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Author Topic: Hi can someone please help me! i am going crazy!
Showmelove
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Okay i am 20 years old, In high school we didnt have a sex ed class. and plus i have never had a boyfriend before. This one is my first I have not had sex nor i will till i am ready, Let me tell you what happen!

Okay so December 16 was the last day of my period.
I was suppose to get it January 7th according to my period tracker on my phone but it didnt come. I dont really have a 28 day cycle anyways. So i waited till today january 16th to see if it would come and it didnt, My boyfriend and I have not had sex!. But he has touched my vulva with his hands. He never fingered me. As soon as i felt him touch my vulva i took his hand out. i still had my leggings on we were fully clothed. I asked him if he had any semen on his hand before he touched me he says he is 100% sure he was clean or else he wouldnt of. But my period is late! i am stressing, and i was sick for about a week an a half i had the cold/and flu. I have been talking to him and he says that I am worrying to much that he had no semen on his fingers. He says that he is not worried. I believe him but at the same time my period has never been 10days late. But like i said i am stressing and i have been sick. i have a few questions if you can please answer them!.

1. Could he be able to feel semen in his hand even if it was just a little bit? that is if he had some because he says he didnt.

2. could stress and me being ill have anything to do with my period being late?

3. Is there any risk of pregnancy? lets say if he did have semen but he didnt know?

P,S i have talked to my older sister and she said i was fine, that i cant get pregnant like that. My boyfriend also told me that i should take a pregnancy test Just to see that its negative so i could calm down and stop stressign. But I am scared to take one because what if t comes out positive. I am those type of girls that gets really nervous and stresses easy!

[ 01-16-2013, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: Babyjen24 ]

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Showmelove
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[ 01-16-2013, 08:50 PM: Message edited by: Babyjen24 ]

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Robin Lee
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Hi Babyjen24 and welcoem to Scarleteen,

Yes, being sick can have an effect on one's menstrual cycle.

Check out:
M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?


For your questions on pregnancy risk, can you take a look at this first? Then, if you still have questions, come on back. [Smile]


http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027786.html

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Robin

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Showmelove
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i have read the sites you had gave me earlier, but it kinda didnt really ease my worry. I mean i know that you have to have sex to have a higher chance of pregnancy. But i am just worried that maybe my boyfriend didnt know he had semen on his hands maybe just a little bit when he touched me.
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Showmelove
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i have been getting Cramps for the past 3 days. But still i have not got my period.
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Robin Lee
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This article gives a pretty thorough explanation of just what it takes to create a pregnancy.

I think you might find it helpful to read through this if you haven't alreadWhere DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

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Robin

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Robin Lee
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You may also find this helpful.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/how_do_you_avoid_getting_pregnant_after_giving_a_handjob_or_oral_sex


One of the key things here is that pregnancy really can't happen if there is no direct contact between bare genitals.

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Robin

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Showmelove
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Okay so in other words this article is telling me that i cant get pregnant from the scenario that i described? i saw it said i cant get pregnant from manual sex correct? but what are the chances lets say if he had semen, or dry sperm in his hands? thats what i am more worried about
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Showmelove
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am i right? can someone answer my question please!
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Robin Lee
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Based on the Where Did I Come from article, what did you learn about what is needed for pregnancy to occur?

I know you're feeling really panicked about this, but we need to ask you to please be patient. This isn't a 24-hour service, and there may not always be someone aroudn to answer your questions immediately.

Know though that we will get back to you. [Smile]

Pregnancy cannot occur through manual sex, no matter what the scenario is. Since you said above that you didn't really have much sex ed in high school, though, I'm hoping that you find the articles helpful in understanding why and how this is so, rather than just taking our word for it. [Smile]

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Robin

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Showmelove
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I understand that i am sorry. I've just been really stressed and scared about this whole situation. I just want to make sure that i am fine and tat i dont have to worry anymore, that i am most likely not pregnant.

well i learned that In order to have a high chance of pregnancy there has to be direct genital to genital contact. so penis inside a vagina. or even touching.
Also if he ejaculated directly into or around your vulva,(which directly means his actual penis correct?) so you would both have to be naked.

So according to the article you cant get pregnant through manual sex no matter what the scenario is?
so should i stop worrying so much.?

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Robin Lee
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If you can stop worrying, that would be a good thing for you. [Smile]

You now have two sources (our site and your sister) saying this sexual activity is nothing to worry about.

Does it make sense to you why a little bit of leftover semen on a hand isn't a pregnancy risk?

You mentioned above that you haven't had a lot of sex education? We have a lot of articles on our site on several different topics. I'd also be hapyp to suggest some books if you think that would be helpful.

Would you also like to talk about what sexual activity you would be comfortable engaging in with your boyfriend? It sounds like this activity has gotten you very worried, and that's not really any fun. [Smile] Does your boyfriend know how worried you've been?

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Robin

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Showmelove
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yeah i know. I did stop worrying though i got my period January 17th. Its flowing like a period and it acts like a period so i am pretty sure its not implantation bleeding because as i was inform you cant get pregnant from manual sex. and Implantation bleeding does not happen very often as what i have been told.

And yes my boyfriend knew i was worrying that much. He was totally supportive and assured me i was fine.
and i think i am not going to do any type of sex with my boyfriend i dont really want to worry about this again, and my boyfriend seems pretty supportive and accepts my decision. Thank you so much for your help! I appreciate it.

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Onionpie
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Hi Showmelove, I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend's being so supportive of you. It also sounds like you're making a decision around your sex life that you're more comfortable with, which is really awesome [Smile] Happy we were able to help!
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Showmelove
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Hey guys So I just wanted to give you the latest update. and ask for one more advice. Okay so me and my boyfriend are fine like i had said earlier post i was not going to do anything that is going to worry me to much and i kept that promise.
My question is something a little different today Feb 20 My boyfriend used my shower because his didnt have any hot water. So he took a shower around 6pm and i was at work till 8 when i came back i decided to take a shower, but instead of a shower i took a bath, I was doing fine until i saw the sponge you use to wash your body, I was thinking obiousky my boyfriend used that to take a shower and to wash his Penis most likely is there any chance sperm can be on that and stil alive or even in the bathtub? I was sitting down for like 5 min and then i got up and took a shower instead because it had me thinking. Can you Help me please.

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Robin Lee
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Hi Showmelove,

I answered your question in the other thread. For future reference, please don't post the same question more than once.

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Robin

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Showmelove
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Okay so this post has nothing to do with pregnancy. So my boyfriend of 6 months Is sexually frustrated, we haven't been sexually active, well I have never been sexually active he has had a girlfriend before that he was sexually active with. Ive tried explaning that I am not ready to have sex. and he understands but he says he tells me that he gets sexually frustrated, well basically he has told me that he has been with 3 girls 2 he was never in a relationship with the other one they were together for 5 months, he has always worn a condom with all those 3 girls the first two girls it only happened once with a condom on, obiously his past girlfriend they were more times, But he has always worn a condom I know condoms are no 100% effective they just greatly reduce the risk of contacting HIV but my question is this,

1.How likely is it that he would test positive if he has always used the condoms correct.? they have never slipped or broke. as far as what he tells me, and I believe him.

Ps. I have asked him to get tested because he has never got tested and he agreed he has his appointment this Wednesday and honestly I am so scared. He tells me he is not worried of scared whats so ever. and I am glad that he feels like that but I am kinda loosing it I am trying to be positive but its killing me andai don want to tell him because I don't want him to start worrying or thinking negative

can I get your advice on what to do? and can you please answer my question please and thank you so much<3

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Showmelove
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let me be more clear the two girls that he was with he was only with them once and that once he wore a condom,
He says he has ALWAYS worn one and effectively.

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Robin Lee
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I'm a little unclear here on what you're asking. It's impossible for us to predict whether or not your boyfriend has a sexually transmitted infection. Only tests can show that.

Also, there are other STIs besides HIV. He is getting tested for those too, right? He needs to specifically talk to his healthcare provider about which tests he's getting.

additionally, are you also going for STI testing?

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Robin

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Showmelove
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I'm just asking the chances that his test will come back positive for anything when he used a condom every single time. Because as far as I know condoms are verry effective but it's still not 100% if you don't put them on correctly and the slip or break but as what he has told me then condom has always been worn right.

And I didn't think I had to get tested because like I said before I've never been sexually active. He is my first boyfriend and well I'm 21. Should I get tested even though I've never been sexually activated?

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Showmelove
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Sexually active**
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Showmelove
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And yes he is getting tested for everything.
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Heather
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We can't possibly know how his tests will come back.

Condoms are not 100% effective at preventing STIs: they're something that radically reduces the risks, but they do not take them away completely.

Per your own testing, what's generally suggested is that if and when someone has started engaging in sex with genital contact, then they'll want to start their testing. What to get tested for is a conversation to have with your healthcare provider, as is how often you should be tested.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Showmelove
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Oh okay it's just really hard for me because he seems not to be worried at all which I like that but I'm the one that's worried for him. I don't want to tell him though
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Heather
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Well, ideally, in a healthy relationship, we can talk to your partners about our feelings and concerns.

So, I'd suggest you take some time to think about why you don't want to share yours with him. It might give you important information about this relationship and your own choices, moving forward, that's very useful.

Ultimately, all anyone can do with testing is wait it out. Of course, in the future, you have the choice to only be with people sexually who already get regularly tested: that way, you can generally avoid this kind of stressful waiting game.

But for now, all you can do is wait, and do whatever things you do to take care of yourself when you're worried or stressed.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Robin Lee
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What don't you want to tell him? If you don't want to tell him you're worried, what are you afraid will happen if you do?

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Robin

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Showmelove
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Well he is not worried. And I don't want to worry him, by me saying I'm worried. I just want him to keep his positive attitude about this.
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Robin Lee
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Okay. So, what else can you do to take care of yourself, since talking to him doesn't feel like an option right now?

For what it's worth, I'm seconding what Heather said about a healthy relationship including being able to talk to a partner about how we feel and what we're thinking about.

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Robin

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Showmelove
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I can talk to him about anything, that's not the issue if I told him it wouldn't really change how I feel. He is being positive about everything he says he is fine and that he is not worried or scared and that's the way I want him to stay the reason I don't want to tell him is because I don't want him to start worrying or start getting scared. That's the only reason we can tell each other anything it's just I feel that even if I told him it wouldn't change how I feel.
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Heather
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Okay, so again, now all that's left to do is to wait things out and do what you can to take care of yourself.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Showmelove
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I have a question do you happen to know how much planned parenthood charge for std and Sti testing his appointment is tomorrow.
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Robin Lee
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Well, you telling him wouldn't necessarily make him feel worried or scared because it might not change how *he* feels, just as you're not sure if telling him would change how *you* feel. Does that make sense?

But what's really going on here is that you're worried. What sorts of things help you when you're feeling worried and anxious? Are any of those things you can do right now to see if they'll help you

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Robin

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Heather
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Any given clinic, or branch of a clinic system, like Planned Parenthood, is going to have their own fees and scale for payments. The only way to find out what those are are to call where you want to go and ask them.

And if your partner is taking care of his testing, unless he has asked you for help paying for his testing, this really sounds like something for him to do and take care of, not you. By all means, if you want to know what it cost him, you can ask him that after he goes.

For now, though, I think we've exhausted this and, once more, all that's left to do is for you to take care of yourself around your worries here in whatever ways you feel will work for you best. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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