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Author Topic: bisexual maybe lesbian... confused and alone
Critaria14
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So here's my dilemma: I've identified as bisexual for 5 years, I'm out to everyone important in my life as bisexual, my boyfriend is completely accepting of me... but I am starting to feel far more interested in women than men. I think it's gotten to the point where I need to break up with him. There are a few other factors in the possible breakup, too. I feel good when we're doing stuff like making out, but oftentimes I regret it later. I don't know why I regret it. Is it because he's a guy? I've never been with a girl, so I have nothing to compare to. Or is it because I'm just not interested in him? All I know is that I am constantly thinking about what this all means. I couldn't figure out why this fluctuation in my sexuality was bothering me so much. After all, sexuality is fluid. It dawned on me one night: this is the first time I've ever had to struggle with my sexuality alone. Prior to now, I relied heavily upon my high school counselor, as well as my gay friend for any LGBT matters. Except now I'm graduated and feel like I shouldn't lean so much upon my counselor, while my friend and I parted ways. So here I am, 18, on the verge of a breakup, getting all confused about my orientation for the first time in 5 years, and I'm alone. I don't even understand what's happening. I'm super confused and anxious. Help?
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Molias
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Hi Critaria,

Like you say, for some people their sexuality can be pretty fluid. It could be that you are indeed just not feeling the same attraction for men right now that you have in the past, but it could just be that this particular relationship isn't working out for you anymore. And that's ok - I think sometimes there's this idea that there has to be a huge reason to end a relationship but sometimes, over time people change and their feelings for a partner do as well.

If you're not feeling great after making out with your boyfriend sometimes, maybe it's a good idea to put that on hold while you're sorting things out? Maybe it would be helpful for you to spend some time thinking and journalling about what feels good and doesn't in your relationship right now, and what you'd ideally like to have in a relationship with someone; sometimes writing things out helps me to get a better picture of where things are and aren't aligning with what I need.

If you're still in contact with your counselor, I think it's still ok to talk with them about this if you feel comfortable with it. Do you have other friends you can confide in about this? Also, if you're going to college, many universities have fantastic LGBTQ offices/organizations and you might be able to find great friends and support there. I know there's still summer to get through, but it might be worth it to look into that now. My friend who works at a university LGBTQ center told me that they try to have a lot of welcoming events for new and returning students at the beginning of each fall semester.

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Critaria14
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Thanks for the quick reply!

The journaling idea is great. I don't know why I never thought to do it before. I write about everything.

I could definitely get in contact with my counselor about this. It's just that I feel bad doing that to her over the summer. We're actually kind of friends now that I'm done with high school. Sometimes the areas between former counselor and supportive friend are tricky to navigate. As for friends, I don't have any other LGBT friendly friends. I don't have a lot of friends period, and the ones I do aren't against it, just aren't comfortable talking about it. My parents are the same way.

At college, I know there's a GSA type thing and the campus is friendly, but,yeah, got to get through summer. But it's something to look forward to.

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Molias
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If you're feeling like you're in more of a friends place with your counselor, maybe you can be really up front about it and ask if there's a way for you to talk about problems and issues in your life that don't make her feel like she's at work? I think it's really great that you're trying to be respectful of her boundaries, and I bet if you ask she'll be happy to let you know just what hers are.
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Critaria14
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That sounds like a good plan. Thank you.
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