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Author Topic: Can a girl get pregnant from a lap dance?
bemand130
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I had a dance from a girl. During the dance, she was sitting on my lap facing me, grinding in my lap, and I fully ejaculated. I warned her I was going to ejaculate in my pants. But she kept going. I was wearing boxers and pants. My zipper closed and belt still on. She had her thong on. My pants soaked up pretty good about 1-2 inches left of my zipper, like the size of a potato. I think she realized I had ejaculated in my pants and she stopped before the song was over. I cannot tell how much of the wet pants touched her or where. If it did touch her I think it would have gotten her on the back/inside of her leg, guessing about 1-2 inches away from her lady parts. I don't think her thong was rubbing on the wet spot on my pants directly, but I suppose it's possible one side could have touched. I am so scared I could have gotten her pregnant. I am guessing that there is a risk in this situation, however small it may be. I am trying to gauge how small that risk is. Are there any documented cases of this? If this is the wrong place to post this question, can you please direct me to the appropriate place to ask? Hoping someone can help!
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Heather
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Hey there, bemand.

We ask that all users with pregnancy risk questions please go through this post, and the links within it, before posting a risk question to the boards: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027786.html

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bemand130
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Hi Heather,

I didn't mean to sound like someone who didn't read the text you provided, because I saw it when I first signed up. I listed my entire ramble about my horrifying experience because I don't quite fit in the "First things First" section. My experience was definitely related to the dry sex described, with one exception, The outside of my pants were wet and sticky to the touch after ejaculating, even though I had on boxers underneath. Ejaculation in the form of a liquid type substance did not touch her. But she may have touched the wet patch on my pants with her leg and or the side of her thong. I'm very worried about it - and don't know what to do! I'm trying to seek out a licensed professional counselor to talk to about this - but there seem to be some many different kinds I don't know which one to go talk to.

Very scared.

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Heather
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Reading what you read, let's review that you had boxers on. So, you can know from what you read that a risk of pregnancy is a non-issue.

You know, from a practical standpoint, I also feel like it's sound to be real about this. Are we talking about a lap dance from a sex worker here?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bemand130
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If by sex worker you mean a stripper at a strip club, yes.
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Heather
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Yep.

And okay, so here's the get real part: sex workers are generally MORE diligent about their sexual health and contraception than the general population. Your average stripper? About the last thing in the world she wants is to wind up pregnant from work, from some dude of many in a given night who is only work to her, who she could care less about, and where she couldn't possibly have any chance of getting help supporting a kid.

So, you can bet your bottom that she already has contraception down, and if she's doing anything where there's a risk of pregnancy at work, she's already using reliable contraception, because a pregnancy would be WAY more of a nightmare for her than from you.

Mind, you're not even describing anything that poses a real pregnancy risk, but even if you were? She's got this under control. And in the event you did do something where a pregnancy resulted because her method failed? It's not like you'd ever, ever know, I assure you. It would touch your life in no way whatsoever.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bemand130
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Thanks for the bit about her diligence. I really hope that's true. The thought of potentially having a kid out there really bothers me. I wish there was some way I could get some kind of closure...
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Heather
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Well, to stay real with you again, I think you might want to consider how unlikely it is a sex worker would want to bring a pregnancy to term that occurred via some random dude she gave a lap dance to.

In a word: it's not at all likely. You might be really awesome, but to someone doing sex work all you are is a job, and not someone they'd be excited to have a kid because of.

Maybe for you the closure here is rethinking if this is really something you want to repeat? In other words, perhaps getting lap dances just isn't for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bemand130
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Oh no kidding! I'll never go back to a place like that ever again, at anytime, any place, or for any reason. This was just a really scary and horrible experience for me and I'm still overridden by anxiety over it.
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Heather
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So, sounds like you've identified the real issue here, which is that you just didn't feel good about that whole experience. I suspect it's really those feelings that are the crux here, rather than any earnest risk of pregnancy.

If you want to talk through your feelings about that, how it was scary for you, etc. because you think that'll help you let it go and move forward, I'm happy to listen.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bemand130
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The number one thing that keeps running through my head is "God, please don't let her be pregnant" and then the number two thing is "God, how will I ever know?" I don't want to potentially be a father and not know it, or find out that some girl I don't know is pregnant because of me. I want to have kids one day, but I want to bring them into a loving family, not with some random sex worker. If I could just find out/confirm that shes not pregnant, I think a ton of this anxiety would go away. I have definitely learned my lesson, never again will I go to one of these places. And I could move on with life... I don't want to have to ever tell someone "Yea, I could have a kid out there somewhere..." I keep imagine trying to say this in front of someone like my mom or dad and then feeling terrible because I let them down or disappointed them somehow... just saying all this makes the anxiety feel worse...
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Heather
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You know, I think that actually, something you might be dealing with here is simply one part of being a person with a penis who has any kind of sex with people with uteruses.

In other words, those of us with a uterus? We will always know if we have any kids. How can we not? It's not like we can sleep our way through a pregnancy and delivery.

But when you're a person with a penis and not a uterus, and you do get intimate with people with a uterus in ways where a pregnancy can happen (or it can't, but you fear it can), it is always going to be some degree of question mark if you're not only sexual with people whose side you never, ever leave, which isn't a very healthy option.

And I get that that might feel mighty weird, and even scary to some degree. That kind of lack of control around pregnancy makes a lot of men feel uncomfortable or scared: you're hardly the first, rest assured.

I get it might feel scarier if what you're afraid of is a pregnancy from some kind of sexual behaviour you don't feel good about or think others wouldn't accept.

I actually doubt that confirming the pregnant/not-pregnant status of this sex worker would magic all of this anxiety away, but it doesn't really matter, since you don't have that right, and going and chasing her down to ask would be pretty profoundly disrespectful of her right to privacy when it comes to her reproductive life. Ultimately, the onus is on you not to be sexual with anyone electively if and when it poses risks you don't want to take (again, don't think per a pregnancy it did here, but talking in general).

Like I said, I really think you might need to try and understand that as scary as this feels for you, a sex worker is WAY less likely, even than you are, to want to get pregnant or stay pregnant via any kind of sex at work with you. Not because I'm saying you're a crummy person or anything like that, but for a host of reasons and typical circumstances -- including being the person who would have to go through a pregnancy and birth, pay for it, then parent and support a kid -- it really would be a way more nightmarish scenario for her than you, and you really can rest assured that's never occurred to her before and she doesn't take care of what she needs to, when she needs to, to prevent that.

[ 02-03-2013, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bemand130
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Thanks for your thoughts and your time, Heather. I really appreciate it. I will try to come to terms with the risk for this particular situation and think about what you've said about the reality of the situation and hopefully move forward/let this be water under the bridge - and a lesson learned. In hind sight it was so stupid to go to that place.

I still think I want to find someone local to talk to about it, like a counselor, or maybe a psychiatrist. But I am not sure which one to see, and there are several names for different professionals out there... would you be able to tell me what kind of a health professional I should seek out? I THINK what I am looking for is a Licensed Professional Counselor.

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Heather
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Of course, I'm happy to help. And you know, we make mistakes or errors in life, all of us do. It's so often how we learn things, like what is and isn't right for us as individuals, like what we're scared of, etc.

In terms of finding someone extra to talk to about this who isn't a friend or family member, but a mental health professional, I agree that a counselor should do you just fine. You sound like what you really want is someone to talk to about this particular situation, versus someone who can prescribe you medications (a psychiatrist) or someone for ongoing therapy (a therapist).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bemand130
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Yes! This was a huge mistake I've made. I did not do this intentionally nor did I think that it would end up this scary or horrifying to realize the consequences afterward! I really wish I could go back and tell myself to just go home and watch TV, what I would give to be able to do that...

And as for the someone extra to talk to that sounds about right, hopefully it wont evolve into a need for a therapist... And thanks for pointing out the differences.

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Heather
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Sure. And in the meantime, I'd just really try and let go of the idea you have about the "horrifying consequences" here, per the things you're afraid of that just don't have a basis in reality, like a potential pregnancy.

Clearly, this didn't feel right to you and still doesn't. So, you know it's not for you and not something you're likely to want to do again. But other than just not feeling good about it now, and learning something about different choices for the future, I just don't see there actually being any other consequences of this you need to concern yourself with.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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