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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Uncomfortable with my mom in my first ob/gyn appointment!

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Author Topic: Uncomfortable with my mom in my first ob/gyn appointment!
HeartAngel
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Hi! So I'm supposed to have my first ever obgyn appointment and I'm so nervous. The reason why I'm going is because during my last period I've experienced brown spotting in between my cycle and I got worried so my mom called the obgyn to ease my mind. I have pretty bad anxiety problems. Anyways, I would really prefer for my mom not to be in the room because I have some questions I would like to ask my obgyn. You see me and my bf have been fooling around but I'm still a virgin. His penis has not ever gotten in contact with my vagina without clothes on. This one day we were fooling around and I got carried away and was caught up in the moment where I just did't think about being extra careful. We washed our hands before he touches me or I touch myself prior to touching him but I'm scared that I could have forgotten or he could have forgotten to wash his hands and proceed to fingering me. Right now I'm trying my best to be calm. And I know that this question is kind of "going around" the whole idea about not posting stuff like this but I am really confused. Can you really get pregnant from fingering with a posibility that there was sperm on a guy's fingers that is not actual semen but precum which was not felt or visible. Should I be worried? Should I bother to even push my mom away just to ask this question and risk my mom thinking wrong about me? I'm so worried that I'm pregnant and I'm worried that the only thing I can do to ease my worries would be to ask the doctor but I'm worried that this would cause my mom to be suspicious about me. Also I have been planning to just ask thr doctor to prescribe me some birth control pills so pains that I experience during my period would be alleviated and so that I don't have to stress about getting pregnant accidentally. I'm not trying to have sex at all because I'm emotionally and mentally unstable to handle the consequences, but I as of right now I have no idea what is safe to do anymore because some people in te internet do say that sperm can swim up and everything. And I'm also stressed about the mom situation. Please help me! Is it all worth it? Is my mom going to think wrong about me saying I don't want her to be in the room? Because me and my mom are pretty close and I'm comfortable with her even though I'm in my birthday suit. She's my mom and I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her worried. I am just trying to take care of myself first so that in the future she wouldn't be dissappointed in me, but obviously I can't tell her anything about what I've been doing because that would completely destroy her trust for me and I will end up imprisoned in my own house without friends or my bf or any social encounters. I'm so sorry for such a long question I'm just all over the place.
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HeartAngel
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Also, I don't want to have my mom there when the obgyn asks questions like "are you sexually active?" because I fe like having oral sex and getting fingered is being sexually active right? Is it? An if it is, I would want to give the doctor true information about me so that she can diagnose the problem I had with bleeding in between my periods and obviously I can't give her te right answers if my mom is there. And I also want to talk about my interests with the pill to my doctor without my mom in the room. And thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate all the effort from the staff!

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Robin Lee
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Hi HeartAngel and welcome to Scarleteen,

You absolutely have the right to ask that you have some private time to talk to the doctor, whether that's for the whole visit or just a few minutes at the beginning or end. You also have the right to request that what you've discussed with your doctor not be discussed with your mom too.

yes, it's important to tell your doctor that you've been sexually active and in what ways so they have the fullest information about you.


You know, there's a lot of misinformation out there on the Internet about a lot of things, but especially about health and sexuality. Here's our article on pregnancy risks.


Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

I'm wondering what's keeping you from sharing your worries about sexual activity with your mom? It sounds like you two are pretty close in a lot of other ways, so i'm just wondering what you think would happen if you talked to her about this?

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Robin

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HeartAngel
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Thanks Robin Lee for answering my question. And well I come from a very traditional strict family. It's very complicated. My parents expect me to be the perfect daughter who never ever does anything bad. And these expectations make me even more anxious and more scared of the thought of being pregnant and I really don't want to be so that is why I'm choosing not to have sex just yet, not until I know I am ready for what ever may happen. And I have read your articles so many times, you have no idea before I even posted this. I even read the "where do i come from" and the one you put above and even some questions from the message board but is it ok i you read my specific situation because I feel that if someone answers my question, I would feel more relief and less worried.

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Robin Lee
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Well, why don't we start by having you tell me what you think based on the articles you read? I hear you voice how disruptive a pregnancy would be for you right now. AT the same time, the ways someone can or can't get pregnant don't change based on whether pregnancy would negatively or positively impact their lives. [Smile] IN other words, the facts are the facts.

So, what do you think based on having read the facts?

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Robin

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HeartAngel
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Well from what I read the chances are impossible and sometimes I just ask myself if what I'm worried about is true then maybe a TON of teenagers today would be pregnant virgins, but I guess I'm just being a paranoid lerson right now. I mean it definetely would crush my family if I was pregnant. But I've learned that semen and sperm are different right. So let me try to answer my question and I hope I get this right. So in order to get pregnant a guy has to ejaculate near the vulva or in the vagina. If the guy penetrates the girl but does not ejaculate there is still a risk of pregnancy because of precome. So in my case my bf did not ejaculate near and in my vagina that means there is no semen. And he didn't penetrate me that means no precome. When he fingered me, what if there was precome and he did finger me then what? Isn't it the same as putting a penis in a vagina? But then again, he said he didn't feel that his fingers contained any precome or semen. So guess not?

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

Sperm is in semen. maybe you meant that pre-ejaculate and semen are different things?

pre-ejaculate doesn't contain sperm itself. Sometimes it can pick up sperm that are left over in the urethra, but for that to pose a pregnancy risk there has to be, as you said, direct contact.
manual sex (sex with hands) just doesn't pose a risk of pregnancy.

however, if doing that sexual activity makes you anxious, then I'd suggest sticking to sexual activities that you're comfortable with. Being anxious is no fun, and sexual activities are supposed to be fun. [Smile]

What do you think about talking to your boyfriend about not doing manual sex until you're feeling more comfortable and less anxious?

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Robin

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HeartAngel
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I really didn't have to talk to him about that because he got really annoyed with me worrying so he said that he didn't want to do this anymore because everytime we do stuff, I would always get worried and think I'm pregnant. Thank younso much for your help Robin. I'm planning on just calling my obgyn privately to tell them that I don't want my mom around when questions are being asked, but I'm worried that it won't stay confidential.

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Molias
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Calling beforehand sounds like a good idea; there are laws to protect patients' privacy so if you ask for privacy during and around your examination, the doctors absolutely need to respect that.

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend was so annoyed with you for being worried.

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HeartAngel
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It's okay I think anyone would be annoyed. Thank you so muh for your patience and I'm so much more relieved now. Thank you Robin and thank you Molias for answering all my questions. And I just hope the doctor would not tell my mom about what I'm asking because they are kind of friends but I hope she sets her personal relationships aside. Thank you again for answering all my questions!

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HeartAngel
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Update: help! Please! I called the doctor today and the office were closed but I really needed to talk to her now so I dialed her actual number that was provided. She didn't sound so pleased with what I was saying. I had the worst experience in my life! I was not at all treated like an adult an was not treated professionally. I talked to my counselor about the same situation that is worrying me right now. She told me to call the obgyn to just ask a favor. To make it look like I don't really have a choice but to go in the room alone. While I was on the phone with the doctor, she told me that I was still a minor and still under my mom so she didn't have to power to get her out of the room, but still she told me it was my choice if I wante er in there and everything but she just didn't want to do anything about it! Now I'm super scared that when the appointment comes, she will tell my mom that I called, or when she calls me to have me examined she would make it obvious that I called by mayby saying "Didn't you call to say that you didn't want your mom around?" I'm soo scared! I don't know what to do! I'm so scared that my mom would know and she would think wrong and I'm more nervous to go get my check up! The doctor was really mean to me and I got so intimidated by her. I have no idea, I might sound really childish right now but it's just because right now I have absolutely NO idea what to do and what to expect.

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Patricia H
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Hi HeartAngel,

Calling the doctor's "actual number" when the office is closed is called "calling after hours," and usually, when the doctor's "actual number" is provided, there is small print saying that it is to be used in cases of dire emergencies. Not just anxieties, or even to ask a favor, but stuff like unusual hemorrhaging from birth control medications, or literal life-or-death scenarios that basically cannot wait until the next workday when the office is open. Thus, I can see why the doctor sounded annoyed with you.

That being said, her response to your request for privacy was rather unprofessional and unacceptable. Despite being a minor, you are still a patient, and every patient has a set of rights when it comes to medical practices like this...including the right to switch doctors if you aren't happy with the one you are currently seeing for any reason. I would check with your insurance to be sure of the details.

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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Patricia H
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Hi HeartAngel,

Calling the doctor's "actual number" when the office is closed is called "calling after hours," and usually, when the doctor's "actual number" is provided, there is small print saying that it is to be used in cases of dire emergencies. Not just anxieties, or even to ask a favor, but stuff like unusual hemorrhaging from birth control medications, or literal life-or-death scenarios that basically cannot wait until the next workday when the office is open. Thus, I can see why the doctor sounded annoyed with you.

That being said, her response to your request for privacy was rather unprofessional and unacceptable. Despite being a minor, you are still a patient, and every patient has a set of rights when it comes to medical practices like this...including the right to switch doctors if you aren't happy with the one you are currently seeing for any reason. I would check with your insurance to be sure of the details.

--------------------
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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Patricia H
Volunteer-in-training
Member # 103815

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Hi HeartAngel,

Calling the doctor's "actual number" when the office is closed is called "calling after hours," and usually, when the doctor's "actual number" is provided, there is small print saying that it is to be used in cases of dire emergencies. Not just anxieties, or even to ask a favor, but stuff like unusual hemorrhaging from birth control medications, or literal life-or-death scenarios that basically cannot wait until the next workday when the office is open. Thus, I can see why the doctor sounded annoyed with you.

That being said, her response to your request for privacy was rather unprofessional and unacceptable. Despite being a minor, you are still a patient, and every patient has a set of rights when it comes to medical practices like this...including the right to switch doctors if you aren't happy with the one you are currently seeing for any reason. I would check with your insurance to be sure of the details.

--------------------
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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HeartAngel
Neophyte
Member # 108086

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Do you think she will tell my mom that I made the phone call?

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Live, laugh, love

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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We're not mind readers, so we really couldn't say whether she'll tell your mom or not.

when is your actual appointment?

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Robin

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HeartAngel
Neophyte
Member # 108086

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Tommorow

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Live, laugh, love

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