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Author Topic: Is there any pregnancy risk at all here??
Jerry Man
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Hello, I was with my girlfriend a week ago and this has just been an awfully stressful week. I need your help in determining whether our situation poses a risk or not. Here's the story:

By the way, I have read the pregnancy scared articles and a few other articles relating to it. I just need to hear something from someone.

I've are both 18 years of age.

We were together last Monday and we had absolutely 0 intentions of having sex. She wants to wait until she's married and I respect that. We wound up on my bed with our shirts off and all we did was kiss and touch our upper bodies. She had on her yoga pants and thong underneath. I had my boxers and jeans on. Never did we take off our pants. I know I was erect and for me, pre ejaculatory fluid (precum) always comes out when I get erect and aroused to some point. So there I was with precum leaking out and making the inside of my boxers wet. Because I was lying on my stomach at points, and I guess also due to the erection, the precum passed onto my jeans and made a wet spot.

When we were done on the bed (no sex, no dry sex or humping or anything of the sorts.. just kissing and feeling our upper bodies) we went out to the living room where I lied on the couch and she laid on top of me facing me. We continued to kiss and I eventually got up and walked to the window to look outside. At that time I had felt my pants and I indeed felt a wet spot. It was moist but it's not like it left my hand seeping wet. Again, it had to be precum because it's something that really easily happens to me. From that moment forth she was the one on the back on the couch and never did I lie on her fully. I knew I already had my pants a little wet from the precum so to avoid any problems (and a little embarrassment) I purposely kept my lower half of my body off the couch as best as I could and even when I was closer to her I would keep my crotch away from her and her legs. Again.. No dry sex or humping or rubbing against genitals through clothing. I've read enough articles to say that sperm cannot pass through multiple layers of clothing and pose a risk.

All we did was kiss and touch our upset bodies and I had gotten up a few more times to look out the window and at one point I adjusted myself (by touching the shaft of my penis and moving it to the other side because my jeans were beginning to bother me) and again I had slightly touched the wet precum moistened area to check how bad it was. Again, I felt it moist on my fingers, I didn't see anything that would've indicated my hand was dripping in the fluids. I did at one point go underneath her yoga pants and grab her butt cheeks a few times. But that was about as close as I ever got to her actual vagina. NEVER was there direct genital to genital contact, never was there direct ejaculation on her genitals. Those two being the highest risk factors are out of the picture in my mine. I NEVER fingered her with my fingers, never did I touch or play around with her vagina. The furthest was just grabbing her butt with both my hands under her yoga pants. And as far as I can remember, never was I up against her vagina while clothed.

With no sex, penetration, genital contact or fluid constant, I just can't help but feel like nothing could've happened. I've seen posts where a guy touches his precum or semen and it dries and then fingers a girl and this posses little to hardly a risk at all. I feel like my situation is even less than that. Even if it was semen, it wasnt dripping from my fingers and I never inserted my risky fingers into her. I grabbed her but with what I imagine to be dry precum at that point. I had touched my jeans, felt some wet moisture, rubbed my hands over her body and then grab her butt. I don't suppose dry precum managed to cause any sort of problems by contact with her butt. Even if it was semen, which I'm pretty certain it wasn't (I checked my boxers afterwards when she left and if it had been semen with sperm I could've seen the dried sperm in my boxers or smell it since it has that distinct smell. But when I checked myself my boxers dried nicely and so did my jeans and I didn't see any dry sperm residue).

I'm sorry guys for such the long story but my reason for concern stems from her period. We had planned to get together Monday and she informed me that her period would be coming soon. Probably that week because she says she usually gets it around the beginning of the month. However, afterwards she begins to stress and worry about if whether it not something happened to her. I tried to reassure her that she would be fine (because thankfully I had found this site and seriously have done nothing but read articles and forums to help me and my situation) and from what happened I feel like nothing could've happened to her. Pregnancy wise, I personally believe there isn't a risk, I would love to hear what you guys think.

Some background info may help because her period is really getting me uneasy at times. She has yet to have it, a week later. I can't help but feel that it's late for different factors. Let me tell you them. Last month she got very very sick, to the point where she missed half a week of school and still felt rotten during the weekend. She got her period around the 8, and got very sick from the 16 and onward. I can't help but feel that her sickness (which was classified as a virus by the doctors, it would last around a week). While she was sick (to the point she felt weak and couldn't get out of bed or eat nonetheless) she ate very little and took medication. I have a strong feeling that around this time, while she was very sick, she may have either delayed or missed ovulation. If her ovulation was delayed she would get her period late too. Correct? That's the thought I have at the moment, and the past week she's been stressing for tests and worrying about whether or not she's okay. She has had bloating and nausea and headaches and been feeling tired since out get together Monday. Now, I'm believing pregnancy risks are very low to virtually nil in this case, but she's been having these "symptoms" since but I feel like she's just too worried and she's doing this to herself. And if anything, her period was delayed due to her illness last month delaying ovulation?? I really don't know at this point but what puts me at ease is that there was no sex in this case. I guess I'm just really confused as to why she has these symptoms. I read about pms and I can't help but feel she's either pmsing right now and her period is soon coming or maybe she'll just skip this months period if her ovulation was missed? She tells me that she's been bloated the past week and that her pee is clear and that no signs of her period coming are showing (besides the ones I described which I feel indicate pms) and she feels her period isn't going to be coming when she feels her stomachs hurt and nauseous.

Guys I really don't know, I'm SO sorry for all the information! I felt like the more I told you, the more accurately you guys could help I guess I just got way too carried away with details and words. Was there at all a pregnancy risk here? Could her ovulation have been delayed or just skipped because of how sick she was? She hardly ate that week and she doesn't really eat well since, never eating breakfast and small lunches. I can't help but feel that nothing could've occurred by this. I've read things on other forums about dry sex and fingering and small genital rubbing. There was none of this here. Could she be stressing herself out? Could her period be late because of her sick time last month? Is it possible to just be late on a period like that and not be pregnant? Can she miss her period all together?

Guys I just need to hear from you because I feel like you can really help inform me about this. I've read other forums but I'd love to hear directly from you on this one. I'm so sorry for the length and wordiness but thank you so much for taking the time to help me. Much appreciation to any helpful advice you have.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Yipes, this is a lot to front-load this with, so let's check in first: have you already gone through this?

Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

And this?

M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

If not, why don't you start there, so we don't have to reinvent the wheel. If, after going through those, you still have concerns, perhaps you can narrow them down so we can address them more simply? Thanks. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jerry Man
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I know I'm so sorry heather but I've had this in constantly in my head the past week and I just needed to let it out. Thank you for the links, I read them and I'm even more informed now but I still do have questions. I understand that my situation was relatively low risk to none at all.

I guess I'll start here, is it possible for an 18 year old to maybe have a delayed ovulation due to being very ill during or around the time of ovulation. Or maybe it's just been skipped all together. Can illness do that to a girl? Why would she be feeling the bloating or headaches or nausea?

Maybe she's pmsing and her period is on the way?

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Heather
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It's okay.

It's possible for people of every age not to ovulate every cycle or ovulate at the same time in every cycle. But typically that won't result in someone feeling bad, or feeling anything at all.

Can I ask why you're even asking about if she may or may not have ovulated?

Is her period late at this point? Understanding that it doesn't seem like pregnancy is something that has been a risk, here, why are one or both of you concerned about pregnancy or ovulation?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jerry Man
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I'm sorry, yes apparently her period is becoming a tad bit late. And seeing as there was little to no pregnancy risk, I'm simply wondering about why. She's worried about being pregnant but after reading the risk factors and that pregnancy involves (in mostly all cases) direct genital to genital or direct contact with ejaculation on the vulva or in the vagina. And since the most I felt was some precum through my pants and then grabbed her butt, I see little to no risk here.

I'm just questioning about the ovulation as perhaps due to her illness she may have had her ovulation delayed or missed. I'm trying to come up with answers for her late period at this point. Pregnancy doesn't seem to be the issue, right? Based on what I described to you. Maybe she's pmsing? Maybe she's stressing herself out so much she feels this way? But she does say she's bloated. Could it just be a delayed period? Due to a delayed cycle? Pregnancy doesn't seem to be the issue, im just wondering.

Her period was on about the 8th a month ago. Perhaps her illness delayed her cycle to the point she's late because of that? Is that a possibility?

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Molias
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Hi Jerry,

There's no way for us to know exactly what's happening here; like it says in that MIA article about late periods, menstrual cycles can be irregular and periods can be delayed for a lot of reasons, and sometimes ovulation just happens late because it's late, and not for an easily-pinpointed reason (although stress and illness can impact that, for sure). But you both know that pregnancy isn't the issue here, so I don't see a reason for concern. The only thing that both of you can do right now is take a deep breath and wait for her period to come.

It's really not unusual for people to have irregular cycles from time to time, or for the first few years that they menstruate. It sounds like you're concerned for your girlfriend's health here, and that's great of you, but honestly I think you should step back from this a bit. Is she as worried as you are, right now, or is she taking this late period in stride?

It sounds like you've done plenty of reading to understand why what you describe isn't a pregnancy risk, so at this point it's up to you to take that information to heart, and calm down about it a little. Have you and your girlfriend talked together about the level of sexual contact you're comfortable with, and how to handle situations that might pose a pregnancy risk, if you do choose to engage in those things? It's not quite clear from what you describe above, but I wonder if this wasn't something that happened without a lot of communication beforehand.
Sometimes, really persistent pregnancy fears that remain in the face of evidence about the lack of an actual risk of pregnancy can come down to stress about moving too fast sexually, or being sexual with someone without talking about it enough before it happened. So it may be helpful to have a talk about all of this with your girlfriend and see if that doesn't calm things down a bit.

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Jerry Man
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Molias, thanks you for your input on this situation. I am indeed concerned for her and as far as I can tell there was absolutely little to no risk. I mean.. Can precum (maybe semen) pass through 2 layers, pass on hands (to the point where I felt it was moist but my fingers werent dripping wet. Whatever I felt must've dried instantly) and then grabbing her butt? That poses no risk if I'm correct, right?

Now if I had literally a copious amount of fresh semen, then grab her butt and then it drip down to her vagina. That's a risk. But my situation? Not likely wouldn't you say?

I guess the thing is that she's more concerned than I am, and I simply trying to find her answers to calm her down. We had talked about things before hand, we had no intent to go far into a sexual encounter. It was really just about kissing, nothing else. My only concern was that whole precum issue through my pants but I've done reading all week on this site about precum and semen and whatnot and I don't see risks.

Yet here she is, stressing and worrying and signs of bloating and headaches and nausea and tiredness. So if pregnancy isn't the case I'm trying to find out why. As you said, irregular periods happen, I'm wondering if it was her sickness that delayed her cycle and then her stress is just making things worse. Stress can delay a period right? Anyway, I feel like her period is coming soon, her stress isn't helping her case.

Just out of sheer wonder, but if the cycle is irregular, is it possible at all to just miss a period one month and everything go back to normal the next month and not be pregnant at all? I was just wondering now that it got me thinking.

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Heather
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Jerry: yep, that's totally possible, and usually happens at least a couple times, if not more, in the life of someone who menstruates.

Do you think it might help if *she* were able to talk to someone like us directly?

(And no: like you read about in that link I gave you, what you're describing cannot create a pregnancy.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Molias
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It's great that you're concerned for your girlfriend and trying to help her out, but I think trying to figure out the exact cause of her irregular menstrual cycle is probably not going to be as helpful as you might like. In all likelihood, it's not a mystery you can solve - some people just have irregular cycles, and there isn't necessarily an easily-findable reason behind it. And generally the reason will be pretty benign as well.

Also, you may want to show her this article: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

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Heather
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I confess, I just had a moment where in my head, I heard -- in an announcer-y voice -- "Jerry Man: Menstrual Detective."

Hopefully it gives you a moment of lightness, I don't mean to poke fun, but Molias is right here. You're not likely to be able to figure this out. Even a healthcare provider won't be able to do that with a single missed or late period.

Your best bet is letting go of the attempts at detecting and having both of you focusing more on the facts that a) you didn't take pregnancy risks, b) her fears and feelings likely have more to do with not feeling okay about what went on, or needing to resolve any conflicted feelings, and c) just accepting that periods are something we largely don't have control over and need to accept they're weird sometimes.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jerry Man
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Haha heather I want to thank you for that, it's nice to have a laugh after this discussion I had with you guys. I'm awfully thankful for your input. I guess I just thought too far into it.

As far as I can see, and you guys as well, no pregnancy risk right? And yes a pregnancy test would provide answers but I wanted to hear what you guys thought about the scenario. I guess as far as I know I was just trying to find answers for her because pregnancy just didn't seem possible.

Heather thank you so much for your insight and Molias I thank you for your help and the article. It really means a lot that you were able to provide me with quick responses. I'm very thankful

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Heather
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I'd say in a situation like this, testing for pregnancy would be like someone in this day and age testing for polio. There'd really be no practical reason to do it save that if someone thought it'd help let go of an irrational fear? Then by all means, go for it.

(And glad to give you a giggle. It gave me one too.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jerry Man
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That was a nice comparison you had there, I do see what you mean.

I guess really what had initially frightened me was the capabilities of sperm. But after learning they don't remain intact much without semen, and passing through clothes soaks them up and weakens them, and passing from hands isn't really likely unless it's literally dripping wet, there's no risk. Not to mention, no direct genital contact or ejaculation contact.. There little here to present a risk am I correct? I guess all
I needed was a little assurance for myself to quell whatever doubt I had left.

Thank you Heather and Molias, your help was exactly what I needed.

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Karybu
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There really is no risk here, and you can be certain your girlfriend's late period is due to something other than pregnancy.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
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Like we've said, none. So, at this point, that's just something you'll both need to accept.

Sperm seriously aren't superheroes, though it';s clear a lot of people grow up understanding -- or really, misunderstanding -- reproduction in such a way that they think so. Really, of all the players in human reproduction, sperm are, in so many ways, the LEAST resilient and mighty, the most delicate and fragile.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jerry Man
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You really don't know how thankful I am for your help. Thank you Karybu and Heather for your responses. I really do think that it's just a misunderstanding about reproduction that some of us grow up with and instills some fear. But thanks to your help, and not to mention this site, you've helped me gain some very insightful knowledge on things I either didn't know or misunderstood.

You guys are great! Thank you! [Smile]

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Karybu
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You're welcome. [Smile]

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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