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Voice
Neophyte
Member # 107702

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My ex-boyfriend was 27,and i was 19.We've been together for 3 years.And I broke up with my him last year,but we were not cut off until lately.I found it really hard to get him out of my mind ,even i knew he wasn't treating me nice (and he had cheated his ex-ex-girlfriend which made me wondering if he cheated on me as well) .And what matters most is that after we had sex at the very beginning of our relationship(which i was not ready for it),i was doubting my understanding towards virginity.I believe that virginity doesn't necessarily mean with intact hymen.If a girl is having only one long-term sex partner and usually love each other,that is also virginity.But my view is obviously unacceptable among most people around me and this has brought me much pressure(i'm from China and it's not really possible to tell my parents about what i am going through).And I am also actually concerning whether i should tell my next boyfriend about my experience or not.Hope i have made myself understood and looking forward to your answer
Posts: 2 | From: China | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Since the definition of virginity is shaped by different cultural backgrounds and expectations, there actually really ISN'T just one definition that rings true for everyone. So, if your definintion feels true for you, it's perfectly alright for you to feel it that way and define virginity that way.

And you are right: it makes little sense to tie virfinity to how intact someone's hymen is. After all, for most women, the hymen wears away long before they become sexually active at all.

In terms of what to tell a future boyfriend: it is usually a good idea to be honest, for a bunch of reasons. Not only does it make for a better basis of trust and open communication, but in this case, honesty (from both sides!) can also help you take better care of your reproductive health.

Here are some more thoughts on virginity:
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Voice
Neophyte
Member # 107702

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Thanks a lot ,Joey.And i also would love to know that whether the man who you gave your virginity to will affect a lot on your future relationship.If it's true ,how can i reduce the effect as much as possible? or is there any really effective way to help me out of my past. [Smile]
Posts: 2 | From: China | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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I'm not really sure what you mean when you ask if the man that you had sexual intercourse with for the first time will affect future relationships. Certainly, you will have memories of him, but that doesn't mean that the fact you were in a relationship with him will affect any other relationship you have.

I'm not sure that I'm really answering your question though. If I haven't answered your question, can you tell me more about what you're wanting to know?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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