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Author Topic: Undetected Pregnancy..Common?
sparkledust12
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Hello again,

I wasn't sure whether to start a new thread or not, as this is a different question and topic, but I'm sorry if I should have carried on with my previous one!

Anyway, again, this is for my own knowledge and I guess piece of mind. I was reading through the different articles by Heather, the pregnancy freakout ones and the abortion one. I got to the part about late term abortions and how it was more common that people may think that women who have these did not find out they were pregnant til very late on.

Now I understand that I don't think this is me, but I will admit it is one of my worst fears. I wanted to know how women did not know? Like never testing, did they not gain weight or anything?
I know everybody is different and will react in a different way.
I guess it just unnerves me.

Having said that I have tested ALOT, all negative including a blood test and had all my withdrawal bleeds. (But again they arn't a proper period and I am still taking my pill, so is there a chance I'd get them regardless?)

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Robin Lee
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HI sparkledust12,

IN general, when we're talking about people who did not realize they were pregnant, we're talking about people who didn't take pregnancy tests, weren't aware of what was going on with their withdrawal bleeds or periods, and weren't thinking about the possibility that they could be pregnant. This doesn't describe you at all. [Smile]

Does this clarify things?

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sparkledust12
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oh that's good! [Smile]

i definitely was aware that i could have had a potential risk and have kept tabs on EVERYTHING, plus testing, so i'm guessing i wouldn't fall into that category of women not knowing.

i just panicked abit, that combined with reading the usual horrors online, which im trying not to do now!

So if this was you, you wouldn't be at all worried and would just get on with your life satisfied of no pregnancy?

Thanks [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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You're welcome. To clarify, your question in the first post, it's not that the pregnancies aren't detected but that people aren't aware of them. [Smile]

IN regards to moving on, is that something you feel like you can do now? [Smile] I'm not sure that telling you what I would do would be the most helpful, since this seems to be more about feelings rather than facts and everyone's feelings are different. [Smile] So, are you comfortable with the facts?

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sparkledust12
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Ahh okay [Smile] It's just abit to get your head around - to me it seems like how can you not notice things? But I guess as you said if they didn't consider it a possibility then that explains why people don't test, plus symptoms can be passed off as other things I guess.
But for me I was aware of a potential risk, not really sure if I had one or not, and to be honest these last few months have just been filled with taking tests and trips to doctors/family planning clinics. I really don't see AND HOPE more than anything that if there were something to worry about pregnancy wise, it would have come about by now!

I hope so, I just wanted to know in my case that pregnancy couldn't really be a possibility. In my last thread I was worried about the HCG, but you guys told me that a pregnancy wouldn't proceed to 4/5 months with levels under 5.
I guess I'm comfortable with these facts so long as there is a minimal, preferably zero chance that they could/can be wrong.

But if not, then yes I do feel more comfortable [Smile]
I just want to start living again you know, I feel like I've tortured myself with this for too long now!

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sparkledust12
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I also don't understand withdrawal bleeding when on the pill. I have read the article on periods and cycles and stuff, but as this is artificial I'm confused. How can you be confident that a withdrawal bleed signifies no period when it is not a real one.

For me for example, I missed a pill in the third week of my pack and had sex towards the end of my period on that pill packet (we used a condom but i was unsure if it failed). I continued taking my pills the next month and have done ever since, and as a result have had all my withdrawal bleeds. Now would that be because I continued taking the pills that I am bleeding regularly.

I just don't understand how it tells you you're not pregnant :S

Sorry if that was a load of waffle.

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Heather
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Let me give this another shot for you, then.

So, to sustain a pregnancy, the lining of the uterus has to stick around and keep growing: that's how a fetus is attached to the uterus and how it gets nutrients.

A period or withdrawal bleed is the shedding of that lining. When using the pill, you have that bleed because withdrawing from the hormones signals your body to shed that lining.

But really, a very similar thing happens when NOT on the pill: hormonal changes we have during regular fertility cycles ALSO tell your bodies it's time to shed that lining.

But if we become pregnant, then the message sent to our bodies is NOT to shed that lining, because the fetus needs it.

Does that help clear this up for you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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sparkledust12
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Yes that is a bit clearer thank you, I thought it was just the withdrawal from the hormones in the pill that caused the bleed every month, which obviously would continue to happen every month so long as you are taking the pills, I didn't realise the uterus lining was shed with the pills as well.

So really there's no way to sustain a pregnancy with that happening then I guess?

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Heather
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When you see flow from your vagina, unless you injured your vagina, it's from the uterus. That's why menstrual flow -- including with withdrawal bleeds -- has blood in it. That's the uterine lining, in liquid form, basically.

No, a pregnancy cannot be sustained with menstrual/uterine shedding. Plenty of women will experience some bleeding now and then during a pregnancy, and can still sustain it, but some spotting isn't the same as monthly flow that's about the lining shedding.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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Right okay, so what is decidual bleeding then? Is there anyway that could be mistaken for a monthly withdrawal bleeding?
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Heather
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That's a sort of bleeding that can occur with pregnancy, but it's a) uncommon and b)unlikely to happen more than once after a pregnancy begins.

Ultimately, if you're a person who isn't feeling like your withdrawal bleeds are enough to let you know you aren't pregnant, than your best bet is going to be to be a person who keeps a couple pregnancy tests handy and uses them as needed.

At the same time, if you are using both the pill and condoms, it's earnestly more likely you'll be hit by a car than become pregnant.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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Is there a way this kind of bleeding could cause negative home pregnancy tests? Again there is alot of info on the net of women claiming that they had this bleeding and their tests were negative - just remembered what I'd read whilst in the midst of this scare.

Like I said I've had negative hpts, and one negative blood test.

I only used a condom at the time because I'd missed the end pill and didn't back it up. And I took EC the next day :/

The whole thing is just so confusing and hard to get your head around, it upsets me that your body could trick you like this, it's almost like it's lying to you - for me about something I really don't want to have to deal with [Frown]

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Heather
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Pregnancy tests look for a hormone the body only creates when someone is pregnant. Uterine or vaginal bleeding can't magic that hormone away.

I don't know what you mean about your body tricking you: I suspect the biggest problem here is that you are reading anecdotal things from anonymous people on the internet and treating those pieces like you're reading carefully fact-checked or authoritative information.

Really, I think of doing that as pretty much like reading all the anecdotal accounts online about alien abductions and taking them all seriously. How about when it comes to getting this kind of information, you stick to credible sites like this, other health organizations, and your healthcare provider?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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So it wouldn't affect the results of either a urine or blood test then?

Is decidual bleeding heavier than spotting usually?
My bleeds usually last around 6 days, are pretty heavy for the most complete with clots ect (sorry tmi)

I feel like I get over and on with one piece of information and then something else crops up to make me think what if!

But I've had all 4 withdrawal bleeds at the expected times.
Sometimes I feel really okay with all this and other times, like now, I don't know what to think.

I understand I should stay away from forums and things that state personal experiences.

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Heather
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No. Bleeding doesn't change your hormones.

You know, it sounds at this point like talking more about things like decidual bleeding just isn't sound. because honestly, if you have had four withdrawal bleeds AND many tests and still remain unconvinced you're not pregnant, logic and science aren't likely to make those fears go away. After all, they haven't so far.

How about instead you see about getting a visit with a healthcare provider, who can do a clinic test for you? Having someone in person be able to tell you, face-to-face, you are not pregnant and answer questions you have left about all of this is likely your next best step.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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I know all the evidence is there.

I've already had visits to my healthcare provider, I had a test done there and a blood test, which was obviously negative.

I always feel okay when I come from those clinics.

Then I get hit with a 'what if' that won't go away and I don't know why.

I came here for a second opinion and whether it sounded viable or not for me to be worried about a pregnancy.

So thanks for providing me with the info.

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Robin Lee
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You're welcome for the info. [Smile]

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Robin

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Heather
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You know, most of the time when people kind of wind up in a loop like you have, it's because something else is actually going on.

In other words, they get stuck on a pregnancy-that-isn't, because of things like, for example, a relationship that isn't healthy or where there are conflicts or issues, or sex they're having they don;'t really want to be having or don't feel ready for, or religious guilt, just to name a few common issues we see underneath this stuff.

Do you think there might be something else at the root of this for you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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Thanks I'm sorry for being a pain.

I just got scared, especially with things going on in my body right now. But I thinK alot of that is anxiety related.

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Heather
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It's not about being a pain, it's about working with you in the ways we know to best serve people.

So, if I have you right, you think the underlying issue here is general anxiety? If so, are you currently being seen or treated for that? If not, how about getting into a healthcare provider to have that evaluated?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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I know, but when I read it back to me it looks like I'm being a bother and I don't want to be.
But I really appreciate the time you have all taken with me.

Well I'm not sure, I am going to speak to someone about it. I'm usually very very okay in a crisis. But this scare has somehow taken over my life in the last few months, I haven't been living properly at all because of it. It's really changed things for me and not in a good way. So maybe it has triggered anxiety, I'm not sure.

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Heather
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It sounds like it has. Certainly, I'd say that something like this shaking you up for months after? There's something bigger going on here that you want to try and figure out so you can deal with that, and then be actually able to love past this, and get back to feeling better. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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That actually sounds so good to me [Smile] I cannot wait to feel like me again. It's been a really big thing to deal with, and it's properly knocked me! I mean I'm now in the 5 month since the incident and it's still haunting me, that's obviously not right!
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Heather
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I agree. And for sure, I think this means you have to take some next steps so that you can start feeling like yourself again and get back to living your life.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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[Smile] i sure hope so, im well and truly fed up with it all.

do you know if it is possible for stress/anxiety to take its toll on the body and present what seem to be real physical symptoms that have not been experienced before?

e.g i am having an onset of issues with my belly being noisy, gurgly, bubbling away and the timing seems as though its arisen with the scare. Just wanted to know if it was possible to happen, out of no where because of the added stress currently in my life.

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Heather
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By all means, it's very well documented in medical science that our mental health can and often does have an impact on our physical health and well-being, for good or for ill.

Too, gastrointenstinal issues and upset are very common with anxiety and other kinds of stress, specifically.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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I'm back.

Today has been a rough day and if it is okay with you I think it would help me to write it all down.
I went to the nurse yesterday to talk to her about my worries and the possibility of seeing some sort of therapist.
I have to say my experience with her wasn't all that good, she was very abrupt with me and when going through my notes said well you had a negative blood test 17 weeks after sex why doesn't that solve this for you.
Well surely I wouldn't be here asking for help if it had.
Anyway I was put on the list but likely won't hear from anyone for 2 or more weeks for my first appointment.

So I'm feeling pretty low, I was working today and was hoping that would help with the distraction, and it did until I felt physical symptoms every once in a while. I know I asked above about stress causing stomach issues. Well it has been getting worse, I've been feeling quite violent muscle twitches in different areas of my abdomen. It will only happen once and then go away. But it is happening throughout the day and has been going on for weeks now. Again the doctors took no notice of that.
And it's things like that, that when they happen I think this isn't normal for me and I end up back in the circle of worrying about it and waiting for it to happen again. Which leads me back to the original thought and fear that it is pregnancy related. I tried really hard to be in a good mind set and concentrate on work instead of things like this, and it still happened. So I guess I must still be thinking about it all without really knowing.

The whole thing is very upsetting, right now I feel like breaking down into tears. I brought this on myself and I know that.
I want more than anything in the world to move on and start focusing on the good things I've got coming up in my life. But I can't, every time I try I have a thought, or a nightmare and I'm back to 'you'd be 24 weeks pregnant now'.

It's my friends birthday next week and she wants us all to go clubbing, which usually I would love to do. But oh no, now these thoughts are making me not want to go 'just incase'. I can't keep making up excuses I feel like I'm going crazy.
My mum is fed up of hearing me talk about it because she sees no logic in it either. She doesn't see why I'm testing negative and still am worrying like crazy, so I can't even talk to her anymore. Why can I not just be a person who takes a pregnancy test, sees a negative result, thinks ok that's that and gets on with things?

[Frown]

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Heather
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I'm so sorry to hear all of this, sparkledust.

How about if we perhaps together brainstorm some coping starts for you to try and manage all of this better while you're waiting for that therapy appointment over the next two weeks?

If that sounds good to you, can you maybe give me an idea of what your life will look like in those next two weeks? Like, what's your average day like, how do you spend your time, etc?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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yes please, that sounds good [Smile]

I don't have a lot in my life at the moment, I'm kind of inbetween things as I'm moving away from home and starting UNI in September, so right now I'm working part time, waitressing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturdays. The other days I'm at home, sometimes by myself, sometimes I may meet a friend, occassionally my mum and sister and i will go out. But most of the week consists of work.

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Heather
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When you're at home, what are you doing?

And when you're at work, are these feelings as persistent?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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Usually household jobs/running errands my mum may have left me to help her out. Walk the dog. Nothing exciting really.

No, not persistent. I am okay if I am distracted with talking to someone or getting stuck in at work, cause I don't have time to think about it. But for example today I was standing still taking someones order and I felt my abdomen twitch in a certain area, enough to make me think about it.

And therefore the thoughts go from there when something like that happens.

Like right now, I've just eaten my tea, and my belly is being so noisy, gurlging and just not feeling normal. Right now I'm having fearful thoughts of this being pregnancy related because of this.

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Heather
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Okay. So, I'm just going to throw some rather random ideas out there, and you let me know if any of them feel like this you're willing to try, even if they sound silly, just to see.

What about if right now, for instance, when you're feeling like this, you do something to help what you and I probably know by now are manifestations of anxiety in your body and belly, like:
• Doing a yoga twist or two (I'd be happy to give you some poses if you don't know any) to help your digestive system clear itself and chill, maybe combined with a little mantra to help ease your mind.
• Doing something when you think about this to help distract you AND take care of your body, like taking a short, brisk walk or singing a song.
• Picking something to get in the habit of thinking to put your mind somewhere else entirely when you feel like this, like a self-guided meditation or daydream where, just as a couple examples, you visualize yourself on a warm beach, or at a concert of your favorite band?
• Breathing exercises.
• Using a journal to write out all these feelings as you have them, something just for you, that you do offline, by hand, alone.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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It also sounds like when you're home, some of this may actually be about being bored and understimulated.

It's actually a very human thing to do to manufacture dramas if we don't feel very engaged in our lives or if we feel bored, seriously.

How about we work together to find some things for you to do that you enjoy, that you actually feel excited about and engaged with in your body or mind (or both!) besides walking the dog and running errands for your mother?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sparkledust12
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I do agree with that, as I said nothing in my life is really satisfying at the moment. I'm working part time, the job is okay and I get on with the people I work with, but it really is only a time filler and to earn a bit of cash. It's not a career, and I don't want to be doing it forever.

Equally with being at home, I am quite often home alone, therefore I have alot of time to over-think things, my only distraction is crappy daytime tv and I know that's not exactly healthy for you either.

Alot of my friends are already at uni so I only get to see them in the holidays.
But yes I really need new ways to better occupy my time, I think I'd feel alot happier in myself.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, I'm here right now: can you maybe try one of those right-now things I suggested, like, now, and see how it goes?

I can give you more info on any of them if you need it to give one or two a try.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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