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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Difficult First Time Sex

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Author Topic: Difficult First Time Sex
EkaraHeart
Neophyte
Member # 107357

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Last night I had sex for the first time and had a bit of a difficult time. Me and my boyfriend predicted that it would probably be a "tight squeeze" so he bought lubricated condoms. I heard that it would hurt but it hurt more than i expected it to. We had to go slowly and it took a while before he was all the way in (tried 3 times with breaks in-between) and we could comfortably do our thing. I was just wondering if my level of being "tight" is normal when you have sex for the first time or if this is something I need to see a healthcare professional about.
Posts: 3 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
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Hi EkaraHeart, and welcome to Scarleteen!

One thing to note is that while lubricated condoms can be helpful, using a separate lubricant will probably serve you well in the future. It's hard to have too much lube!

Before you and your boyfriend attempted intercourse, were you feeling relaxed and aroused? Have you had anything else, like a small toy or a gloved/well-fingernail-clipped finger, inside your vagina before? All the lube in the world won't make intercourse enjoyable if you aren't relaxed and enjoying yourself. Any time you're feeling unwanted pain during sexual activity, that's a great time to back way up and either slow down or try something else for a while.

Nothing you've said makes me think you need to see a doctor about this; I think your pain and feelings of tightness just mean the two of you may need to slow things down a lot, buy some lube, and make sure you're exploring other types of sex as well.

I think all of these articles could be helpful for you and your partner to read:
Yield for Pleasure
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EkaraHeart
Neophyte
Member # 107357

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and have done other types of sex (oral, manual, etc). He's fingered me but more than a finger hurts when I'm really wet and turned on. No toys though - I'd be too embarrassed if anyone found it. We did go slow the day it happened, a good 30 minutes at least before it didn't hurt anymore and he was all the way in.
Now that I think of it, extra lube would probably be a good idea next time around.
I'm just more worried that I'll never "stretch" and it will hurt a bit every time we have sex.

Posts: 3 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Well, the vagina is a muscle that expands with arousal and returns to its resting state when the arousal stops. So, you can't really "stretch" your vagina in any permanent way. So, having vaginal entry that feels comfortable and pain-free is always going to involve you feeling super relaxed and aroused, having lots of lube handy, and just taking it slow. Getting there does tend to get easier with time, as we get to know our bodies better and have a better idea of what we like and what works for us, so some patience will also help. But for the most part, this is just about taking it slow and listening to your body.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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EkaraHeart
Neophyte
Member # 107357

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I see. Thank you for your advice!
Posts: 3 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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