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Author Topic: No pleasure during sex
Princesspampam
Neophyte
Member # 108325

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Me and my boyfriend, both 20, have been dating five years. Well, last year we had it off. We never had sex until last week. I was a virgin he wasn't. For the past week we've had sex everyday but I don't feel pleasure or moan. It feels like nothing. He says it feels good but not as that good. It is not painful. My first time went well with him. I didn't bleed a lot, barely anything. When he fingers me it feels amazing. Could it be that I get to wet ? Or he isn't big enough? I asked about his previous sex life during the time we broke up and he doesn't remember much but he lasted longer. The first time he lasted 20 second until he came. The longest has been a minute. We both get frustrated. He doesn't say anything but I know. I want to have that sex everyone talk about how amazing it feels. I am in love with him and he is with me. We moved in together a month ago and plan on getting married. Help ?!?! What is going on? Is it because its my first couple of times? Will it get better?
Posts: 10 | From: Florida | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Welcome to Scarlteen, Princess.

Let me start by asking a few questions. How is the communication between the two of you? Do you talk about what you like and what you don't like, what works and what doesn't? How do you two feel about intercourse? Was it something you both really wanted? When you have intercourse, are you both aroused and into it?

While your answers to these questions will be helpful for sorting this out, you will also want to keep in mind that intercourse is not always amazing, and that it may not feel amazing to everyone. It is one sexual activity of many, and most people find over time that they have preferences, and that some activities feel better for them than others. It is entirely possible that intercourse just is not destined to be your absolute favorite, and that is perfectly alright, too.

This may also be a good read for you: Is THAT All There Is?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Princesspampam
Neophyte
Member # 108325

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Ok, I will admit I am not feeling connected with him. I am very insecure with my body and still hurt from the past. I have seen the girls he has slept with and they are beautiful. No fat whatsoever. I have a bulky belly and stretch marks. He knows that. So in a way I feel like I can't fully let go and ride him or try any other position freely because I am constantly thinking of my fat or I try to suck it in. He doesn't like to talk about it much. He thinks ill bring up the past that he knows hurts me. We just moved in and I see stress being he is the only one working. I see it does enjoy intercourse but he tells its feeling better for him but I don't kno if he is lying. I've been feeling depressed lately due to other thins but I want to give him sex, seeing he is 20 and at that age anyone like that. Yes we are both aroused, but I've never come or even orgasmed yet. It just feels blah.
Posts: 10 | From: Florida | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down on yourself, Princess. You are right: that is very likely to be at least part of the problem here. For sex to feel good and pleasurable, it is important that you are able to relax and let go of worries so you can be in the moment. If you are preoccupied with what your partner thinks of you and how your belly looks from this angle, then the chances that the sex is going to be better than blah are fairly low [Frown]

Additionally, it sounds like you are putting some pressure on yourself to keep this quiet and give him what you think he wants. However, no one ever needs sex, regardless of how old they are. They might like to have it, but they certainly do not require it. There is no obligation on your part to provide sex for him, especially if it's not something you feel comfortable with.

The first step I would suggest is that you talk to your partner and let him know honestly what is going on. As a second step, I think it would be a good idea to stop having intercourse, for now, and instead focus on the types of sex that you do enjoy.

And lastly, to me it sounds like you'd benefit greatly from talking to a counselor. Aside from your poor self-esteem, you also mention a difficult pasrt and feeling depressed, and all of those are things that a counselor can help you with.

[ 08-29-2013, 02:15 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Princesspampam
Neophyte
Member # 108325

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Thank you ! That was very helpful ! 😊
Posts: 10 | From: Florida | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Glad to hear it! You are welcome. If you need any further help with this as you figure it out, don't hesitate to come on back!

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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