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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Showers. Questions. Concerns. Anxiety!

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Author Topic: Showers. Questions. Concerns. Anxiety!
Entrzynne
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I'm a new user here at Scarlet Teen. I hope in the future, I will be a helping hand to other teens in need on this website. I know what it is like to go through scares, and feelings of anxiety. Which brings me here. Knowing myself, this article will probably be a bit of a read! So please, bare with me.

Yesterday, I was over at my boyfriends house. We had some time alone, and decided we wanted to get a little bit intimate. (I'll try not to overwhelm with the details. But I think that's important.) We were kissing, and enjoying each others company. (Some dry-humping, touching, and feeling - all while both being clothed.) this led to a very incredible BJ. And some napping on his bed afterward. My concern, comes when... I decided we should take a shower. It was our first time getting naked together. And after almost 2 years. We felt pretty comfortable with our bodies. I'm concerned that, while we were in the shower... There was a possibility to get pregnant. (I know what most of you, are thinking. Sex-Ed lady! Read some books! But I need this for my anxiety.) We were standing in the shower. Kissing. His arms around me. There was no sex. No fingering. Nothing of the sorts. His lower region did touch my thigh, and if I remember correctly, my back side when I had turned around. It was not wedged inbetween my legs. Even just thinking of the possibility that... There could have been some risk scares me. I'm not on any form of BC. But I have a sample pack in my bag. (Going to start.) If you could give me any sort of insight... That would be great. I'm going to read more of your articles. But I really just wanted an answer specific to my situation.

Thanks.

Edit. Also, I was feeling his lower region with my hands. I was manually stimulating him with my hand. (We were both pretty exhausted, so nothing ensued. But, I did wash my body with soap and water right after. Pre-cum, is a tough subject I know. But again, I don't remember getting low enough on my body to feel a risk? It was more of, soaping up my chest and hips/bum.

[ 07-08-2013, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Entrzynne ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Welcome to the boards, Entrzynne [Smile]

With something like this, the best places here you can probably start with are:

• Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

• Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

With that second one, you might be saying: "But wait: there's no listing for hanging out naked in the shower with some general body touching?"

And that's true: because that's not something that poses any of these risks.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Entrzynne
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Member # 107910

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Thank-you, for such a timely reply. It's great to know that, there are people who are willing to help! Especially with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I will definitely read those articles. In the meantime. Just hanging in the shower. His genitals touching my body - but not my vagina... Sort of everywhere but! Haha! Is not a risk. Even if I soaped myself up, after manually stimulating him. It's the pre-cum issue that always sets me off. It's what you can't see, that is a trigger for me.

Thanks again.

Edit. Also. It might be helpful to know that I had just finished my period as well. The day after, I still was experiencing dry, spotting from my menstruation period'!

[ 07-08-2013, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: Entrzynne ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you been able to talk to the therapist or doctor who treats you for anxiety and OCD about how to manage a sexual life with those conditions?

If not, I'd strongly advise it. As you know, those present some unique challenges to feeling good about a sex life, but like other things which can trigger anxiety and/or OCD, with help from your therapist, you can usually learn to either manage those triggers well, reduce them, or make sexual choices of various kinds that simply are a best fit with your OCD and anxiety. [Smile]

Understand, too, that pre-ejaculate will usually NOT have sperm cells in it, and when it does, they're like the kids who get picked last for kickball (when it's not about popularity). In other words, they are the sperm cells least likely to be viable and capable of creating a pregnancy.

Estimates for perfect use of the withdrawal method -- AKA, pulling out -- with intercourse, in one year are around 96%. That includes accounting for pre-ejaculate.

What does that mean? That means, with intercourse, very direct contact, no more than 4% (4 out of every 100) people having intercourse where they are exposed to pre-ejaculate will become pregnant that way.

But in one year of unprotected intercourse where partners are fully ejaculating? 80 - 90% of people become pregnant.

Looking at that, can you get this a little more in perspective, and see that while you might have irrational fears about this, or triggers around it, that factually and rationally, this isn't a real issue?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Entrzynne
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That makes a lot of sense. In my mind, it really sort of connects with me. Those couples were actually taking part in intercourse, with direct contact. While my boyfriend and I, were in the shower. No intercourse. With too many variables to consider. And a hostile environment. I think my anxiety really took it out of proportion. I know about the birds and the bees. But for some reason, my brain thought I would get pregnant, if his genitals touched anywhere near my lower region. I might see my therapist/doctor again to talk about these triggers. My boyfriend and I have amazing times getting intimate. It's just my brain afterwards that gets me into trouble. That doubt. Is there anything you would recommend? I'm going to be trying another BC pill. (I did one before, but had bad leg pains.)
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Really, I'd recommend talking to your therapist for the anxiety and OCD, since it really sounds like this may mostly be about those issues, and just figuring out how to manage sex with them, and if, right now, you're in the place with managing your anxiety and OCD in general that it's sound to be engaging in any kind of sex right now that is triggering you. They are likely also the best person to know if a method of contraception is going to help you or not, especially if you're not actually engaging in any of the kinds of sex you logically know presents risks of pregnancy.

In my perfect world, doctors treating these issues would realize that OF COURSE sex and sexuality can be massive triggers, especially for young people (where it's all so new AND there is so much fear thrown at all of you about sex and pregnancy and disease), and initiate conversations with their patients about sex. At least every few days we hear from someone with an anxiety disorder in an irrational/triggered panic, so I figure if we know it happens so often, someone working in anxiety as a healthcare provider sure should connect those dots.

But alas, we don't live in my perfect world, so the next best thing is for patients to bring it up instead.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Entrzynne
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I definitely will. I think it's all of the unknowns that really trigger those with anxiety. We are brought up, especially now... With so much information about sex, sexuality and pregnancy, it's hard to decipher what is legitimate and what is myth, or false. I have figured out the rest of my life, in terms of anxiety and OCD. My boyfriend and family are on board. And I have changed my career, school and etc. to fit my needs and help with triggers. Everyone needs a support team. And thankfully I've got mine. And you as well. I've actually been on this website before, but never made an account. I would really love to help others, in their pursuit of clarity and happiness. It's really relieving to know that... I'm not at risk. That My choice I made last night, won't lead to something in that regard. I think searching for another BC pill, will help in someway. I'm not in a rush? We've discussed as a couple what we want. And have come to the conclusion, that... It's when I'm ready and comfortable. In the meantime. Feeling, touching, and the love for dry-humping is great. And safer. I don't need to worry this month. That shower escapade was not a risk.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I agree with you: the massive amounts of information, but in so many places, from lord knows who so much of the time, much of it misinformation, seems like it'd be really daunting.

If it helps, the antidote to that, I usually say, is to pick just a couple sources you know you can trust and seriously stick to those. And don't make any of those choices places where none or most of the content is user-driven without being at all moderated or fact-checked.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Entrzynne
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Thanks for your help, and time. I can breathe easier now, knowing that I'm not a risk. And next month, I can experience the joy of our monthly period. Haha! Yes. I will definitely keep my information strictly from trusted sites and advisors. I look forward to helping others with their problems too. Are we free to post in other forums? I would love to help.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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By all means, most of the boards here are peer community: all the open sections you can post in, save the top two are open for users to post to each other, and we love it when y'all do! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Entrzynne
Neophyte
Member # 107910

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Great! Thanks for creating such an amazing community.
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