to me that she has a pants that was tight and now this pants is getting loose. Is this one more fact that she is not pregnant?

I'm really nervous because her 4th period time is coming soon

--------------------
Thank you all

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Paul1990
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Miss Heather Corinna, here1s what makes me confused

One text of yahoo says: "Finally, it's also possible to have bleeding while pregnant that isn't a period at all. I personally have known several women who had periodic bleeding for the first several months of their pregnancy. Many things can cause bleeding during pregnancy including cervical changes, sex, infection, and placenta problems. In many other cases the reason is unknown and nothing is abnormal or wrong at all.

It's important to understand that bleeding doesn't guarantee that you aren't pregnant" http://voices.yahoo.com/3-ways-pregnant-still-period-10158965.html


This other web site says: "Occasionally, a woman will continue to have a small, red or pinkish vaginal loss for a day or so around the time that their period would have been due, for example at around 4, 8, 12 and 16 weeks of the pregnancy.
This is more common during early pregnancy, but can persist into later pregnancy as well.
Some women will experience bright spotting (fresh bleeding), or brown spotting (bleeding that happened a day or so ago), at some stage during their pregnancy. This may appear as a heavy bleed, like a period, or like a 'light period' or simply as something small which is noticed when wiping herself after going to the toilet." http://www.kidspot.com.au/Pregnancy-First-trimester-Early-pregnancy-symptom-missed-period+3820+113+article.htm


In the other hand, site web site from providence health and services says that: "Spotting early in pregnancy can be confusing, however, especially if your menstrual flow is ordinarily light, and the bleeding coincides with the usual timing of your period. Women who are pregnant generally feel an extreme tiredness that does not accompany menstruation. (Most pregnant women also develop breast tenderness, but that may not feel different from breast tenderness that accompanies your period.)

Pregnancy spotting is much lighter than what most women experience during their period, and it would last for fewer days than the typical period." http://oregon.providence.org/patients/programs/providence-pregnancy-labor-and-birth/pages/askanexpertlanding.aspx?templatename=ask+an+expert:+can+i+have+my+period+and+still+be+preg nant?&templatetype=askanexpert


So, this is what makes me confused. What should I believe?


That 3 heavy periods can only be a period or that those 3 vaginal bleedings may mimic a period but is in fact a preganancy bleeding?


Please help out here (one more time. And please dont get mad with me)

Thanks for your time

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Thank you all

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Paul1990
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Please don't leave me with no infos rigth now.

--------------------
Thank you all

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Heather
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I'm not going to address that Yahoo piece because, as you'll notice by clicking on the writer's bio, she has no background in any of this. Making sure you are reading credible information, not just any information, matters. And for a small organization with a huge reach, and a teeny budget and staff, we can't possibly give time to debunking everything someone reads on the internet.

On the other hand, as you'll note from those other two links which are credible, they talk about spotting, which is very light bleeding usually not over many days, and that's very different from most people's periods. Again, periods also usually come with a host of other symptoms which people having them are familiar with. You'll also note the latter addresses one thing I have been trying to do with you, which is that pregnancy is something that feels like many things, and does not feel the same, especially over many months, as a period does.

Those last two links basically back up what I have been trying to tell you.

There's something you're doing right now with all these searches and some of your posts here, which is looking to validate irrational fears, and that's something known and documented to INCREASE anxiety, not help you calm down and let go of it.

So, once more, it's very clear to me facts aren't the answer to your feelings right now. And I need to step aside from having the same kind of conversations we have been. This isn't about my being mad, but about doing my job well and using our time efficiently.

Instead, if you want to keep talking with me, I'm going to need to insist that we try and do this in ways I know -- this isn't anything close to the first time I've worked a user through this, after all -- are much more likely to help you out.

Let's go back to what I left off asking you in my last reply:

quote:
Your girlfriend isn't pregnant. That's the fact, and it's the one that matters. She's just not. She's told you she is not, I've told you she is not.

If you keep finding yourself unable to accept that, then you have to know this isn't an issue of a lack of facts, but an issue of your feelings and anxiety that isn't rational per a pregnancy,. but might be per not feeling okay about what you did for some reason. Have you sat with those feelings and tried to sort through them?

You'lkl also note they make clear

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Paul1990
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Miss Corina, are you really sure that i haven't a risk in teh first place.

So there's no risk and no chance of pregnancy? and that 3 peridos (in the expected time and exactly the same way ever) confirm her not pregnancy


Please anwser these last quetion... SHOULD I RELAX? I need these answer...

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Paul1990
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please, please, please answer me!

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Molias
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Paul, everything you're asking here is something Heather's addressed before. She quoted herself in her last post, but it's important so I'm going to do it again:
quote:
Your girlfriend isn't pregnant. That's the fact, and it's the one that matters. She's just not. She's told you she is not, I've told you she is not.

If you keep finding yourself unable to accept that, then you have to know this isn't an issue of a lack of facts, but an issue of your feelings and anxiety that isn't rational per a pregnancy,. but might be per not feeling okay about what you did for some reason. Have you sat with those feelings and tried to sort through them?

Answering these same questions - with the same answers, which you can scroll back up and read for yourself in this thread - isn't going to help here, and it's really not ok to walk past a limit that's been set around those questions.
So right now, what can YOU do to manage your anxious feelings? You keep asking us if you can relax about this, but it's really up to you to find a way to do that. How about reading through this article for some ideas? Self-Care a La Carte
Another thing that will probably be helpful, which Heather mentioned above, is not going looking for more information online to validate the fears you're having. How about you step back from looking up any of this on the internet at all, right now, and focus on managing your discomfort and anxiety?

Also, one of the things you agreed to when signing up here is not to bump threads, especially after just a few minutes; we're all volunteers here and there's no guarantee that your questions will be answered instantly. Please be patient, especially when you're asking the sort of questions that we've answered before.

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Paul1990
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Ok, i'm sorry. It's just you guys gives me good and confidential infos.

When I ask if i should relax it really would set me free.

Having your opnion about it in a very objective way is helping me. FOr all you have read,

SHOULD I RELAX?

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Molias
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Certainly, I think relaxing is 100% in your best interest here! You don't need our permission to relax, but I would certainly encourage you to.
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Paul1990
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Molias and Heather


I just read something that is making me scared!!!!!!!!!


"Some women experience what is known as ‘breakthrough bleeding’ at the times when your period would have normally been due. So this would be at 4, 8 and 12 weeks of pregnancy. It is often accompanied by the feeling that you would normally associate with your period being imminent i.e. back ache, cramps, a heavy sensation in your pelvis, feeling bloated and ‘off’. Of course the period doesn’t arrive (even though you feel like it will) because you are actually pregnant! During pregnancy, hormones prevent your period from occurring. Sometimes the hormone levels are not yet high enough to stop your period and therefore you have this breakthrough bleeding. It can last for around three months – after this time the placenta begins to take over hormone production from your ovaries. Some women may experience breakthrough bleeding throughout the whole pregnancy and have healthy babies, under the close watch of their carer."

(Link removed as it contains misleading information. --RM)
So, how can I tell a diference between a breakthrough bleeding or a period?

See my confusion?


PLEASE, FOR GOD SAKE, KEEP ANSWERING ME

[ 08-31-2013, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Thank you all

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Paul1990
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Anybody?

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Thank you all

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Robin Lee
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Hi Paul,

This doesn't change anything that you've already discussed with people here. We're not able to explain why other sites provide the information they do.

We can only give you the factual information we have put together based on the facts of how the reproductive system works and what can and cannot cause reproduction to occur. Based on those facts, we know the statement you quoted above to not be something a person is at all likely to experience.

However, you get to choose which information you look at and how you decide what information to believe.
If you'd like to talk about how to determine what information is valid and what is not, we'd be happy to talk about that with you.

[ 08-31-2013, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

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Paul1990
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Oh, thanks for answering.

So, I've simply google it and enter in the 10 first websites google gives me.

My question is a little bit technichal. Can a women bleed everymonth, in the right date, with the same flow ever and yet been pregnant?

How can i found good information.
My gf had 3 periods in the right date as always. Do you believe as Hather and Molias that no risk of pregnancy and no way that is happening. Does theses bleedings mimics pregnancy bleeding?

Or they can only be pregnancy?

Thanks for answering

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Thank you all

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Robin Lee
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Hi Paul,

It's not about what I believe, or about what anyone else believes, but about what the facts are. You've already been told what the facts are regarding whether pregnancy can even be possible in this situation.

What is making you continue to search for this information when it's already been given to you?

No, I have never heard of someone having monthly bleeding, at the same date and for the same duration as a period, when pregnant. As Heather told you, bleeding during pregnancy is really a rare thing, and when it does happen, it's not going to be like a period.

Our answer on that isn't going to change. [Smile]


Here is some information on how to determine what information is accurate and which information likely is not.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/legit_or_unfit_finding_safe_sound_sex_educators_support_onlin


It seems to me that the information you've received here isn't helping you with your worry. What do you think would help you stop worrying or be able to manage that worrying?e

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Robin

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