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Author Topic: fingered with pre-ejaculatiin?
corky404
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I'm very worried. My boyfriend and i were getting intimate by mutual masturbating one another. I had my hands on him (his penis) while he used his left hand to finger me down there. He didn't fully ejaculate but he had pre-ejaculate come out (landing on my hand). At one point he used his right to guide my hands to go the way he would like it.

After that happen we were done and we both had to pull up our pants and i tried my best not to touch myself as much, especially when i went to the restroom to pee and wipe. Now im scared because i have a fear of pregnancy. My period is suppose to be this week and all i got was a little spot of blood but nothing more. Please help...

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Corky

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Heather
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What is it you'd like help with, Corky?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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corky404
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To know if pregnancy is possible in this situation becuase i am worried.

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Corky

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September
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Corky, have you seen this thread about how to self-assess a pregnancy risk?
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027495.html

Why don't you start there and then come back if you have more questions.

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-joey
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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corky404
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Oh, ok...im sorry im new to this website.

Main questions:
Could i possibly be pregnant from the pre-ejaculation?
And why hasn't my period started?

[ 03-06-2013, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: corky404 ]

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Corky

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Robin Lee
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Hey Corky,

What did you learn from the information Joey linked you to about how pregnancy can and cannot occur?

In terms of why you haven't gotten your period yet, there could be a number of reasons. Many of them are listed in this article:

M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

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Robin

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corky404
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Thank you for these posts, its much appreciated. I have read the articles that were provided.

If anyone has more information about pre-ejaculation and fingering that would be great.
I will do my best to calmed down try to take care of myself. For a girl trying to avoid intercourse and be celebate its quite a challenge, especially when im someone prone to anxieties.
Thanks again for your time.

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Corky

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

It sounds like you didn't find the information you were looking for. Can you please tell me what information precisely would be helpful to you that you did not find in those articles?

Regarding pre-ejaculate and fingering, this advice column might help clarify things:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/how_do_you_avoid_getting_pregnant_after_giving_a_handjob_or_oral_sex

Would you like to talk some about how to manage things so you feel more in control of what sexual activities you do and don't engage in? It sounds like you want to avoid sexual activities that make you anxious/worried.

Do you feel this level of anxiety about other things in your life?

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Robin

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corky404
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Yes actually. I have had much anxiety and fear over the worry of being pregnant from the certain sexual activities that i do.
I truly do want to be a good girlfriend to my boyfriend but i have ended up doing things that have made me uncomfortable.
My mom constantly reminds me that she has no confidence in me because im not a virgin anymore, she puts it in my face a lot and she made me promise not to have sex until marriage. I made her the promise because i didn't want to hurt her anymore than i did. So i became abstainate. I thought it would be a good idea because i could avoid vaginal intercourse until im ready.
My boyfriend and i do other things like oral and manual sex. But unfortunately i have the constant fear embedded in my head and i fear the worse because i am not ready to be a mother anytime soon.
Im sorry if this is a long post. I just needed someone to talk to and to help infoorm and advise me.

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Corky

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corky404
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Thank you robin and joey, those articles and colums were helpful to read

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Corky

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Karybu
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Being a "good girlfriend" shouldn't mean that you do things that make you uncomfortable, ever. Is your boyfriend pressuring you to have manual and oral sex, or is it something you really want to do because you enjoy it? Have you talked to him and told him that you're not comfortable?

I'm so sorry that your mom is treating you the way she is, that's not something anyone should have to deal with. Do you think she'd be open to discussing how she's making you feel?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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corky404
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I wouldn't say my boyfriend is pressuring me, but he can be persistant sometimes even though i say no. So i end up feeling like im obligated to do it. Im ok with giving him oral and a handjob as long as i don't get semen anywhere near my crotch area, which was concerning me about my fingering incident because im trying to remember if there was precum on his finger or not (which led me to this website). I stil don't have my period and im doing what i can to take it easy but its still something i think about throughout the day.
As for the whole thing with my mom, she is a traditional, mexican, catholic woman who has a hard time being open minded about these sorts of things. It would be worse if my father knew. So i chose to abstain from vaginal intercourse for them so not to be a terrible daughter to them.

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Corky

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Karybu
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Asking repeatedly even when you've said no is a form of pressuring, in my mind. Sex of any kind is something that should only happen because both partners want it to, not because one wants it and the other feels obligated - you are not obligated to do anything, and being in a relationship doesn't mean you owe your partner sex or anything else.

You know, I'm hearing a lot about what you think other people expect of you, but not a lot about what you yourself want. So what do you want? What would make YOU happy?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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corky404
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Good question. I guess i would like to try and be someone less stressed and more comfortable with myself, mentally and physically and even sexually.

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Corky

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Karybu
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Okay, so what do you think you need to make that happen? How can we help you with that?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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corky404
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Therein lays my problem. I don't know how to approach a solution for myself. I came here to this site hoping to just get a straight answer if there was any chance of pregnancy or not from my intimate situation i first asked. If there is a chance to help myself mentally/emotionally about me and my sexuality i would like to see what kind of articles this website might provide.

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Corky

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Heather
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Well, we can certainly help a great deal with that when it comes to your sexual life.

For starters, I'd want to really get a better idea of what the dynamics of your current relationships are like, and why you think you're staying in something where, for instance, you're with a partner who doesn't respect your no to sex.

I think it might also make sense to talk about what YOU really want when it comes to engaging in sex right now or not. Obviously, you're not actually being abstinent, since you're engaging in several different kinds of sex, just not intercourse right now. But what do YOU want -- setting aside what your mother and your boyfriend want? Do you want to be engaging in any of these kinds of sex right now? Do you feel good about them, right about them, and enjoy them?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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corky404
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Right now, im not feeling to good about my sexual experiance. I woke up crying with fear because i still haven't started my period and i feel that my menses would be the only thing giving me peace of mind right now to think straight.
what i want is to avoid sperm near my private area. I actually don't want him to finger me. Im ok with giving a handjob as long as i remain fully clothed. He's a good boyfriend and he does respect me but he sometimes has his moments where he wants to pleasure me when i just don't want him too. I want to be able to be comfortable with my sexuality but im just too afraid of being pregnant. I refuse using pills because i know i will forget to take them on time. And other contraceptives i am not very sure of. I want to abstain from sex until im mentally, emotionally, and even financially ready to take care of myself for anything that might happen.

[ 03-08-2013, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: corky404 ]

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Corky

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Heather
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When you say you are "okay" with certain kind of sex -- like handjobs -- does that mean that's something you very much want to do? That you actually feel a strong desire TO do?

Or does "okay" mean that someone else wants it, but you really don't, but can live with obliging them?

Have you ever talked with your boyfriend to set clear limits that when you say you don't want to do something, he needs to accept that and drop it, totally, right then and there?

Have you also talked with this partner about what you've said here in your last sentence, about what you want to abstain from?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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corky404
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When it comes to giving my boyfriend a handjob, i like it cuz it makes him happy. I'll admit to dry humping as something pleasurable (even though sometimes i get alittle worried about the possibility of semen seeping through). As for oral, i only give oral sex to him with flavored condoms. He wants to perform oral on me but i keep refusing.
I have discussed my limitations with him but sometimes when your in the heat of the moment it can be hard to control and you lose your mind and thats when mutual masturbation happens between us.
Its not easy for me to be in a relationship when theres a physical attraction and desire while at the same time trying to be responsible for my actions.

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Corky

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Heather
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You know, it's actually really not hard to control yourself when a partner says no to something. It's really not. Especially when you care about that person and their feelings.

Feeling desires truly doesn't make anyone lose their mind. All our synapses keep on firing just the same, and while it can be a little more challenging to think clearly, it's something people have the capacity to do.

And, if someone feels like they are NOT able to do that? That's a pretty clear sign they're just not ready yet to be sexual with a partner. because while we can certainly be spontaneous with partners, and let ourselves FEEL carried away, for sex to be physically and emotionally safe for everyone, we do have to be in control of ourselves, especially with simple things like not doing what someone tells us they don't want us to do.

Am I understanding that of the sex you've been taking part in, dry humping is the only thing you ALSO enjoy, and not just because your boyfriend likes it? Are their other things you also enjoy, like say, kissing, etc?

Maybe you can start making changes by making a list of the things that a) you ARE really okay with doing but also that b) you enjoy yourself, and not just because he likes it.

Perhaps if you could then share that with him and make clear that, for now, those things -- whatever is on that list -- are the ONLY things you're going to do with him sexually, and that he needs to understand and accept that?

[ 03-08-2013, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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corky404
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That sounds like a good idea to make a list and share it with my boyfriend. I really should be more careful no matter how carried away i get. Thank you this is good advice. I hope this can improve my situation a bit.

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Corky

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corky404
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By the way, i re-read my first comment and realized i wasn't so clear and i apologize.

My main concerns are that my boyfriend had a lot of pre-ejaculation come out and i had some on my hands as i pulled up my pants. He went to the bathroom to pee before we got intimate. Is there sperm in the precum even though he urinated before we mutaully masturbated each other? And if so, what are my chances of getting pregnant from this. That is what i wanted to ask.

I got good information from the articles, they were very helpful, but i still feel worried and scared that i still don't have my period and that i am a day or 2 late. Re-reading the articles help but i guess i just hoped for a yes or no answer to my predicatment. But atleast i am better informed of somethings.

[ 03-08-2013, 09:17 PM: Message edited by: corky404 ]

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Corky

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Heather
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Aside of making clear -- as those links and articles do -- that manual sex, period (fingering, in your case), just isn't how pregnancy tends to happen, we really can't get more clear. I'd suggest trying to let go of worries about pre-ejaculation here and focus on that.

Continuing to focus on pre-ejaculation here strikes me as similar to being worried about getting food poisoning from something you didn't even eat. get what I mean?

But if you're late with your period at this point, you can also certainly take a pregnancy test so you can see that negative result, which might be what you need at this point.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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corky404
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Thank you. This was all much appreciated.

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Corky

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