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Author Topic: Advice - Partner has HPV and I do not
Member # 106055

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My boyfriend and I have been together for several months. From the moment we met we just clicked and knew that this was something different. We truly love one another and can see a strong future together.

Recently my boyfriend told me that he has a genital warts strain of HPV and is getting treatment for the genital warts. This was an exceptionally difficult thing for him to tell me and I appreciate his honesty. I am however really struggling with this news. As a bit of background, he is my first boyfriend and I have never had sex before. I have had the gardasil vaccine (I was fortunate enough to get the vaccine when it became available and the government where I live made it free to all young girls). He has had multiple girlfriends and sexual partners. He has also never been vaccinated. He has always been incredibly understanding and supportive to me given my inexperience in relationships and willing to take things as slow as I need. He has developed a lot of maturity in the last few years but unfortunately made some poor choices when he was younger in regards to sex and sexual partners, however always practiced safe sex and always used a condom.

I have mixed emotions about the issue. I am upset about the position I have been placed in. What should be an exciting new adventure and first time now has a cloud hanging over it and I am terrified. I am angry at some of the choices he has made in the past which I do not morally agree with. Resentful that I am the one who has to deal with this awful situation. Scared that I am placing myself at risk. Worried that if I were to contract HPV and worst case scenario, that I would be left on my own to deal with the consequences. I am also mourning for the safe, secure, carefree relationship we had before I knew. I wish that we didn’t have to face this problem.

I really love him and desperately want to be with him but am terrified and quite upset. He is very supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to make this work and to find a way to work through this. I need some advice about how to deal with situation both emotionally and practically (in terms of safe sex given the situation and that condoms provide 70% protection for HPV). He has had HPV for 7 months now and is still getting wart reoccurrence and treatment for them. Is it likely that his immune system will be able to overcome it? If this happens will I still be at risk of catching it? If I catch it will I necessarily show symptoms given that he has shown symptoms with this strain? Statistically as I have had the vaccine I know my personal risk of contracting it is low. However, there is still a risk. One I am very afraid of and not sure how to deal with how I feel or what to do

Posts: 1 | From: - | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi monty17 and welcome to Scarleteen,

The unknown can definitely be scary.

I want to clear something up first. [Smile] HPV is incredibly common, and the fact that your boyfriend has it has nothing to do with the sexual choices he did or didn't make. I'm not sure what those choices were, and I don't need to know, and I'm not sure what choices would feel less threatening to you. however, even had his choices been different, it's still possible to contract HPV with any genital sexual contact,even when using safer sex practices. The risk is lower, to be sure, but it's still there.

Can you tell me what you're concerned the consequences of HPV would be that you'd be left to deal with on your own?

I'm not sure how much reading you've done on HPV, but I'm going to give you some material to look at that will hopefully answer some of your questions.

WE can definitely talk through this information, as well as the fears you have. [Smile]

The HPV Vaccine FAQ

The STI Files: Human Papillomavirus (HPV)


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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