Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Problem with PIV penetrative sex

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Problem with PIV penetrative sex
RossettiFan
Neophyte
Member # 102505

Icon 1 posted      Profile for RossettiFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi, Scarleteen!
My boyfriend and I have been having other kinds of sex for a few months now but a few days ago we tried PIV or genital/penetrative sex for the first time. We made sure to take it slow, communicate lots and there was a lot of foreplay, including manual stimulation, but even though I felt relaxed and aroused I literally couldn't take the entirety of my partner's penis, even though we tried a few times. It wasn't agonising but there was definitely enough pain that my body was sending me signals that something wasn't up. I think this really disheartened my boyfriend even though we talked about it afterwards, and I was also disappointed- I was really psyched and ready for it! I'd made sure to read your OW to WOW guide, and so I'm not sure what went wrong. Any advice would be appreciated!

EDIT: I've considered a condition such a vaginismus but since penetration by fingers or tampon insertion isn't a problem I doubt this is the issue.

[ 01-27-2013, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: RossettiFan ]

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Welcome to the boards, Rossetti fan!

(Is that a fan of Dante Gabriel Rossetti?)

Any kind of sex is often just like anything else: it often takes practice to figure out how it works for us, and then more practice to figure out how to do it with a particular person in a way that feels good to everyone. having everything go aces and feel awesome on the first try -- with intercourse or any other kind of sex -- is pretty unusual.

As well, not everyone - be it the first time or the 500th time -- finds, in general or on a given day, or in a given position -- finds it 'works" or feels good in PIV to have a partner's penis very deeply inside them, and for some people, especially for partners with longer penises, the whole of a penis just isn't going to fit, period.

Sounds like you and your boyfriend's expectations here were higher than were sound.

So, first things first? I'd see if you both can't adjust them, and also perhaps focus on what WAS positive about this experience for both of you.

What do you do from here? Probably just spend more time communicating and experimenting together to get more comfortable and find out what does work for both of you, and feel good for you both.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
RossettiFan
Neophyte
Member # 102505

Icon 1 posted      Profile for RossettiFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi! Actually, no, although I do like his paintings, I prefer his sister, Christina's work- she wrote Goblin Market, In The Bleak Midwinter, and my favourite poem ever, Song: a Birthday. [Smile]

Okay, that seems like a good course of action- I was a little worried that there was a problem on my end in terms of my body 'not being ready', but maybe that wasn't the case? It was still a really positive experience apart from that, and after speaking about it I'm positive that we both came away from the experience with good feelings, I just would really like the next attempt to maybe be a little less frustrating.

EDIT: (i'm addicted to these)- I've been reading all of the articles on Scarleteen that I could get my browser's metaphorical hands on, and I just wanted to say what an invaluable and great resource it is, and that I'm really glad it exists.

[ 01-27-2013, 03:40 PM: Message edited by: RossettiFan ]

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Goblin market is, IMO, one of the most incredible poems of EVER. You have fantastic taste! I confess, I didn't ask about Christina, since she's pretty obscure. What a nice surprise. [Smile]

In terms of bodies, all by themselves, being "ready," really, if a person wants to have intercourse, and they're well into or past puberty, bodies tend to be ready.

However, maybe you, and your body, need some things you can try to be sure that, in the moment, you're specifically feeling ready for vaginal entry that feels good to you. You might try, for instance, reaching orgasm from something else first, try different angles or positions, more lubricant, etc. If you both had a lot riding on this and feel you still do, some verbal affirmation along the way that no matter how it goes, it's all good, might be something else to try?

And thank you so much for the lovely compliment!

[ 01-27-2013, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
RossettiFan
Neophyte
Member # 102505

Icon 1 posted      Profile for RossettiFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm incredibly lucky that my English teachers of years past have been brilliant women who introduced me to a lot of obscure treasures. Goblin Market is absolutely amazing, yes!

I think making sure we're both okay with things not being '''perfect''' is a great idea. I mean, we had tried more than one position, and orgasm from other sexual activities beforehand, which is why I suppose I felt a little less than 100% certain and happy as to why this was such a no-goer. :? I guess it was just a fun learning experience, and as long as there's nothing I need to worry about or correct, it's all good.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Good teachers are truly the bomb. [Smile]

Like I said, it's not really about correcting so much as it likely just taking time, as it does for most people, for you to figure out together what works for the two of you, uniquely, and what doesn't.

And if you need some comfort around this in the meantime, or something to give you some food for thought for talking together about it not being "perfect" (whatever that means, you know?) this piece might be of use to you: Is THAT All There Is?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen