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Author Topic: pregnancy scareness
afrojunk
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Member # 104756

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hello,
I have a girlfriend and we have been sexual active for 1,5 month. Well, i kinda have a problem. She uses pill and takes it every day in the morning with maybe 2 or 3 hour difference.
We didn't have any intercourse and i try to be very careful when we have outercourse. Only problem, afterwards i am starting to doubt about the situation. little voices like 'did i accidentally touch myself and then her'. I talked about it with her and she is full of confidence that nothing is wrong.

I also talked about it with 2 friends and everybody thinks that i have nothing to worry about. I have read your articles about it. At the moment it is very hot in holland and she cant stand many sun. She has headaches and the only thing i think about is worrying about she is pregnant.

If she takes her pill everyday, school days , at 7 and in vacation between 8-11 is this a perfect use?

I like sex very much but it sucks that i get scared. I mean, we are doing everything safe and there is no genital-to-gental contact but i get scared thinking she could get pregnant of precum. Am i just a chicken?

I really look forward receiving a reaction

Posts: 55 | From: Holland | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hi afrojunk,

I would say that would count as 'perfect use' in my book, I think a 3 hour window is a regular enough pattern.

I will say here that I don't think you're 'chicken' (that sounds like a slightly mean way to describe being scared, which is nothing to be mean about). It just sounds like you're experiencing some anxiety around sexual activity and pregnancy.

Just because it's illogical doesn't mean that it's easy to make it go away... I even think that as a starting point it can be very useful to try and be accepting of ourselves and how, maybe temporarily, it might not be something we can change.

It sounds like you've asked a number of people for help in this which is great. I'm wondering if we accepted that you're anxious if there are more practical forms of help you can ask them for. Or even ask yourself for.

Recently I've found there are forms of anxiety that I'm working on but in the short term I can't stop. Going for a walk, taking a few minutes to myself and even some calming exercises have totally helped in the process of making it easier to tackle the long term issues.

Are there any things which you think could make you feel better? Or that your friends/girlfriend could do to help? Or are there any other sources of anxiety which you think you could need help with?

[ 08-04-2013, 06:20 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 686 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
afrojunk
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thank you for your reaction. Well, my girlfriend is really helpful. We talked it out and she 'knows' that she isnt pregnant because she uses the pill and have never forgotten it. I believe her, but i think 'what if'.

My main problem is internet i think. When i google about precum or about headaches as an early symptom, there are many sites which say the wrong things. I really wanna know if a a bit of precum (when using the pill) could make a pregnancy happen. The many, mostly wrong, info is killing me.

One of my friends was straight forward and helped a lot. He said that i just have to let it go and that nothing could have happened. He told me that he has girlfriend and they have sex without condom and with pill. He has cum inside 2 times accidentally and that nothing happened. If that couldn't make a pregnancy than precum isn't anything to worry about. is this true or logical?

when i think clearly, I feel like a chicken, because many couples try to get pregnant and it doesnt work out always and here im sitting and getting freaked out about a little precum. Taking a break and listen to music, helps quite a lot for me.

[ 08-04-2013, 07:14 AM: Message edited by: afrojunk ]

Posts: 55 | From: Holland | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey Afrojunk,

I don't think you need to feel bad about this, it's ok to feel worries that we struggle to control. I'm someone who suffers from anxiety and I don't think I'm a chicken.

I'll be clear: what you described to us can't cause pregnancy... but that doesn't make the worrying go away for you.

So my advice to you isn't to 'stop worrying', because right now, maybe that's not realistic, and it could make you feel even worse. What you can do, however, is take it a little bit slower and focus on the things that help.

I think therapy is one thing which can be quite useful, and it'd offer the expertise which we aren't really focused on at this website.

It sounds like when you're anxious at the moment, you're going onto google and finding misinformation which confirms your fears. Perhaps we can't fix the worry, but you can work on your reaction to it. Making it easier for you to just not do that seems to me like it'd also be a really good idea.

It could look something like this (I have a similar sign stuck on my wall):
quote:
Instead of googling my anxieties I can:
  • Taking a break and listen to music
  • something else
  • something else

What do you think about finding therapy? And do you think you'd have more things to add to that list?

[ 08-04-2013, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 686 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
afrojunk
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yeahh, thanks for all of this. Well, that note is a a good idea. I think that that could workd me. Finding therapy isnt something i am going to do because that looks like its a little too much. Besides that, im 18 and I live at home. My parents are a little difficult on sexual things.

Its not that i lose my or something. I need to cut out that little voice, but with that note im going to continue

Thanks for the help. My calmness has returned

Posts: 55 | From: Holland | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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I understand, but it is something to think about in the future if you don't find that smaller tactics work of you.

Good luck with it all, I'm glad I could help.

Posts: 686 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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