It has now been over 4 months since my now ex-girlfriend and I had sex. We've had virtually no contact since the breakup, also about 4 months ago. I am still worried she might be pregnant. The last two times we had sex, she was on the birth control pill and I was using a condom. However, several additional details worry me:
1) The condom was really slippery since I produce a lot of pre-ejaculate. It stayed on the whole time and didn't break, but I'm worried some semen could have slid under the slippery base of the condom. I did hold it while withdrawing, but it's always so "messy."
2) When we broke up, she said she would finish the remaining week or so of active pills. However, I'm not sure that she did.
3) Her "withdrawal bleed" came 1 week early, while she should have still been taking the active pills. I'm wondering if she stopped taking the pills when we broke up (2 days after we had sex). I'm also concerned that this could be implantation bleeding instead of a period, even though I know it's the exception rather than the rule.
4) We agreed at the time of the breakup that if she became pregnant she would get an abortion. However, she now lives with her extremely religious mother, who I'm worried would manipulate her into continuing the pregnancy if she happened to be pregnant.
I suppose I could contact her to ask if she's had regular periods, but that might be a bit awkward. At this rate, I feel like I'm going to have to wait another 5 months to make sure no baby has been born.
Based on what I've described, can I assume she is not pregnant? Also, I recognize this may be a disproportionate amount of worry and I am in therapy and taking medication for anxiety. But this is one worry that keeps hanging on, mainly because I strongly believe it would be wrong to bring a child into this world, especially into a chaotic family environment, which it would undoubtedly in this case. I am planning to avoid both sexual and romantic relationships for a while.
Posts: 44 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2009
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Regardless of whether or not she finished her pills (and I'm not sure why you would think she didn't), she would still have quite a lot of protection from them, and you also used a condom. Since it did not slip off or break, you can be assured that it worked the way it was supposed to. Condoms are highly effective at preventing pregnancy, and are designed to keep semen in even if they slip around a bit. So, the chances of pregnancy are very low.
All that said, I just don't think it's helpful or productive for you to think about what would happen if she were pregnant: your time is probably better spent working on letting go of this particular worry. You're in therapy, which is excellent, and your therapist is probably the best person to help you with your anxiety around this.
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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