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Author Topic: Should I go for it or not?
corky404
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My boyfriend wants to perform oral sex on me (im a female) and im nervous. I really don't want an STD (or STI). He doesn't seem to want to get tested because apparently he says he's fine and from the looks of it he can't seem to afford a testing. He has had sexual partners before me. I have had no one except him and im nervous at this sort of thing. I let hime lick me once down there and told him to stop, and days later i ended up with a yeast infection, not an STI thankfully.

My question is, should i allow him to perform oral on me even though he appears to be healthy but im nervous about it.

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Corky

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Heather
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Am I right in hearing you that this is only something you want to do with a partner who has been tested?

Or perhaps only want to do using a barrier -- a dental dam, in this case -- to reduce your risks?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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corky404
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Well yes i would feel better if he was tested, but i think he'll probably get offended if i ask. He wants to do it without a dental dam so obviously there would be some risk involved. i want to know, how can we be safe?

Also, where do you buy dental dams?

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Corky

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Heather
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So you two want different things: have you talked about that, and discussed possible ways to meet in the middle, if either or both of you feel willing to compromise?

Dams are unfortunately tougher to find than condoms, but you can buy them online in the same places you can buy condoms. If you're over 18, you can also usually find them at sex toy shops.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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corky404
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Well we had discussed it and he's not forceful about it but in some weird way i actually want to try it. How do i over come this nervousness and feel alittle safer with him performing cunnilingus? (Is that how you spell it?) I know there is the use of dental dam and all but to emotionally prepare yourself for trying something new is something that can make me nervous.

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Corky

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Onionpie
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Hi corky -- I see you said earlier that for you to feel comfortable with this, you want your partner to either have been tested, or use dental dams, is that right? So, only having sex you are comfortable with/in ways that you are comfortable (with the level of protection you are comfortable with) will really be the big player in you BEING comfortable and not as nervous about it.

If you're having sex in a way you wouldn't choose to if you felt like you really had the choice to have it the way you WANTED, then you're never going to NOT feel nervous about it, because you're relaxing boundaries/limits you're not actually comfortable letting go of. Do you know what I mean?

I know that since dental dams can be a bit more difficult to find, some people do DIY dams by cutting a line up a condom so it can spread out kind of like a dam. So that's also an option for you, there.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about what you need to have happen to feel comfortable with this -- as in, it sounds like that means either he gets tested or uses a barrier? Have you set that as a hard limit at all? If you've done any of that, how has he reacted to it?

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