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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » I don't feel good about my vulva

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Author Topic: I don't feel good about my vulva
evesforeva
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I am grossed out by vulvas. I don't want to touch them, look at them, or think about them. Since the only people I've been attracted to had the good sense not to have vulvas, one would think this is not a problem. However, I made the mistake of being born female, and my disgust with my own vulva messes up my sex life. I can't even enjoy masturbation because as soon as I start thinking about my vulva, I stop being turned on. This is not a gender identity question. I just would like some advice on how to feel more comfortable with my sexuality. I looked around your site, and you seem to know a lot about various topics on sexuality. I'm hoping you can help me with this problem.

[ 03-01-2011, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Posts: 20 | From: Stanford, CA | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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evesforeva: I edited your topic because the title you had was likely to result in a bunch of people coming on the site, seeing it, and feelings as crappy about their bodies as you do. We like to try and keep this as safe and affirming a space as possible, okay? I'm sure you didn't intend that effect, and are likely so lost in your own way of thinking about it that that didn't even occur to you, but I just wanted to let you know why I made that edit.

Can I ask if you have always felt this way about vulvas? When you were a kid and starting to grow up: how were genitals addressed or approached in your household and your life? Do you have any sense of where this feeling of disgust is coming from?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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evesforeva
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Before I felt disgust for vulvas, I didn't think of them at all. Genitals were never addressed in my household. My mom treated menstration as a shameful thing to hide. I've never heard either of my parents use any words for genitals. The most I've heard from my parents about sexuality was when my mom would freak out that I'll get pregnant from hanging out with male friends. I never touched my genitals directly until my senior year of high school when I read a book that complained about how sad it was some girls were too afraid to touch their genitals. I like to think of myself as the rebellious type who won't follow my parents' ridiculous fear of sexuality, but I guess I still have lots of hang-ups.
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Stephanie_1
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Have you considered talking with someone about these feelings? A lot of times it can become easier to work through those things that have been ingrained into us throughout our lives by seeking some support in-person.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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evesforeva
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Who would I talk to? A friend? A lover? My parents?
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Stephanie_1
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You could talk to a parent, though considering that's where the views that aren't really pro0sexuality are stemming from it likely wouldn't be very helpful. A friend would be good though if you have close friends you can talk openly with.But more than anything, you may consider some type of counseling,it can be really helpful in finding ways to work our of the thought processes we tend to keep from what we've heard for so long.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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evesforeva
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Member # 57605

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Kinda feeling bad for leaving you hanging there, so status update: vulvas have yet to turn me on (that's probably a straight girl thing) but I'm getting over some of my sexual hangups bit-by-bit. I'm still not comfortable looking at one, but I've gotten over the revulsion and it doesn't keep me from enjoying sex. Thanks so much for your help!
Posts: 20 | From: Stanford, CA | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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