Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Fingering (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Fingering
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 4 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi so I've been looking everywhere for this answer and I'm really worried. Could I be pregnant from my boyfriend fingering me? I don't know if he had any ejaculate on him or not he said he didn't touch himself but I am still nervous. What can I do to ease my nerves? and also is it possible to get pregnant from this situation?
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi pink35 and welcome to Scarleteen,

No, it is not possible to get pregnant from fingering. For pregnancy to be a possibility, there has to be direct contact between bare genitals (a penis and any part of the vulva) or contact between any part of the vulva and freshly ejaculated semen (so, someone would have to ejaculate directly onto a bare vulva).

To learn more about pregnancy risks and pregnancy not-risks, you can take a look at these two articles:

Pregnancy Scared?

Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
why is that? and how much ejaculate or preejaculate would need to be on his hand to make me pregnant
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Have you read through the information provided in the links I included in my first reply?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
From this information I have found out that it is not possible even if there was ejaculate on his hand, while in another article it said it was possible and I am just confused on what to believe now which is also why I asked how much ejaculate would need to be present on his finger to get me pregnant?
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Was this another article on our site? If so, could you please put the link to it here so we can see what you're referring to and see if we have something on our site that needs to be corrected or elaborated on?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It was on your site I just do not know the name of it. I do know that in the article it said things that can't get you pregnant and then it said manual sex but in parentheses it said something like unless semen is on the hand
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Why don't you try and find us those sections that have you confused, so we can sort it out for you?

However, it also sounds like, from the information you provided initially, that conversations about whether or not there was ejaculate or pre-ejaculate on his hand are kind of academic, since you say he did not touch himself at all.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I do not know. I do know that someone from your website had directed me to it.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, the information in the links above is correct. Should you happen to find the article you were linked to before, please post the link here.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey there, pink. Several of us already sorted this out with you on chat, including talking in-depth about what does and doesn't pose risks.

So, we need to set a boundary here and ask that you don't keep rehashing the same conversations and questions over and over again. And we won't keep having them, either. Our answers won't change, and I personally have already talked through all the questions you're asking here again with you. So have other volunteers, so please work with us and close the door on these particular questions here now.

Like we talked about in chat, let's move towards more productive and proactive ways of really working with the feelings you're having, since while a pregnancy from this isn't a reality, your feelings are certainly real feelings.

When you and I talked in chat, we started by coming up with two things you were going to try to get started on feeling better about this: 1) talking with your boyfriend more clearly about this and asking him for some emotional support while you're so scared, and 2) identifying ONE person in your in-person life to start talking to about all these fears and feelings, and the start of your sexual life, and then asking to talk with them.

Have you made any headway with either of those things?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes I have. okay thank you. im sorry about all of this it just really worries me. but I know that it is not possible for a pregnancy to be caused by this. I apologize again.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I understand.

But what I'd ask is that you extend some trust to us here: we've done this work for a very long time now, and by now have a very good sense of what actually helps people work their way out of these panics, and what helps them stay stuck there, like having the same conversation over and over about facts when facts aren't having any impact.

We also need our users here to respect our limits when we set them, because we are people on the other side of the screen here, people often managing a pretty huge workload.

So, how about those two things we talked about yesterday: were you able to get a start with either of them today?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
http://www.scarleteen.com/birth_control_bingo_no_pregnancy_risks

here is the article that had said it is possible. and I did not start them today. I don't even know where to start.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You and I already talked about that line in that article last night. Extensively. That's what I mean when I talk about having exhausted a conversation and about not having the same one again and again.

I know you understood me last night with that, because we checked in afterwards and you made clear you did. So, I'm not going to engage in that same conversation with you again here.

Let's, again, try and work with more productive things.

Last night, you told me you *could* think of one trusted adult you could go to to ask for emotional support and to have some talks about sex and sexuality with. Who was that person, and how do you usually get in touch with them about other things?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I understand. its just that the person above asked to see the article and it says that it is possible with semen on their hand. and that person is my cousin and I usually text or call her.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, but you also initiated a conversation with Robin we already had, extensively, last night. Like I said, we're setting a limit with that and moving on. I trust you'll respect it.

So, how about texting or calling your cousin now, and letting her know what's going on?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
could you please tell me how much semen would need to be present for it to pose as a risk? i do not remember what you had said.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
and I will. it just makes me nervous, im sorry about all of this.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's okay to be nervous, and a lot of people feel nervous talking to anyone, even people they trust and know care about them, about sex.

But it's just one of those leaps we have to take, especially when we know we need help and emotional support.

We talked last night about how you have no one in person, at all, you've been able to talk to about any of this. And that kind of silence and isolation is always going to make something already nervewrcking or scary about a million times scarier.

So, if it helps, think of feeling nervous about starting the conversation as a way to actually decrease your nervousness and fear over time, starting with just that one step of getting talking with someone you know and trust. It's also one of the things that *is* in your control, and something you *can* do for yourself in this.

And if you want how you're feeling to change, you've got to take steps like these to do your part in changing that situation. No one else can do it for you, alas.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know you have answered my question before. I was rereading this conversation and this question has been ignored, I know you answered it in a chat but I can't reread that so could you please just tell me how much ejaculate or preejaculate would need to be on his finger for it to be possible? and I know. I'm sorry about all of this. I won't bother you guys anymore. Thank you for everything. It helped a lot.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Seriously, we went over and over this question last night and I *know* you heard me because I asked you questions as I did that to make sure you understood. And you said that you did. More than once.

So, no, I really need you to respect the limits have been setting with you here and set last night. It's just not okay to walk over someone's limits or try and push around them.

I'm glad to help you, but I really need you -- like any of our users -- to extend me some basic respect and courtesy, and that includes accepting limits I set reasonably, which I feel certain this one is.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
okay. im sorry. i just feel as if hearing that answer would help me. but im sorry.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You already did, however, several times, and it clearly did not. And regardless, I set a limit. So, you don't get to decide my limit doesn't matter because you want something for yourself, know what I mean?

Any of our needs can never trump someone's limits. A person's limits are a no-more: they mean we're at the end of the road. All we can do with limits is accept them and respect them, and if we feel we have a need a given person or place can't fulfill, we always have the option, of course, of seeing if someone else can or will who doesn't have that limit.

For instance, if you really want to have that conversation again, perhaps you might bring it up with your family doctor, or go to a local general or sexual health clinic and have a talk with a provider or educator there. Or, your school nurse or health teacher. Or your cousin. And so on.

In the meantime, since you are coming here asking us for help, how about letting us help in ways we know actually DO help users in your situation? How about trusting our expertise and experience with these situations, and trusting there are sound reasons we won't just rehash these same conversations, including that we are very sure it's not going to serve you well?

for instance, I suggested the boards to you last night not to we could just keep having the same conversation between you and I, but so that you could seek out some peer support. How about trying to talk with some other users who have been in a similar spot?

Like, why don't you have a look at this thread -- http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/10/t/002523.html -- and try participating there?

Or take a look at this: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/28/t/007275.html

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
okay. im sorry. and today i talked to my health teacher at school and she said that it was possible so she scared me even more. im sorry about all of this. i respect your limits and i apologize for this situation. ill look at the other boards now.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, how about we also focus on what you CAN do right now.

In other words, I hear you're getting conflicting information, and that obviously stinks and is going to be confusing.

But what happened with the fingering? That's already done: it's in the past. Even in the event you HAD done something with a viable pregnancy risk, what could you do now?

At this point, all you really CAN do is seek out emotional support while you wait for your next period, right? And re-evalute sexual choices moving forward, including setting limits with your boyfriend very clearly.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes I understand. and when you say had done something with a viable risk this is not something that has any sort of risk correct. I won't bother you with this same question anymore. I apologize.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Once more: we have already had a very long conversation in which I made clear to you numerous times that I did not feel the situation you described to me carried a risk of pregnancy.

PLEASE respect my limits and let that go. Please. I really can't carry on working or talking with someone who will not give me that kind of basic common courtesy, and at a certain point, I simply will not keep engaging with that person.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I understand. I was just using it as a final reassurance. I apologize again.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How about if instead of apologizing, you just respect our limits and stop asking? That includes on the other thread you have now gone into to ask this again.

You know, it's that stuff about how actions speak louder than words. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know. I apologize. It just makes me nervous because I have been hearing conflicting things and I do not know what to believe. I apologize. I will figure it out on my own now. Thank you for your help and time. I apologize.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I talked to my boyfriend completely about this situation and he said I have nothing to worry about because he is positive he did not touch himself and if he did he said he would have wiped his hand off before anything. he said he thinks about it every time something happens. I just wanted to say thank you for your help and I'm really glad to know that you guys are here. you really do help and you do a lot. Thank you so much Heather <3
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You're welcome. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink35
Activist
Member # 107329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi everyone! I was just wondering if I could get some sort of piece at mind here because my period was supposed to come yesterday and it hasn't. I know that I did not have a pregnancy risk or anything but could I get some sort of advice on how to de-stress myself because I have been stressed out a lot lately with school and friends and prom and everything could that also be why my period has not come yet? thank you for everything!
Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
stress can absolutely delay a period.

A period isn't technically late if it doesn't come on the exact day we expect it to come. Our bodies aren't machines, after all, so they won't always do the same thing the same way time after time.

Here's some more information on late and missd periods:

M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

In terms of handling stress, what things do you do that make you feel happy and relaxed? That's usually a good place to start when thinking about how to handle stress.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen