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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Girlfriend is having trouble orgasming, but just around me

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Author Topic: Girlfriend is having trouble orgasming, but just around me
Supper800
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Hello, Ive been dating this girl for almost 11 months now, and we love each other very much. we both feel very comfortable with each other and can easily talk to each other about our sexual desires and problems.
Now, we haven't had sex yet, but we have done just about everything else. However, whenever I touch her or anything she can't orgasm. In fact, when she touches herself around me she can't orgasm. She says she can perfectly fine on her own at home, but with me just being around she says she keeps getting close but can't get there. She says shes completely comfortable, but I dont know if theres some hidden anxiety. I just don't know what to do and it's starting to cause serious problems for her and is making her feel extremely sad. If it's important, she started some anti-depressant medication a few weeks ago.

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Heather
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Welcome to the boards, Supper800. [Smile]

By all means, both depression AND anti-depressants can have sexual side effects. As well, it's not unusual for people to sometimes have troubles reaching orgasm, from any kind of sexual contact, with partners, but do fine on their own.

Can I ask why not reaching orgasm has her so upset if she and you are otherwise enjoying yourselves?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Supper800
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She mainly just gets really frustrated and thinks that there is something is wrong. I just don't know what to tell her
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Heather
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Have you tried telling her that what matters most is not if she orgasms or not, but if she is enjoying herself?

If she is concerned she is having sexual side effects from her medication, has she also brought this up with her prescribing physician?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Supper800
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I have, but she still gets frustrated, a few times to the point of tears. And no, we haven't really thought about it, I'll talk to her about talking to the physician.
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Heather
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Have you two talked about maybe taking a break from sexual activity?

In other words, it sounds like she's having a very hard time with this, and is also probably starting to come to any kind of sex every time now already frustrated with herself, and already very emotionally loaded, and not in the good way.

In other words, taking the pressure off here for a bit might be a great idea, especially since the very biggest impediment not just to orgasm, but, and more importantly, to pleasure with any kind of sex, is coming to it with the aim of a certain product -- like orgasm -- rather than coming to it as something to experience as a process, without any kind of goal per an outcome beyond just seeing what happens.

Know what I mean?

(Alternately, or in line with this, does she know about this site and space? You could certainly suggest it to her if it was something she herself wanted to talk about with someone besides you.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Supper800
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Those are great suggestions and I think I will try them all! Thank you so much!
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Heather
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Sure thing. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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