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Author Topic: Hurt urethra from sex?
catboats
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Yesterday my partner and I were having sex for the first time in about a month and she penetrated me vaginally with her fingers. The first time it felt okay, but we did it again later and it hurt so we had to stop. Before it started to hurt it felt different than usual and I wondered if the angle was different, but after a while it got really unpleasant. I went to the washroom after we stopped and peeing stung a little, and there was a tiny amount of blood, but I didn't think too much of it because I figured it was minor tearing and not a big deal.
Later on in the evening we were having sex again (uh, like I said, it's been a month...) and she was more gentle but it still hurt somewhat. It wasn't uncomfortable enough to stop and I'm used to penetration hurting somewhat, so again, I didn't think much of it at the time. When I got home, I was still in a little bit of pain so I took an Advil and went to bed.
This morning when I used the washroom, it stung and burned and I'm concerned some damage has been done to my urethra. I don't think it's a UTI because I've had them before and I don't feel any of the symptoms I usually get but now I'm a little concerned I've tore something. Any ideas as to what it might be and what I could do to treat it if it doesn't stop hurting soon?

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Heather
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Since the urethra isn't something a partner can actually enter with hands or fingers, nor something that can tear, unless that whole area hurts or is sore -- like it can from being rubbed raw, for instance -- I'd figure this wasn't a urethral injury. Unless your partner literally WAS trying to enter your urethra with something very small, like an object such as a urethral sound.

UTIs don't always feel the same every time, even when we've had them before more than once. So, I'd just keep an eye out for any of the common symptoms you do have in the next few days. If they show up, see your healthcare provider. If they don't, but this soreness doesn't stop, then again, I'd see your healthcare provider.

And next time around, by all means, when something just doesn't feel good -- rather than not being "uncomfortable enough to stop" -- you really do want to pay attention to that and change things up so that rather than anything not hurting, or just not feeling good, whatever you are doing actually feels good.

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catboats
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Thanks so much for your response! I tend to have problems with vaginal penetration because it feels good but often tends to cause a small level of discomfort as well (which is why I said not uncomfortable enough to stop, as I was actually enjoying it despite some minor pain) but I'm not used to it still hurting afterwords. I'll keep an eye on the symptoms and contact my doctor should they show up. Thank you! (:
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Heather
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Do you want to try some troubleshooting around that discomfort?

I may or may not be able to help you find a solution, but I'm happy to try, if you'd like.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catboats
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Oh, I'd really appreciate that, thank you!
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Heather
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You got it.

Can you fill me in on exactly what hurts, how it hurts -- where you feel pain, if it feels more like it's on the surface of your skin, like around your vaginal opening or if it feels deeper and more internal, and when, if ever, it feels better, rather than hurting, or hurts less?

Also, I assume you're already doing things like using lube right from the start, and adding more as needed? Waiting for any entry until you're turned on like nobody's business, and only doing that kind of sex when it's something you really really want? That you've tried having your girlfriend use gloves to see if that helps, etc?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catboats
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(apologies for the delay on the reply, I got interrupted)

It's definitely more of a deep, internal pain and has never really felt like a problem on the surface of my skin or like it might be an issue of friction or sensitivity. The first time we tried penetrative sex, she commented on the fact that I was really "tight", and I've noticed that in the few times I've vaginally penetrated myself, there's not a lot of room. If I take my time and go really slowly, I can usually work up to two fingers, and usually I find it uncomfortable so I don't do it, but on the few times I've tried and haven't found it uncomfortable, I still notice there's not any room to move. It may sound strange, but is it perhaps an issue of size?

My body's self-lubrication is actually quite heavy and friction has never been a concern, so on my own or with her I've never really found a need for lube, but if you'd recommend it, we'll certainly use it the next time we have sex. We definitely wait and make sure that there's lots and lots of foreplay before any kind of penetration, and there's always been zero pressure on her side and full and enthusiastic consent on mine, so it's only ever been when I really really want to. We haven't considered using gloves, but would that be something you recommend?

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Heather
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No worries, it's always okay for users to come and go here on whatever timetable they need. [Smile]

Given that the vagina is a flexible, muscular tube, there really aren't size differences with this. That tube can be more or less flexible, but when inflexibility is an issue, it's most commonly an issue with people entering or past menopause: in other words, it's usually a hormonal issue UNLESS someone simply isn't highly aroused at the time. Arousal very much increases that flexibility, and helps decrease tenseness of that muscle and the muscles surrounding it.

Can you perhaps fill me in a bit on how turned on you are BEFORE you do any kind of entry at all? I hear you saying you do a lot of other things first, but while that's happening, are you getting super-excited, and only even starting with any entry once you are very highly aroused, and almost feel a physical ache for that kind of sex?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catboats
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"Almost feel a physical ache for that kind of sex" is probably how I'd best describe it, actually. Usually we'll start with clitoral stimulation before we go onto penetration, and this time (the time I had to stop because of discomfort) I actually requested that she take longer than usual before we did any kind of entry, and I felt completely ready for it before she started, but I noticed that it felt different than usual, almost like the angle was different. I told her that and we did reposition a little but it didn't seem to make a difference. It didn't hurt and I was still getting pleasure out of it, but it felt different somehow, and I couldn't pinpoint why. The reason I actually stopped her at first was because I really needed to pee, which I know is normal with g-spot stimulation and has happened before, so I got up to use the washroom and that's when I noticed most of the pain set in. Later on when we did it again, it was kind of rushed and so I think that's likely why it hurt that time, and I'll definitely talk to her about taking more time in the future. I'm still not entirely sure, though, why the time that the pain started was when we really took our time and had lots of foreplay and stimulation and I felt really ready before we started.
I've been talking to her about this since posting the question and she pointed out that she could have also possibly scratched me with her nail, which I'm not too concerned about because she keeps them short and it hasn't really been a problem in the past, but could that perhaps be a cause for concern?

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Heather
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That certainly can happen: genital tissue is mighty delicate, so even a hangnail or callous can cause an abrasion sometimes. (This is one way gloves can be awesome.) But that obviously doesn't address the deeper internal pain we've moved into talking about.

I might add that vaginal entry isn't something that will always feel good, even when people generally find that it does. That can vary for a whole bunch of reasons -- even including where we're at in our fertility cycle -- but is a thing, and we also many not always be able to identify why. So, I'd say when you find it just isn't feeling like the thing, and a change or two doesn't make it go from "ow" or "meh" so "HELLS YEAH," that can be a cue that it's just not the thing to be doing that day, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catboats
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Okay, that's really good to keep in mind, and I'll definitely make note of that for the future. Thank you so much for all your help, I really appreciate it!
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Heather
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Sure thing! Hope you're feeling better soon. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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