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Author Topic: Chance of pregnancy: precum + fingering?
Jennii
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Member # 107973

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Worst case scenario: this guy fingered me and he had precum on his fingers. I have read every article on scarleteen.com about this and all the site volunteers have said that there is no real risk. The only reason I am still concerned it because I have been having abnormal periods since this happened. My menstrual cycle is always around 30 days long. This happened on May 5th and I got my period 2 days later on May 7th. It was normal and lasted for the average amount of time for me (6 days). My next period started on June 3rd which is a lot sooner than I would have expected, since I would have thought it should have come 30 days later. My next period came on June 28 which is completely and abnormally soon for me. Both of those periods lasted for about 6 days and were a normal flow. Other things to note is that I am an 18 year old female and this was my first sexual experience at all. And since my "periods" came early, I am worried that it may be decidual bleeding? When exactly should I be concerned that I may be pregnant from this (symptoms, abnormal period, etc)? Thanks so much for any help you could offer!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Since you already know the facts, but it sounds like you're concerned about pregnancy, have you taken the next step and taken a pregnancy test?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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How and for how long have you been charting your period? How long is your menstrual cycle usually?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi Jennii,

It's not unusual for there to be some variation in cycle length; what you've described here isn't so off from your normal cycle to raise my eyebrows at all. The fact that your period hasn't come when you've expected it doesn't change your risk level retroactively - all the information we have here about the pregnancy risk of manual sex remains the same.

Since you're still worried about pregnancy, maybe taking a pregnancy test would help you ease your worries around this?

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Jennii
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Hello everyone, thank you for the fast replies.

Heather and Molias: I have not taken a pregnancy test yet and I am still scared to buy one. I just wanted to know if there was any real risk or reason to think I was pregnant?
September, I have been charting my period for about a year now and my menstrual cycle has been anywhere from 29-32 days. This was the first time it was shorter.

To all: is it possible that this could be decicual bleeding? Is there really no reason that I should think I am pregnant.?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Given you've already read our material on this, you've got to know what we're going to say, which is that no, what you are posting about is not something that presents real risks of pregnancy. Infections? Yep. Pregnancy? Nope.

It's only possible this is decidual bleeding if you're pregnant. So, again, if the facts alone aren't enough for you to accept you aren't, stepping it up and getting, then taking, a test is the next step to take care of yourself in this regard.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jennii
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Okay. I think I just needed a professional to tell me that I am not pregnant before I accepted it myself. Its weird because I only get this pregnancy scare feeling a few days before I get my period, and then I'll be fine for a few weeks and then I'll get paranoid again.
It is taking me a while to get over this, I don't know why.
I guess a pregnancy test is the next step. I just have a feeling that I'll be questioning the results of the test after I get it!!

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Jennii
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So I got a negative pregnancy test but I am still worried that somehow I could be pregnant. I keep thinking that every symptom I get (fatigue, weight gain, early periods) are all signs that I am pregnant. Its like I know I definitely am not but I can't get over this scare.
Do you have any suggestions for getting over this? I've never been so anxious about something before.... I am always thinking about it.

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Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi Jennii,

It sounds like this article would be helpful to read, regarding what you're interpreting as "symptoms" of pregnancy: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

You've read the information on our site and heard us say that you didn't have a pregnancy risk, and you've taken a test that's turned out to be negative. You have all of the information to show you that you aren't pregnant. Do you have a sense of why you're still worrying, here?

One thing we do often see is that when people are worrying about pregnancy when there isn't a risk, and in the face of clear evidence that they are not pregnant, often that's related to a sense of things moving too quickly in a relationship, or sexual activity happening that they aren't really comfortable with. Does that ring true for you at all?

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Jennii
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I've seen that article before, it actually it pretty helpful. Its weird because I would read through all the articles on here and understand that I am not pregnant but I'd be thinking about it for a few days and convince myself that there is a possibility that I am pregnant.
I think you are probably right about not being comfortable with sexual activity atm. I had a weird relationship with this guy. I was moving far away from him so I felt like I kind of had to do this stuff so that he would be happy or something. I felt pretty awkward during the whole thing but I just knew that I did NOT want to have sex -- I even told him that. I thought I would be fine doing other stuff.
I guess that you are implying that the best option is to stay away from sexual activities that I am not comfortable with? Until I find the right guy or something?
Thanks so much for your reply xx

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Molias
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I'd would definitely advise everyone everywhere, no matter who they're in a relationship with or how nice they might be, to avoid sex they aren't comfortable with or don't want to have. And I think any time that this does happen, it's going to be more likely to have a lot of anxiety afterwards, whether that's about pregnancy or something else.

I'm really concerned that you're saying you told this guy you didn't want to have sex - how did he respond to that? And I just want to check in that you meant you didn't want to have intercourse but consented to the kinds of sex you did have; was that the case or was all of this contact happening without your consent?

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Jennii
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Sorry I didn't mean to cause concern - I consented to everything else. He was completely fine when I said I didn't want to have sex. The only reason I didn't want to have sex was because of the risk of pregnancy.
I don't understand why I am not comfortable with this kind of contact anyways. I know this sounds dumb but I feel like most girls my age are comfortable with it. Its weird but I never want to do this stuff because there is no way to completely prevent pregnancy except not having sex. I've always thought I had an irrational fear of pregnancy but I don't know if I am just overreacting

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Molias
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No problem, I just wanted to check in on that.

You know, I think it may help you to expand your definition of sex a bit; we certainly classify a lot of things that don't carry pregnancy risks as "sex." There's more info on that here: What's Sex?
There's a really wide range of ways you can be sexual with someone else in a way that you can enjoy and that don't carry a risk of pregnancy. So when you do find a potential partner in the future, maybe it'll be a good idea to talk a bit more about what your shared expectations are around sexual activity and find thing you can have fun with that won't cause so much worry.

Some level of concern about pregnancy is fairly common; some people are able to manage that fear better than others, or have little to no worry once they find birth control methods that are right for them, but I think most people who can get pregnant do, at some point or another, worry about if it'll happen when they don't want it to. I'm guessing that if you were to talk to people your age about this, you'd probably find a range of opinions about pregnancy worries; some might worry less but some will probably say a lot of what you've been saying.

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