Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Little bit confused

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Little bit confused
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 4 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
so yesterday me and my girlfriend was doing dry sex and manual sex.

we little bit carried away, i pulled her pants off and i pulled out my penis, i'm not sure if i'm touching her vagina with my penis because the moment i realized our genitals was not covered in clothes i immediately stop the activity. there was no ejaculation when our both genitals are naked and i'm think there was no precum .

if there was a contact, i think just touched her pubic hairs near her vagina and it's only split second, because i immediately stop that activity after i realize we are both not protected.

and i asked my girlfriend if that were any contact, she says she doesn't feel any contact.

and we're not rubbing our genital when we are naked.

is there any pregnancy risk ?

i'm really stupid to let this thing happen, i think we both are not ready to handle sex activity .

[ 01-15-2013, 03:02 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
can anyone answer ? i would be very thankful if someone can help and answer my question . [Smile]
Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I feel like you're asking us to guess at what happened here, and the thing is that if you don't know, we certainly can't.

If you weren't rubbing your naked genitals together though, it is not at all likely that there were risks of pregnancy.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
if there was only split second contact penis with vagina(outside part and not entering the vagina) and there was no ejaculation fluid ? is it making any diffrence ?

i'm sure we are not rubbing each other genital, because the moment i realize both we are not protected, i immediately stop the sex activity.

sorry if i'm asking too much.

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If you're sure you weren't rubbing your naked genitals together, and instead we're talking about something like your penis grazing her mons, then we're not talking about activity associated with pregnancy risks.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i'm very sure we are not rubbing our genitals together.

and if there was any contact, i'm sure it's only split second and dry contact with no ejaculation fluid

[ 01-15-2013, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
do you have any advice to prevent sexual activity ?
because in our country does not believe in sex before wedding , so they don't provide birth control except condom to young couple . and for the truth, we can't take any pregnancy risk now , because we're not ready financial both mental side.

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, there you go. [Smile]

Maybe now, the best step to take is to talk together about what you do and don't want to do, and how to prepare for what you want to do safely? That way if, for instance, you have condoms and lube around, and you get "carried away," you can easily use them so you don't have to worry like this.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
so real pregnancy risk only appear if we are rubbing each other genitals naked ?

i think being prepared is the best thing i can do now.

we already have the talk , but my GF is little bit closed minded and she don't appear taking seriously about my concern everytime we talk.

is it the lube one of the method of birth control ?

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 


[ 01-15-2013, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Did you check this first, which gives you that info?

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/28/t/006958.html

Lubricant is not a birth control method. Here is a guide to all reliable methods of contraception: Birth Control Bingo!

And if your GF doesn't take your fears seriously, then perhaps it's time to rethink if it's right for you to choose to be sexual with her right now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i really thank for your information [Smile]

and what do you think about taking bc pill without doctor prescription ? because doctor and health provider will not give bc pill prescription to unmarried couple in my country

i think because it need enough contact to pose pregnancy risk, so it must rubbing each other genital . is it wrong my assumption ?

[ 01-15-2013, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey thomason,

As heather said, direct genital contact is where there's risk.

I'm sorry that your girlfriend isn't taking your concerns seriously, on the other hand she doesn't need to feel the same as you for your feelings to be relevant. So there's no need to convince her that a certain risk is too much to ask her to support you and take the precautions that mean YOU will be comfortable enjoying your sexual activity with her.

Lubes are liquids made by different manufacturers used usually to make sex more comfortable, but also because condoms become weaker when they're dry, using lube together condoms makes sure. they're more effective. On it's own lube doesn't work as birth control.

I hope that helps!

It sounds like you've got a really good idea of what you want and what risks are too much for you, and how to manage other risks!

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
but it's a small risk based on my illustration right ?

but i'm sure i'm only touching the tip of her pubic hair [Smile]

oh i get it about the lube now, so it prevent the condom to fail . thankyou for your advice.

what do you think about taking bc pill without doctor or health provider prescription ?

[ 01-15-2013, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, small risk, relatively speaking.

Regarding Birth control without prescription: I'm sure it would be much better WITH prescription. If that's not possible it means your partner would have to take extra care to be sure 100% of what is in the pills and how to take it, and very little medical support which is an important safety net to those starting new medication. I would personally avoid it as much as possible.

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
small risk , it means lower than people which using withdrawl method in perfect use in intercourse as birth control ? am i right ?

are there any bc pills that won't need prescription and don't have too many side effect ?

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No, there really aren't birth control pills that don't need a prescription.

How about having a talk with your girlfriend and explaining to her that you get really nervous about these things, and deciding together what activities would work well for both of you? For example, it sounds like you probably wouldn't get as anxious if the two of you decided that one or both of you were to keep your clothes on. What do you think?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i think i will manage on keep our keep our clothes on .

thanks for your advice robin. [Smile]

what do you think about my last question ?
"small risk , it means lower than people which using withdrawl method in perfect use in intercourse as birth control ? am i right ?"

[ 01-16-2013, 08:39 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Honestly, I wouldn't even classify what you've described as a risk at all. [Smile]

I think you can feel comfortable moving forward.

What do you think about what Heather said above, about your gf being supportive of your needs and wishes and taking your fears seriously even if she doesn't share them?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
finally i can relax more . thanks robin [Smile]

yes she was bit supportive but not able to talk it further, because maybe she thinks it's taboo. so when we started little bit carried away, i usually ends up being the person who start setting boundaries and limitation .

is it i'm being too worry about doing sexual activity ? and more anxious than most of the people ?

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Really, all you can do is figure out how YOU feel and work with that: it doesn't matter how other people do, and I'm not sure we could even measure the relative anxiousness of others in that way, anyway.

But it sounds like, no matter what, more talking needs to be happening in your relationship about this, so you might need to make clear to her that if she doesn't yet feel ready to talk about it, then you two need to slow down the action to catch up with her pace in that regard. In other words, when she feels more able to talk about it, then you can know it's likely more sound for you two to be doing it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mimi_123
Neophyte
Member # 101983

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mimi_123     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hii want 2 know if a boys penis doesnt get hard and he puts it in someones vagina for a split seconds but takes it out and put on a condom then after sexual intercores he ejaculate can the girl get pregnant. n i know about pre-cum which only happens a few seconds before ejaculation so since he comed in thecondom is there a possiblility he ejaculated inside the condom as well

--------------------
Mimi

Posts: 1 | From: Brooklyn | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Whether or not someone with a penis has an erection has no bearing on the potential for pregnancy.

What does create pregnancy risks is when there is any direct contact between penis and vagina -- including, but not limited to, intercourse, like you described. If the person with the penis also ejaculates in those situations, there are high risks of pregnancy. Either way, there are also possible STI risks.

Proper condom use, to have the full effectiveness of condoms, means the condom has to be on for ALL contact, from start to finish, not put on at any point after direct contact.

P.S. Next time around, when you're posting, can you please start your own thread instead of attaching your question to someone else's? You do that by clicking "new topic" on any page. Thanks!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thanks for all your advice

this website is such a wonderful site [Smile]

i think i'll start work with my communication with my girlfriend [Smile]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(Hey thomason, I just wanted to apologise for maybe worrying you more than necessary! I misread what you meant in your question - "so it's a small risk?".

But it sounds like you got the advice you needed anyway!)

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
it's ok jacob, thank you for helping me too [Smile]

just out of curiosity, can someone didn't realize when they ejaculate ? i don't mean precum but the real ejaculate.

[ 01-18-2013, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: thomason ]

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI thomason,

Anything is possible, it's rare for most folks to not know that they ejaculated. Ejaculation is accompanied by physical sensations, and while it's actually a separate thing for orgasm, many if not most guys experience the two together.

So, it's more common than not for someone to know they ejaculated. Does this help?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes, it's very helpful [Smile]

what are circumstances that can make someone ejaculate without even realize it ?

Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There really aren't any. [Smile]

I suppose that if someone has never ejaculated before in their life, it's possible they wouldn't recognize what's happening to them, but otherwise, I think it's fair to say that they'd know what's going on.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thomason
Neophyte
Member # 100584

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thomason     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thankyou for your answer and help robin [Smile]
Posts: 36 | From: Bandung | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You're most welcome. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen