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Rose22
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Member # 104925

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Okay so me and my bf have had sex a few times now since February... like 5 times and all these time we have been using condoms. But this last time idk i felt like i couldnt trust condoms since they look so weak and fragile and so many things can go wrong. My bf disagreed and got me a condom and told me to try to rip it and see how long it takes now imagine it inside of me where there are no rough surfaces and when it is lubed. We had sex two days ago and twice and for the first time he ejaculate inside me while wearing a condom.

He took it off and i saw all the fluids there and he had it on since the start so is it correct judging from your article on pregnancy risk or not that its is pretty safe to say im not pregnant correct i just want to make sure i made a correct assessment of your article [Big Grin] and we also filled it up with water AFTER to make sure there werent any holes.

a)So in short according to your article this was a RISK but its pretty much biologically impossible that im pregnant correct?

The second time i stopped him because i was stressing over the first time and he was understanding and said theres nothing to worry about, it be really weird case if I was pregnant.

He said yeah every sexual act through genitals is a risk but we both saw that none of my fluids ever got near your vulva and stayed in a condom so it was almost as if you were masturbating with a dildo. So it was 100% effective against pregnancy however THIS TIME. And this second time i didnt ejaculate so thats even less like 99.2%. If we had waited to put it on and fooled around or if it ripped, slipped off, or i didnt put it on right or it spilled then yes we have something to worry about and we stand at anywhere between the 98& and the 85% risk range.

b)Is my bf right or wrong?

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I have to stop thinking

Posts: 15 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rose22
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Oh and he also said that the condom is a marvelous invention because it does not mess with the body unless youre allergic to the material and the theory of it is that if no fluid comes into contact between genitals then it is biologically impossible for there to be a pregnancy in the first place so hardly a risk and that the 2% is because it can rip or slip off or people can spill the fluids onto their partner if not taking out correctly. There is hardly a manufacturing accident and that they are tested first. He takes good care of condoms only buys them from stores like kmart, cvs, target, and keeps them in individual cases hahahaha as if they were jewelry.

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I have to stop thinking

Posts: 15 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
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Hi Rose,

Please double-check our information on pregnancy risk questions here, the links will answer a lot of what you've asked in these posts in terms of what is and is not a risk.

In addition, it sounds like these two links about condoms will help clear things up for you:
Birth Control Bingo: Condoms
Condom Basics: A User's Manual

If you're using condoms properly, they shouldn't break (extra lube will help with that; if you aren't using lubrication with condoms I'd start doing that). Breaks due to a failure in the condom itself are extremely rare; usually breaks happen because of user error of some sort, either in use or storage.
One thing to note is that there is no need to fill condoms with water to test for holes - if it breaks, the break will be pretty obvious. It is just not true that condoms have or are prone to tiny holes that only turning them into water balloons will reveal. So you don't need to do that in the future.

One other thing I want to mention is that no matter how safe and effective condoms are, if you don't feel adequately protected by them and either want to look into a backup form of contraception or to take some kinds of sex off the table until you can sort that out and feel confident using them, that is totally fine. It's ok for your boyfriend to extol the virtues of condoms to you, but if he's pressuring you to use only condoms as a birth control method and you don't feel comfortable with that, he needs to step back a bit and respect that.
If you want any information on other forms of birth control you can use along with condoms, there's some detail here: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method Of course, if you have questions about a specific method we can help you out.

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Rose22
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How do you know when youre comfortable with condoms in their efficiency? For some reason it feels like i have to use them and be able to trust them to gain that confidence... A lot of people trust them and they are reccomended everywhere as almost foolproof except why cant i believe that? I dont know if i should be asking this here so sorry if i should not. I want to trust them and have confidence in them.

and no Molias he isnt pressuring me he says if i want to wait or look for another method its fine, that its my body just research it and he cant sotp me even if he tried he'll just share his opinion but the decision is all mine.

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I have to stop thinking

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Molias
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Honestly, you're the only person who can really know how comfortable you are just with condoms. Knowing what you do about how to use them effectively (and knowing that your boyfriend seems to have a good handle on that already), how well-protected do you feel if you think about having sex with them?
Does thinking about sex with condoms make you feel a little anxious? Is that a feeling you can diminish by going over the facts again, or does it hang around afterwards?

And good - it sounds like your boyfriend's being supportive. I just wanted to check in on that.

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Rose22
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Would you mind talking with me about my concerns?

Yes it makes me feel anxious because im not sure if i trust them yet and maybe going ove rthe fact again might help. Like how likely is it that i will be pregnant if it does not rip, break, slip off, and we dont spill any contents for that time? is it 98% or more? And i read on of your articles and it said condoms rate of breaking is .4% and usually condoms are fine because they are tested and if they break its usually the users fault.

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I have to stop thinking

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Rose22
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And if my partner does not ejaculate through out whole intercourse session and the nothing goes wrong with the condom would it be perfect use? and what does the .8% mean?

Male Condoms + Withdrawal = 99.92% effective with perfect use - 95.95% effective with typical use
From the Buddy System.

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I have to stop thinking

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Molias
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Yes, "perfect use" for condoms alone is if you and your partner are doing everything right in terms of storing the condom properly and putting it on/removing it properly. That tiny percentage of failure rate is from actual mechanical failure of the condom from a manufacturing issue, which is beyond your control but again is very rare.
And if your partner does not ejaculate during intercourse, you are indeed practicing withdrawal + male condoms as you mention above.

So for what you describe, your risk of pregnancy is really very small. In terms of understanding those statistics, take a look back at the Birth Control Bingo article I linked above. At the top of the page it says "98% effective with perfect use; 2 out of every 100 women will become pregnant each year" So each year, typically 2 out of 100 women whose partners use condoms will become pregnant even if they always use condoms correctly. With withdrawal, 99.92% effectiveness with perfect use means that in one year, out of 1000 women whose partners used a condom and did not ejaculate inside them, fewer than one would become pregnant.

There is no way to absolutely guarantee that you will not become pregnant, even if you're using condoms or condoms and withdrawal. The chance is tiny, especially if you and your boyfriend are being careful with condom use, but it is still there. I think at this point it's up to you to decide how much of a risk you're comfortable with. If you're still nervous, it may be a good idea to step back from this type of sex for now and explore other ways to be sexual with your boyfriend - there are plenty of activities that really do carry a 0% pregnancy risk.

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Rose22
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oh okay i thought it was that out of 100 times you have sex two will end up in a pregnancy. Thank you so much... i feel better but not sure if ill completely rely on them and I think I'll the depo-provera shot since im horrible with taking pills every day :/

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I have to stop thinking

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Do you need help finding a healthcare provider to talk to about your birth control options or do you already have one?

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Robin

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Rose22
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I think i am going to visit planned parenthood soon but thank you Robin and you too Molias I really appreciate it.

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I have to stop thinking

Posts: 15 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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