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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » safety help for BDSM

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Author Topic: safety help for BDSM
Member # 58116

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Since I can't seem to find a good website for BDSM safety tips, is it ok if I ask on here?

My partner and I love for her to hold my wrists down during sex - the harder, the more fun for us! But now I have bruising and soreness where she was holding me. It doesn't seem like there is a way to avoid this? I don't like to be cuffed or tied with rope, prefer her bare hands on me, and me "struggling" to get free. Is it ok to just take tylenol the day after we play like this? Or will there be permanent injuries?

Posts: 77 | From: U.S. | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi audreytoo,

This is more of a physical health question, and a little outside our scope as we're not orthopedists. [Smile]

In general, though, if one does something frequently that results in bruising and soreness the likelihood of permanent damage is increased. If one does those things every once in a while, the risk of permanent damage is reduced, but not necessarily eliminated. One thing to also consider is that joints are the most susceptible to injury, so if she's putting pressure directly on your wrist joints, that could, yes, lead to injury.

I agree it's tough to find good, reliable, respectful Web sites providing BDsM education, but there are some excellent books out there. Have you read any of them? If not, would you like some recommendations?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Really, in general, if you're getting bruised or it hurts when someone does it, you want to either avoid it or figure out a way to minimize those things.

For example, it might be that your partner can hold you less intensely, but that you two role-play the "struggle" a bit more than it being a real thing, if you follow me.

Or, it might be that you two can try her holding you in a less delicate area of your arms, like holding your forearms or upper arms, where you don't have a whole bunch of smaller bones and more delicate tendons.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Member # 58116

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It's frustrating because I enjoy the fact that it hurts when we do it, just not the day afterwards!

Yes, I am open to book recommendations. (Although what I've browsed before tends to have advice about tying or restraining people with various instruments like rope, cuffs, tape, etc, which isn't what I'm interested in.)

Posts: 77 | From: U.S. | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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