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Author Topic: Paranoia about pregnancy!
vanillaflower24
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Hi, I'm very scared. My period came on the 20th of November and ended on the 27th of November. My boyfriend and I had sex on the 30th of November. He was a virgin and I wasn't. I had one partner before him and we used protection. My current boyfriend and I used protection. We tried having sex the first time that day and he ejaculated within a minute or so. He then went to the bathroom to clean up. He came back and we wanted to try it again. This lasted about two minutes or so again but he ejaculated in the condom. He said that he took a look at both of the condoms we used and see if it was broken, had any holes, or had any semen leaking out of the condom. He said that I don't have to worry because there was nothing wrong with the condom and that all the semen is trapped in the condom, so there's no chance I couldn't be pregnant. I am very paranoid when it comes to pregnancy. So it's been about 9 days since we've had sex and I've been peeing a lot and I sometimes feel nauseous but don't throw up at all. Is there any risk that I can be pregnant, have an infection or STD? He also performed oral sex on me a couple of times that day and he does not have any type of STD's. Am I safe or not? Thanks!
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Onionpie
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Hi vanillaflower, welcome to scarleteen! Please read this post and all of the articles in it:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/28/t/007116.html

Those articles contain all the information you need to be able to figure out of you are at risk of pregnancy from the situation you described. If you have any questions about the content of the articles, or need help understanding anything, feel free to ask [Smile]

Also: the FIRST and ONLY reliable symptom of pregnancy is a missed period. So peeing a lot and throwing up is not anything to rely on, and they are symptoms that wouldn't even be showing up this early if you were pregnant.

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vanillaflower24
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Thank you so much! When can I take a pregnancy test after the day I had intercourse?
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vanillaflower24
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Also, my boyfriend gave me oral sex, but he's never been with a female before me that performed oral sex. The partner before him never performed oral sex on me, so am I at risk of an STD?
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Heather
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Anytime we engage in various kinds of sex we have potential STI risks. Safer sex methods offer a high level of protection, so the risks are far lower if we use those, and far higher if we don't.

If our partner has ever had any sexual partners before us, those risks are higher. If with those partners, they also didn't use safer sex practices, those risks are higher still.

In terms of pregnancy tests, generally you want to wait until a late (over five days) or missed period. If your periods aren't regular, then wait at least two weeks until after your risk.

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vanillaflower24
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I'm sorry for all of these questions, but I'm a paranoid female when it comes to pregnancy scares. How can I control it or ease my paranoia? I'm sick of worrying after everything my boyfriend and I do!
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Heather
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It's okay.

Can I start by checking in with you about if you really feel ready for the kinds of sex that present these risks, and able to handle the risks involved emotionally? Not everyone always will, no matter their age, and it's okay if you don't. We don't have to engage in sex, after all.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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Yes, sometimes I feel like I'm ready, then all of these "What if...?'s" come up to my head! [Frown]
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Heather
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Only sometimes?

See, if you don't always feel like you can handle this, then I'd say that's a strong cue that you're just not there yet, and might be trying to move too fast in terms of what you can really handle.

What do you feel like you'd need in order TO feel okay about this and not to worry so much? If you can figure that out, then you can probably sort out if this is about the timing just not being right for you or if it is right, but you need some things that aren't in and haven't been in the picture.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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Well actually, ALL the time! My boyfriend and I decided to have sex when I'm fully ready and not paranoid about pregnancy and being worried all the time. If we were to be ready, I will tell him to use spermicide and pull or if he ejaculates. I'm thinking on bring on birth control but if I ask my mother I know she will get suspicious! So my boyfriend and I think we should be on the safe side instead of me asking him a million questions about me being asst risk of pregnancy when he reassures me that he used a condom.
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vanillaflower24
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When he use to finger me and I gave him a hand job, he would finger me again thinking he got pre-ejaculate or ejaculate on his fingers. That's where I would start getting paranoid.
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vanillaflower24
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Spermicide condoms and pull out if he is getting to the point he's going to ejaculate*
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vanillaflower24
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When I say thinking he get pre-ejaculate on his fingers, I mean me thinking that not him, because he's always careful.
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Heather
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Even when he washed his hands before he did that?

For sure, most people who do not want to become pregnant are only going to feel okay about any kind of sex where that is a risk when they are using reliable methods of contraception, most often, two methods, not just one, like a hormonal method and condoms, so they can know that if one method fails, they have a backup.

Given how much you worry, it sounds to me like engaging in sex using only the LEAST reliable methods -- like spermicide and withdrawal, the two methods with the highest failure rates in typical use -- seems like it's be a way to almost assure you will be panicing a lot. So, maybe the better plan is to figure out what you need in order to use at least one VERY reliable method, paired with condoms, if you're to engage in intercourse? And maybe talking to your mother is part of the picture too, here? If you're sneaking around to have sex and keeping sex of any kind a big secret, that's only going to add to feeling fearful.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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Yes, even before washing his hands. I keep thinking there's still sperm alive. What would be a great back-up form of birth control? My mother and I spoke about sex multiple times but I think it's best for me to wait until I'm completely ready. I know abstinence is 100% safe and no pregnancy will happen! [Smile]
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Heather
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So, do you think that you just don't understand how pregnancy actually happens -- as in, you need more education about that -- or do you KNOW that something like manual sex doesn't pose those risks, and think you are dealing with fears around all of this stemming from something else?

Like, perhaps, moving too fast, too soon for you, worries about getting caught, not really enjoying yourself or feeling like you're in the driver's seat with sex, conflicts with your values....?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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I think and know I need more education about sex and how pregnancy occurs.
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Heather
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Okay!

So, why don't you start with that? Since it sounds like you've already taken a step to step back and slow things down -- which sounds like the right thing for you -- you can take all the time you need to do this now.

We have plenty of information you can start with on our site (start with the front page, maybe looking at the pregnancy and sexuality sections first), can back that up with some at your local library (looking at the pregnancy information in Our Bodies, Ourselves would be a good starting place, book-wise), and then maybe how about you talk with a healthcare provider? Sounds like you had some birth control questions anyway, so you could schedule an educational visit to talk about those options AND ask whatever questions you have about how pregnancy happens. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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Thank you so much for your time and help, appreciate it! [Smile]
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Heather
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Of course. [Smile]

And if you want some good links here to start with, you might try these:

• Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction
• Pregnancy Scared?
• Birth Control Bingo!
• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/why_cant_i_stop_being_so_scared_of_pregnancy

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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hi! I have a question, I hope you recall that I said I had protected intercourse with my boyfriend on November 30th, so on December 20th, I took a clearblue pregnancy test and it ce out negative and I got my period the same day. on this month, it was due on January 19, but my period never came, could I still be pregnant from November?
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smittenkitten
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If you've had a negative pregnancy test and a period, you're not pregnant.

A period is generally only considered late if it is by 5 or more days. It's only the 22nd today, so there's still a chance it will show up.

Cheers,

Marion

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vanillaflower24
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I've been getting terrible cramps though and I'm sick and I feel like its on its way but it doesn't come! It gets me worried. [Frown]
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Heather
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Feeling worried really is a manageable thing.

Ultimately, at this point there isn't anything to do except wait this out, so why don't you find some things in your life to help you do that, like distractions for this worry: things to do, friends to hang out with, etc?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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vanillaflower24
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Can doing my homework or reading a book or talk with my sister be a distraction?
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Robin Lee
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Do they feel like distractions to u

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Robin

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vanillaflower24
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well I don't know what kind of distractions, can you offer some?
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Heather
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The point was, you suggested those things, and we assume that's because those are things you think might be good distractions, right?

So, how about you try them and see?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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