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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Cant get over this

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Author Topic: Cant get over this
ken wat
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Member # 108243

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So I am sorry
But before I have posted here about my activities with a man when I was 12 years old. Pretty much to overview I had a four day period when I was 12 that I did sexual things with a man. I also have later on determined that some of it was sexual abuse, and some of it was consensual. I also determined that I physically liked it, but emotionally and mentally I was very uncomfortable with it. Right now I identify myself as heterosexual because I have only been attracted to women all my life, had 3 gfs and did many things with them that I enjoyed. Also I have never been attracted to guys in any way. Also I would never do anything with a man now, I cannot imagine it and I will not do it. I thought I got over this, but it is still bothering me. I try to focus on other things. Some of the elements that bother me about my experience is "hey are you sure you are straight, you wouldn't do anything sexual with a guy are you sure" or "Will your future partners understand I'm sure they will leave" I do not know if I am paranoid or anything, but the idea of me being bisexual is nagging at my head, and even though I know I am only attracted to women, I sometimes think hey maybe I am attracted to men, but then identify that I am definitely not, and suddenly question myself again , and the cycle repeats itself. I am in a crisis because school starts soon for me and personally it is the most important year to get into colleges, I cannot have my head on something I did in the past. Can you all here help me on getting over this, and give me advice on how I should think of what I did when I was 12?
thank you

Posts: 74 | From: usa | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi Ken,

It's understandable that you're still struggling with this. These are really big issues, particularly identifying that your experience was abusive. I also hear your concern that this school year is important and you need to be able to focus on it completely.

I know you and Heather discussed the option of counseling. Have you given that any more thought?

When your thoughts are racing and you have big troubles not thinking about something, that's usually a sign that a counselor is the person you need to be talking to. Counsellors have techniques that they can teach you for slowing your thoughts down, and a counselor can also work with you to sort out your thoughts and help you accept yourself.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Also, I wonder if it would help to remind yourself that you didn't choose the sexual activity you engaged in when you were twelve. It's not fair to you to judge or evaluate yourself based on something that you didn't choose to happen.

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Robin

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ken wat
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I am sorry I am young and a councellor isnt available to me I will consider the things youve said robin thank you
Posts: 74 | From: usa | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi Ken,

Can you tell me a little more about why you think a counselor isn't available to you?

I ask because there are a lot of different ways to get counseling, and I'm wondering what you mean by not being able to access it.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ken wat
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Member # 108243

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wouldnt it cost money and i need to tell my parents about it?
Posts: 74 | From: usa | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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