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Author Topic: advice for partner who's a virgin?
Wolverine22
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Hi everyone,

Last week, I had sex with a guy who was a virgin. When I first entered his body, it hurt him so bad he was almost in tears, and so we scrapped anal sex and did oral instead, and that was fun, but I digress.

Even though we used plenty of lube, it still hurt him that bad! How can I make it less painful for my partner? I don't want to hurt him, and it was a mutual decision to at least try it.

Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I assume anal sex is something he wanted to do?

Am I also presuming correctly that, from the sounds of things, you didn't first try more gentle, gradual anal play like with one small, gloved finger, and see if that was something that actually felt good for him, before moving on to something much larger like a penis?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Wolverine22
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He was all for anal sex at first, and he started fingering himself, and I fingered him with one finger and he said it was okay, so I went ahead and penetrated him and he started screaming in pain so I stopped immediately. That's why I was confused and I was a bit hesitant to put that part out there because I didn't want to be too graphic/raunchy.
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Okay.

So, first up, this likely has little to nothing with not having engaged in anal sex before with anyone. It's not like having done it before, after all, changes anything about anyone's anus or rectum (it doesn't), or makes someone like anal sex of some kind who might not, or makes first-time partners with a given sexual activity magically know how to work their bodies together. [Smile]

When you were using your finger, was it MORE than okay? Like, did he super-duper like it? If not, then moving forward with your penis usually won't ever be the way to go.

As well, one finger to a penis may seem gradual, but it's really not: that's a pretty big change in width, even if for someone who's got big fingers and a smaller penis. Instead if one finger feels awesome, then we can see if two do. If two feel great, then three. And if three do, THEN you're probably getting to the point where a penis might feel good, too.

Too, this often isn't stuff to do all in one day or at one time, especially when you're with a new partner and that partner also doesn't have a sense from any previous partners of what they generally have and haven't enjoyed. I'd say a better approach is to stick with a finger or two for that day, then if that was awesome for everyone, the next time you're together and getting sexual try that again, and if it feels awesome again, then that third finger, etc.

Catch my drift?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(Btw, it's okay to be candid. It's not raunchy to talk honestly about sex here, I promise.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67055 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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