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Author Topic: Porn and orgasam
Amyyy
Neophyte
Member # 54946

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Hay Scarleteen, there's been something bugging me for a while, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place but i just want to get it off my chest and hope that you can help in some way.

I've been sexually active for nearly a year now, only ever with my boyfriend. The sex is great and I feel really comfortable with him, I can talk to him about anything, and we have a really great relationship. He is just home from studying abroad for 4 months (neither of us cheated) and during that time we were really honest with each other. The lack of physical contact was hard but we got through it. Of course we had phone sex and skype sex together where we masterbated at the same time, and I found that to be a really good experience, where we felt really close. He would tell me about watching porn (I have no problem with that), and so I decided to try it out a few times too under his encouragement.

This is where I get really confused. I am completley straight and my boyfriend really turns me on, but I find myself often (even now that he's home) looking up lesbian porn. I started by watching hetrosexual porn, and it was good, but when I was introduced to girl on girl porn I got really turned on. Even now the thoughts of watching lesbian porn gets me really turned on and I love to masterbate to girls pleasuring each other, Is this normal or am I different ? It is bothering me because I dont know how my boyfriend would react if I were to tell him.

Another reason why this is such a sensitive issue in our relationship, is of course the 'dreaded orgasam' ... I understand how much harder it is for girls to come in comparison to guys. It did bother me at first that I couldnt orgasam with my boyfriend and when he did. I found myself faking it sometimes, because I'd feel bad because I was taking so long. In the summer I understood that this really was not healthy for our relationship and we talked about it. I told him that I had never had an orgasam but that it wasnt his fault or anything, that it was just difficult to him. He asked me to tell him what felt good and to direct him when we were having foreplay. He asked me what I did when I was on my own and we talked about that. It has improved since then and I have had a few orgasams (maybe 3) with him since then. The confusing bit is, even when Im on my own I find it hard to come, except for when I watch lesbian porn. When I watch girls coming together I am almost gaurenteed to have an orgasam by myself. He still wants to help me, and I still want to be honest with him, but how can I tell him this ?

I just don't know what to do ... Do you have any advice ? Thanks so much.

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Amyyy

Posts: 25 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Often, with something like this, it's not so much about the content of the porn, or even the prion itself, but about two things:
1) You're engaging in sexual fantasy, something it's safe to say most people tend to find exciting, and
2) You're masturbating, not having sex with a partner.

When it is tougher for women to reach orgasm from men, especially when we're not talking about couples only engaging in intercourse, and when we're also talking about people new to sex with partners, it's most often because men, growing up, typically spent more time masturbating. In other words, they have had lots of practice finding out what feels good and doesn't, and learning to orgasm.

Whether or not you tell a partner every detail of your sexuality or solo sex life -- even what's in your head when you're having sex together 0-- is up to you. It certainly doesn't all have to be shared, and it often isn't, especially since while we may share our sexuality with a partner, it's still ours, and plenty of it may have little to do with them, or feel private, like something we want to keep just for ourselves.

Is this something you want to share with him?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Amyyy
Neophyte
Member # 54946

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Yes while I understand what you mean about it being private I still do want to share everything with him. When we talk about this issue the one thing we seem to fall back on is being honest with each other, and by guiding each other in order to help reach climax. I understand what you mean about this being 'fantasy' and being private but I feel dishonest, that he is trying so hard to help me reach orgasam with him, and that I feel like I am keeping something from him. Maybe what I feel is irrational but I just cant seem to escape it and it is preoccupying me alot when I am alone with him.

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Amyyy

Posts: 25 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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If not sharing all your sexual fantasies with him is being dishonest, then I think we can safely say almost everyone is dishonest with their sexual partners, since it's really rare that any given person shares ALL of that with any sexual partner.

But if you want to share this with him, you certainly can.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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