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Author Topic: (Safe)Sex Questions
Member # 107850

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Hi All

First, I'd like to say thanks for having such an informative and positive site. I've found it very helpful.

My partner and I have recently started discussing the inclusion of sexual intercourse in our relationship. So far, the mainstay of our sexual relationship has been masturbation/manual sex and oral sex. In both instances we always use condoms. In discussing including something new, I've found myself asking a few questions. They're probably silly but I'd appreciate some advice on them.

1. Do I need to put on a new condom if we are engaging in oral/manual sex, then change to having intercourse? I was worried prior manual/oral contact might reduce the integrity of the condom.

2. Does it matter if my partners hands have previously touched my penis/the head of my penis (like when masturbating together) without a condom, and then if she's puts the condom on for me?

Although we always use condoms when masturbating, there's often a small window before we put one on where my partner touches/masturbates me without one, then usually helps me put one on. I read/heard somewhere you shouldn't touch an exposed penis (especially the head) with the same hands your using to put the condom on. This prior contact may constitute incorrect use, and increase the risk of pregnancy (through what I can only assume is getting pre-cum on the outside of the condom?).

3. We're planning on using multiple contraceptive methods, as we are both concerned about the risk of pregnancy (and I am personally quite anxious about this). My partner has been on the pill for nearly 18 months for medical reasons, and generally takes the pill on time, and no more than a few hours late if anything extra-ordinary happens. We will also avoid any sexual contact if she's missed a pill or is significantly late. I always have, and will continue to always use condoms. I was wondering if adding withdrawal as a third method would be beneficial to reduce the risk even further?

According to the 'Buddy system' article on here, Pills+ Condoms is 98% effective typically, and 99% effective perfectly. I realise the odds are very, very, very small, either way I was just thinking whether a third level of redundancy would be helpful? I am aware that if you don't hold the base of a condom while withdrawing you can actually make things worse, and then there is also the issue of my ability to accurately predict and withdraw successfully (we're both virgins). I don't want to complicate things to such a degree that is detrimental to our safety. But I suppose a third level measure would ease my irrational worries of pregnancy.

Sorry for such a long post, but I did want to get that off my chest. Thanks in advance to any responders. Cheers.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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Hi Drau, welcome to Scarleteen.

Just to be safe, I think it's best to use a new condom for different types of sex. If you put one on and there's a little oral or manual contact before you're having intercourse, fine, but any time there's been enough contact that you're looking at possible snags on teeth/fingernails, I think it's a good idea to just go with a new one.

Since manual sex isn't a way that pregnancy happens, if your partner's hand touches your pre-ejaculate and some of it gets on the outside of a condom that's not going to increase pregnancy risk at all. There's a low STI transmission risk here, though, so if you're not up on your testing you may want to keep that in mind. Your girlfriend could just wash her hands before putting the condom on.

If you haven't looked over this post about basic condom use, that may be helpful as well: Condom Basics: A User's Manual That might help you feel even more confident using them. Also note that the typical-to-perfect use numbers on that Buddy System article include, at their lowest number, "typical use" for both methods. If you're using condoms properly and your girlfriend is taking her pills on time, you're much, much more likely to be at or just under that perfect-use number. You could add withdrawal to that, sure, but I think your thoughts about timing and complicating condom use are pretty accurate here - it may give you more peace of mind to just use two methods really well.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 107850

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Molias - Thanks for your reply and comment. I appreciate it.

So just to be absolutely clear, I don't have to worry about any previous contact my partner has with my penis before putting they put on the condom? I only mentioned pre-ejaculate because It's the only logical thing I could think of in considering the idea. Have I missed anything else here?

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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