Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » confused and ignored

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: confused and ignored
scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

Icon 1 posted      Profile for scarlett_99     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i'm a teenager and am in highschool. it's very akward to discuss this but scarleteen has become one of the sites i can easily trust for advice.. I have a best friend who is a boy and we'e been friends since about 4 years now..he had previously asked me if i wanted to date him but i refused because i had a "crush " on another guy since 6 years... over the years me and the guy(the one who is my best friend) have become even better friends and i have a lot of fun with him. i just can't stop talking about him and to him.. but recently i got out of touch with him and he now has a girlfriend.. the problem is that i don't find my crush attractive anymore and the guy(whose my best friend) just seems like he has'nt got enough time for me.i feel a bit jealous.. i cant explain it very well..i don't think i'm "okay" with dating but i feel so ignored.. what should i do? should i have said yes to him when he had asked me? i know this question is a little out of place but i did'nt know who to ask..
Posts: 14 | From: Finland | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alexalex
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 100767

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Alexalex     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's pretty normal to feel a little neglected when a close friend gets a new partner- a lot of times people just get SO caught up in a new love that they forget to prioritize their old friends. It can be tricky when the friend is a guy, too, because occasionally a girlfriend will be jealous of his other female friends and give him a hard time.

Have you talked to him at all? Maybe just say something like "Hey, so and so, I know that you're very busy with Girlfriendface, but I miss hanging out with you- can we schedule a time to go do something and chat?" It might remind him not to neglect his other relationships so much. If you can get along with or (even better) befriend his girlfriend, you can also all hang out together which makes it easier for him :-) This is all assuming that you don't have any romantic interest in him, though.

And no, you weren't wrong to say "no" to dating if, at the time when he asked you, you didn't want to date. Obviously I can't know what you're feeling, but it doesn't seem like you have a crush on this guy- just that you miss your good friend! Losing interest in your old crush doesn't necessarily mean anything (except that you've lost interest in your crush.)

If you do decide that you have feelings for your friend, well, that's a stickier situation.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

Icon 1 posted      Profile for scarlett_99     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes. I did try to contact him. I called him up but he cut the line. i got his call some time later saying that he was in tution and he just had to talk to his girlfriend because her mother had confisticated her cellphone and she wanted to talk to him. I called him after 6 months with so much hope.. This was so not how i had planned this.. He realized that i was angry and tried to convince me that i had always been his best friend and always would be.. at the end i told him that i got that he was sorry and that i was too. he sent quite a cheerful reply but after that he did'nt even TRY to contact me. the reason that i called him was because he had been talking to one of my best friends ( a girl) and asked her if she knew me.. then when she replied yes, he went on to say some very mean things about me. My friend got angry and told me everything. I was crushed. The next day he called her again and told her that he had been wrong about me and he wanted to talk to me.. but i was'nt picking up(my cell phone was under repair). i told her to tell him that i would call him back asap. He told my friend he did'nt care about me.. When i activated my cell phone and called him.. i just told you what happened. he tried to call me again over the next few minutes and sent some messages. I don't know what got into me.I told him that if he did'nt care about me it was better not to pretend. I don't know if i like him though..but whenever i find other girls talking about him i smile and blush. A lot.. what is this supposed to be? Should i trust him?
Posts: 14 | From: Finland | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm so sorry to hear that your friendship with this guy has changed so drastically. It's tough stuff, for sure, but do know that it's not unusual for friendships to change, and even end, over time. Doesn't make it feel any better, I know.

I'm not quite sure what you're asking here. It seems like two things are happening, that you're not happy about not having a friendship with this guy anymore, and that you have strong feelings for him. Your feelings are your feelings, and if you blush and feel happy when talking about this guy, that's okay. It doesn't sound, though, as if those feelings are reciprocated, and since he has a girlfriend it doesn't sound like you will have a chance to have a relationship with him any time soon. That doesn't make you having feelings for him wrong, though.

Do you feel like it's okay to have these nice feelings about him even though he doesn't feel the same way?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

Icon 1 posted      Profile for scarlett_99     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
neither am i sure as to what's happening... I sometimes feel intimidated that he knows so many girls and he's NEVER likely to choose me... Neither do i want a relationship with him.. I just want my friend back.. But after all that he said about me behind my back.. I 'm getting more and more confused. He considers me as one of his best friends(i think)and i do too.. But that thoughts a bit hazy now to say the truth..
Posts: 14 | From: Finland | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It can be hard to know what to think. The people who've told you that he's said things about you; are they people you think you can trust to tell you the truth?

Have you been able to share with him that you'd still like to be friends with him?

It can hurt, for sure, when someone we're interested in as more than frends doesn't return that interest. This doesn't say anything about you or your ability to be in a relationship in the future.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scarlett_99
Neophyte
Member # 101726

Icon 1 posted      Profile for scarlett_99     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you so much for your advice.. I talked to him and as for now, its great. Yes, I can trust that person who told me that. Ill trust her anyday, anytime. I talked to him and he told me that HE was feeling weird that I lost touch without even telling him properly and HE felt ignored. Thank you so much scarleteen.. [Smile]
Posts: 14 | From: Finland | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen