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Author Topic: Help :(
m_azul
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Help! [Frown] my boyfriend and I have had phone sex, and it was great a couple of times, then I had this feeling of "what is the point?" When we see each other often. Now I don't want to do it anymore... I have this loss of interest. It's nothing like when we're together. I have explained this to him nicely three times and now today he's bringing it up again, and on top of stressing myself out lately I yelled about it.

Should I continue this and not deprive him? I've told him... There have been instabilities in our relationship recently, so that could be a factor. I told him that, and he fusses back with me. Please help with some advice soon because I told him I'd call to talk about it. Some tips on what to say would be great. Thank you

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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When we engage in any kind of sex with other people in a healthy way, it's when everyone truly wants to.

And if and when our partners say they're not interested, we take no for an answer, in healthy relationships.

Clearly, it sounds like you two have some relationship issues to sort through, talk about and work out. I'd suggest you focus on those for now, and make clear that's what needs to be managed first before talking about any kind of sex again.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Thanks heather. It's worked out now. just curious, y'all call "direct genital contact" a pregnancy risk. Is it super likely? I mean do people come into your clinics pregnant from it frequently? I am just wondering.
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Heather
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When people rub their genitals together without clothing, and those genitals happen to be a penis and vagina, that's pretty much THE reason people will be coming into clinics pregnant. Because ultimately, that's usually intercourse or something very close to it.

I know some people think that seems more like dry sex, but what makes dry sex a non-risk is that people are dressed, so can't be sharing fluids or having direct genital contact. But rubbing a penis and a vagina together directly? That's nothing close to dry sex: that either is intercourse or is like it enough that it tends to pose the same risks and often have the same results, partcularly -- as with intercourse -- when the person with the penis ejaculates while doing that.

Make sense?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Ah, okay. Yes that makes sense. I just didn't understand if that meant just if you were making out in bed and not really attempting anything if you know what I mean... But I guess if you were that close you would not just make out...

So even a meshy pair of shorts only can block sperm cells?

If so, sperm in direct contact with a vagina = extremely strong, and sperm or pre-cum in contact with meshy shorts = extremely weak/immobile/pretty much useless for pregnancy?

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Heather
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I'd say that calling rubbing naked genitals together making out is problematic unless you call pretty much any kind of sex making out.

It's not about shorts "blocking" sperm cells. As I think we've already explained, pregnancy is actually very complicated, and involves a host of components: it's not just about sperm cells and an egg cell. It includes things like the fluid those sperm cells are ejaculated with staying with those cells, because without it, they can't do jack, for example.

And on that last sentence, yes.

Really, if everything we've given you to read so far on this hasn't answered these questions, I'm just not feeling at all like us reiterating over and over again is going to do the trick, you know? I strongly suspect, as is often the case when we have users with persistent worries like this, you'll probably have better luck feeling better if you just reevaluate having any kind of sex at all right now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Okay, and thank you.
I'm no longer doing things I feel uncomfortable around. I tried making myself, but that isn't the right thing to do, and there's no reason I should put myself through this.

And I know, reiterating over and over is going to have to stop. But can I be blunt? I know this is sooo stupid after all the reiterations, but although I do not want a pregnancy, I worry about what if something happened and I'm on birth control which would hurt a baby? I wouldn't want to hurt a child. But then I feel like well, I've talked on here (reliable source!), had three periods, two negative tests, so I've done all I can do.

And I'm pretty sure that if a nurse practitioner prescribed me contraceptive, she's going to make sure she does it the safe way by ensuring I'm NOT pregnant. She only asked questions. She said "are you sexually active? Here that means have you had vaginal intercourse ." And I said no I haven't. And she said "okay then I'll put you on pills for irregularity"
So if I would've said, yes I have had intercourse she probably would've asked me if I had had a period since the last time I had sex and if I said no she would've ran blood work to make sure, right?

Because a doctor/NP isn't going to risk something like that.

Sorry about all this, I just feel so good when I'm able to type out these feelings, and if I went into greater detail about my feelings it would probably be more beneficial that restating the same questions over and over.

Lastly, I think "I should've taken an EC!" even though you all told me there was no need for one because my boyfriends mesh shorts was absolutely enough to keep us from having a risk. I listened, and I believe that you definitely meant that because you've been in this for years and have thousands of members, and you're going to be on the cautious side of things anyway as you're running a site like this. So with the slightest reason to be cautious, you would have said.

That's basically the two big things I've held on to throughout this process, and I wanted to write them out and get some reassurance on them rather than coming back and coming back to ask the same things. I should've done this sooner, but I guess I haven't sat and thought about this until today.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Methods of birth control don't do a fetus harm: we've no data to indicate that's a real issue.

And yep, you're right, we try to err on the side of caution around here.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Great [Smile] well anyway, if someone's taking birth control while pregnant they most likely wouldn't have a withdrawal bleed anyway would they?

And I thought so [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Nope.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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