I have never had sex before. I'm looking forward to sex with my boyfriend, but he's a pretty well-endowed guy, and I'm a very small girl.
We've made a couple attempts with little success; he just doesn't really fit. The last time we tried to have sex, we stopped because I started bleeding. I've tried using toys of different sizes while I'm having Me Time, to try and stretch my hymen so that maybe our next attempt will be a bit easier, but that has also resulted in some pain and light bleeding, which is obviously a pretty serious mood-killer.
I've tried stretching with toys and fingers, I use lube both on my own and with him, we always have loads of foreplay and I'm always plenty aroused and relaxed during my attempts at penetration both on my own and with him, and none of it has achieved very much. It's really disheartening!
I don't know what else to do. I just want to have sex with my guy, but the physical differences are a huge roadblock! Help??
Posts: 5 | Registered: Feb 2013
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This certainly sounds frustrating. My go-to suggestions, whenever someone is worrying about penetration not working, is that you make sure you are very aroused and relaxed, and that you use a LOT of lube. It's always ok to use more lube, and you may want to try a different kind if you aren't feeling slippery enough with what you have.
As you say you're doing both of those things, though, I think it would be a good idea to have a gynecologist examine you to see if there's an area where your vaginal corona is thicker and maybe posing an obstacle to penetration. There's some information on that here: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It I looked back and saw an earlier post you made on this topic where you said you had seen a GYN before, and they hadn't mentioned it, but if relaxation/arousal/lube isn't doing it for you, I think it's worth it to double-check and specifically ask about this issue, if you can.
Any time you're having sex and something is either hurting or bleeding, that's a pretty clear sign from your body that it's time to back off for a moment and give things a rest. I think it's certainly likely that you and your partner can make this work, but it may just require a lot of patience on your part. I'd suggest that even if you are both really into the idea of intercourse, that you don't make that the focus of your sex life together and explore other ways to have sex while you work on figuring out where that pain is coming from and how to relax and ease into penetration more gradually.
Posts: 911 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013
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