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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Friendship Boundaries? Does one time make a difference?

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Author Topic: Friendship Boundaries? Does one time make a difference?
MelMelancholia
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Member # 108090

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I had a girlfriend who, long story short, sort of broke my heart and fell out of love with me. However, we remain good friends. She's even my best friend.
My concern is that I, occasionally, am still sexually and romantically attracted to her. I tried to say that there was nothing in it, but she seems to be as well. There are times she looks at me like I'm the essence of beauty. Not to mention, we've had a couple of "slip-ups" (what I mean is that we've stimulated each other once and even fingered another time.) She was scared we couldn't be friends after that, but I convinced her it was natural for the transition to be more rocky. As soon as she was convinced I was fine emotionally, she felt better.
Yet, now, whenever I'm staying over, we inevitably snuggle. Do you suppose this isn't healthy for a friendship? I worked under the assumption that there aren't clear rules on this sort of thing, but I'm also curious to hear someone else's opinion.

Posts: 2 | From: Indiana | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Really, this is about how and if this is working for the two of you.

Not all sexual relationships, or relationships where people are sexual together, are romantic relationships. Sometimes friendship is the larger context of a sexual relationship.

Often, it's ideal after a romantic breakup to take a little time and space apart before changing the nature of the relationship to a friendship, only, or creating a friendship. But that's not a hard and fast rule, just something that often helps people kind of push their own reset buttons in this regard, heal, and figure out, on their own, what they want moving forward.

So, is this feeling healthy for you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MelMelancholia
Neophyte
Member # 108090

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I feel very happy with it, save those moments where I start to wish for a little more, or when I start to sense she might want more. But that's been happening less and less anyhow.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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And she's feeling good about it, too?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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