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marissax
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Member # 96045

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me and my boyfriend have been going out for 1 year and 3 weeks. i am 17 and he is 18. my boyfriend wanted space from me a week ago but we started talking again. we hung out a lot and things started getting back to normal. last night, he came over and started crying. he was saying how he wants to move on and do his own thing. i never knew this would happen because we literally had a perfect relationship together. my family loves him and his family loves me. this just came out of nowhere and i don't know what to do. i know i can't force him to stay with me. i am just so heartbroken because this is my first real relationship. he was my first kiss and i lost my virginity to him so he is special. on christmas he gave me a promise ring which meant a lot to me. he will always be in my heart no matter what. we have so many great memories together, and that's all i have been thinking about and it makes me hurt more. i thought i was going to marry him and be with him forever. i really thought he was the one. how can i get over this? i really need advice.
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Haleigh H
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Marissax,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. Breakups are so hard. I really feel for you. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix I can give. Something I think will really help you to cope is having a support system. Do you have people that you turn to when you're going through a rough patch - good friends, family, people you trust, people who's opinions your really value? Having people to turn to for support can feel wonderful. Can you think of some people who can support you through this?

Here are a few helpful pages.

Going Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking
Breakup Blues Buster

Articles tagged with Breakup

Let me know what you think?

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Haleigh

Posts: 176 | From: Kansas City, Missouri | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marissax
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Member # 96045

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yeah i have a good support system and i will talk to them about it to help me. the thing that really breaks my heart though is he is my best friend. we are really close. i don't want to lose him as a friend. i still want him to be there for me.
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Patricia H
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Hey marissax,

Have you talked to him since he last came to you about wanting to move on, specifically, what you want and how you're feeling about all this? It doesn't sound like he wants to necessarily cut you out of his life per say, but rather that he wants to explore other things in his life in such a way where his relationship dynamic with you is undergoing some major changes.

Has he specifically said that he wanted to end his relationship with you? You say he is your best friend; is there a possibility that you two could still be friends even though he no longer wants to be your sexual partner?

--------------------
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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marissax
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Member # 96045

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yes, i have talked to him and told him my feelings about all this and he said exactly what you said that he just wants to explore other things in life and accomplish stuff. he said he doesn't want to have any regrets later in life on what he missed out on. i just wish he could stay in this relationship because it's happy and healthy. he said he wants to take time apart for awhile and go our separate ways but, it seems like he is breaking up with me. we can be best friends like we were before we got together but, i don't think it will be the same. i think it will just make things awkward and i will hurt more because i will still be in love with him.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi marissax,

You know, you get to not want to be best friends with him anymore if you think that would hurt too much. In other words, you get a say in how this plays out too. Clearly you want the relationship to continue, and since that's not something he wants that's just not possible.

However, if you feel like it would hurt too much to be as close as you were as friends without having the intimacy of the relationship, you get to tell him that.

What do you think would be helpful to you here? Would it be helpful, for example, to have a break from seeing him so you can figure out how you're feeling and what is going to work for you for your friendship?

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Robin

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marissax
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Member # 96045

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could it be he just needs more space from me to figure things out? he told me he is not sure what we are, he wants to just do his own thing for now. he is being really confusing.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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It's really not possible for anyone to say what he wants, needs, or is thinking. He's the only one who can tell you that.

It's important, though, to take him at face value when he says what he wants and what he needs right now. So, if he says he needs more space, the caring, respectful thing to do is to give that to him. If you're not sure what he needs, you can ask.

You can also, as I mentioned above, tell him what you need; if you need, for example, time to get used to not being in a romantic relationship with him, you're allowed to ask for that.

--------------------
Robin

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marissax
Neophyte
Member # 96045

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okay thank you so much for helping!
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